She's the one person you can see spending your life with, and the physical attraction to her is out of this world. The problem? She's your friend.
Figuring out how to get out of the friend zone with a person you'd much rather date can be a precarious situation.
Do you take the risk and straight-up share your romantic feelings? Or, should you just settle for being friends? Will you ruin the friendship if you talk?
We've pulled together this article and a bunch of good tips to give you a little guidance on how to get out of the friend zone unscathed.
Quick FAQs
There are several things to look out for, a couple of the main ones are if she takes you shopping and buys clothes for dates with other guys, or if you're the shoulder to cry on about other guys.
That depends on several factors. There are several approaches you can take to help determine if something more than friends is possible, but at the end of the day you will have to tell her how you feel. Be ready for a no, but take it with class so you can still try to salvage the friendship, if that's what you want.
Decide where you want to go from there. Do you want to try to salvage the friendship, or are you ready to just move on?
What is the friend zone?
The friend zone is a situation in which two people have a friendship, but one of those people prefers to have a romantic relationship.
Sometimes, guys land in the friend zone accidentally. Sometimes, they put themselves there and hopelessly crush on the girl they want to date that sees them only as a friend.
Signs that you're in the dreaded friend zone
Don't be the poor schlub who is completely in the friend zone and thinks he's somewhere else.
It's fine to be in the friend zone and want to move beyond that by taking the right steps, but you need to know your place exactly and her feelings before you attempt to make it anywhere.
So, how do you actually know you're in the friend zone? Here are some signs and a bit of advice.
Yup—a surefire sign she sees you totally, completely as a friend and a friend alone.
If she's trying to play matchmaker to partner you with other girls, she currently has no interest in reserving you for herself.
You could make it out of the friend zone with this one, but something about her feelings will have to drastically change first.
You are the shoulder to cry on
She runs to you when she's hurt, by another guy or otherwise. Women keep their truest emotions to share with the one person they trust the most, usually their best friends.
Now, being the shoulder to cry on doesn't always mean you are stuck in the friend zone. This can be a good sign that she trusts you to comfort her, which can be a huge attractive trait in a partner.
You have a pet name like Buddy, Besty, or Bro
Pet names are common between a girlfriend and boyfriend, but certain pet names embody a form of endearment that is utterly platonic:
Buddy - Good pal, good guy, not her guy
Besty - Best friend, fave person to hang with, have fun with—friend zone
Bro/Brother - She sees you as someone akin to a relative, so, you're definitely in the zone
Pet names, just like attraction, can change. So, just because you are currently being dubbed as the "Besty" or "Bro," does not necessarily mean that her view of you cannot change.
You're the shopping buddy, but she buys outfits for other men
It's easy to take the fact that she wants to spend time with you as her being interested in dating you, but that's not always the case.
She may call you up for a trip to the mall, but her real interest in bringing you along is strictly to get a male opinion. This screams friend zone.
She is currently dating someone that isn't you
Big. Red. Flag.
While there may be some women who are in a relationship with one guy and scout out other guys in the process, believe it or not, this is not the norm. If she's dating someone else, consider yourself in the friend zone automatically.
How did I get into the friend zone in the first place?
How'd you get here as one of the guys she sees as a friend?
If you started out your relationship with your now-friend by flirting or showing interest, why are you stuck where you are?
You were too available
From the moment you met, you were so infatuated with the new crush that you built your entire world around her:
You stopped showing interest in any other women
You picked up on the first ring, texted back immediately, showed up every time she asked
You spent all of your free time with her
While you may have been making an effort to show her you wanted something more than friendship, sometimes, a too-available guy is not all that attractive.
As an adage, some girls don't appreciate what a guy fulfills in her life until he's, well, not so present.
You didn't exactly tell her how you really feel
Things can go totally off track when you have different ideas and never disclose them. If you never talk about your feelings for her, she can be completely clueless.
So, talk if you feel like she sees you as a friend and you see something more.
You're scared to lose her
No one wants to lose a friend, but being too scared to lose that friend can leave you stuck in a friend zone longer than you really should be stuck in that mindset.
As her friend, you never really had her in "that way" in the first place. By stepping up and showing your true feelings, she may realize she has feelings beyond friendship too.
You might just not be her type
Most women have a clear idea of what their ideal partner is like. Sometimes, you're going to be in the friend zone simply because you don't fit into that idea.
A good sign that this is why you're in the friend zone is if she normally shows signs of interest or flirting with a guy who could literally be your polar opposite.
For example, if she reveals her crush as the bad boy and you have that boy-next-door kind of charm, she's not seeing you as someone she'd be interested in dating.
You think you're not good enough for her
She's out of your league. There's no way a girl like her would be interested in dating someone like you.
This self-talk sound familiar?
If so, you may be friend-zoned because that's precisely where you see yourself. Remember, guys can be measured by how they measure themselves. If you think your self is not good enough, she may see you in the same light.
How can I escape the friend zone?
You're friend-zoned and feel like you want to get to the end zone. How do you get there? Here are a few tips.
Busying yourself can make you seem less accessible, and like you have a life outside of her because you matter too.
Sometimes, "busy" is a little mysterious. You can seem more attractive if you're not a completely open book. She may feel like she needs to take a closer look.
Have something better to do
Make yourself a little scarce. Not so much that she feels slighted, but enough that she gets the impression you're not giving her all of your free time.
Maybe it will take you pulling away a little to realize that she's had you pegged in the wrong zone.
Relationships can blossom from two people limiting contact enough to reveal an underlying desire to be in each other's company.
Don't hide the fact that you're sought after by other women
An old trick, but can work. Spend some time disclosing, on occasion, how other females really want your attention.
Mention during a talk about how a girl was flirting with you at the gym, or how a girl dropped her number on your receipt at the store.
If she never hears about other women who are pursuing you, maybe she doesn't get to see you as someone worth pursuing herself.
Be a better you
Put some focus on improving yourself if you prefer to be date-worthy for your crush and attractive. Focus on things like:
Diet - Eat well, give your body good things, maybe take some VitaFLUX for overall wellness
Exercise - Get in some cardio, do some strength exercises, give your physique a boost
Lifestyle changes - Drop bad habits she may find unattractive—smoking, drinking a lot, etcetera
If you're trying to get your best friend to focus on you as one of the guys she could have a romantic relationship with, give her something to appreciate.
Start flirting
There's a lot to be said for a guy that's a good flirt.
Flirting tells her you're into her, but don't go overboard. It's the little things that provoke the biggest responses. Here's a little flirting 101.
Neg her (within reason)
Negging is like offering a backhanded compliment, and according to advice from the pick-up artist Mystery, properly used negs can turn you into a master seducer. Throw in a slight diss mingled with a compliment.
Believe it or not, this is a highly effective way to flirt.
Examples: Your curves are incredible—eat a lot of carbs? or Wow, you have a great vocabulary, but do you ever stop talking?
Pair a good neg with a charming grin, light arm squeeze, or other playful gesture.
Touch the small of her back
When holding the door open for her, guiding her to get into your car, leading her into a room, place your hand on the small of her back (lower back just above her behind).
The small of a woman's back is considered an erogenous zone. So, the light physical contact here is bound to tickle her senses and make her feel like you're interested. Plus, a lot of women find this small gesture from a guy to be endearing and somewhat protective.
Compliment the little things
Avoid the overdramatized proclamations (e.g. You're the most beautiful creature I've laid my eyes on!), and instead point out the small things and focus on those:
Hair - I love it when you wear your hair like that.
Nails - Those nails are sexy AF!
Shoes - Man those boots look incredible on you!
Smell - Do you always smell this incredible?
Lips - I could stare at those lips all night.
Remember, women put a lot of effort into how great they look—show her you notice and point out that you appreciate it! If you intend to be in the boyfriend zone, she needs to feel like you appreciate the details about her.
Become friends with her parents
OK, so this one can be tough, but meeting the parents, and, more importantly, getting along with them, means you are someone completely invested in building something substantial with her.
The best relationships are those in which each partner can jive well with the extended aspects of the other's life. If you can accept and get along with her parents, she's going to be more likely to see you as someone she can build a romantic life with.
You made it out of the friend zone, now what?
Congrats!
When you manage to transform a good friend/crush into a girlfriend, you've got a good foundation to build on for your future romantic relationship.
Here's why:
Friends already rely on each other to some degree
Friends already have established boundaries between them
Friends obviously enjoy each other's company, have fun together
Friends have some level of trust between them
Every one of these attributes is important in a good relationship. Friends-turned-boyfriend and girlfriend skip a lot of the awkward steps that come along with getting to know a romantic interest.
Another note, the fact that you're already close can mean things get physical fast. To make sure you have an amazing first experience with your friend-turned-girlfriend, pick up some Desensitizing Spray to savor the moment.
I told her how I feel and she doesn't feel the same way, now what?
Unrequited romantic feelings can be a low blow to your self-confidence.
To complicate matters further, if you've attempted to step out of the friend zone, you may have brought a little awkwardness into the situation that will affect the friendship for the long term.
It happens, and how you react can determine what your future looks like with the other person.
Respect her decision
If she clearly has no interest in anything beyond being your friend, you have to respect that and avoid making the wrong moves.
No amount of pining, pouting, or pushing is going to get you any closer to being something more.
If you try to force her to reciprocate your feelings, you may push her out of your life completely. Even if you do force her to take things to the next level, it won't matter. What you get back will not be authentic.
Decide where to go from here—move on
So, she doesn't want you that way. Time to refocus your attraction on someone else.
Once you realize she's not into you, spend some time:
Examining your other options
Building romantic ideas that don't involve her
Regrouping your plans to seek someone new
Moving on from an idea that you wanted a friend to be something more can be tough, but for your sake, this is a step that must be taken so you don't get caught up in the hopeless situation of wanting something you can't have.
Spend some time alone, step out of the situation, and determine how you will get on with your life.
Don't be too hard on yourself
Rejection never feels good. If you want more than a friend and she can't see you as more than that, don't let this kill your confidence, and don't beat yourself up.
The fact that you like someone and she doesn't see you as boyfriend material is not a personal blow.
Remember, more often than not in the grand scheme of things, attraction is not a two-way street. Statistically speaking, you won't get a relationship with most people you find attractive. She may not be into you, but there are plenty of other girls out there waiting for the right guys.
Try to rekindle the friendship if that's what you want
Some would say once you've laid your romantic feelings on a proverbial friendship table and gotten an answer, there's no going back. The good news? That's not always the case.
The outcome depends on how well you, specifically, manage beyond the rejection. You may be able to salvage the friendship if:
You have enough confidence
You move on, date other women
You re-focus sexual attraction elsewhere
You keep your composure when she dates someone else
The more you are capable of getting on with your life, the easier it will be to retain that friendship. If she has only ever viewed you as a friend, she will find it easier to revert to that if you're not being weird about it or making her feel like you can't move forward.
Takeaways
If you've been wondering how to get out of the friend zone, make sure this is what you really want and take the leap.
If you show your interest in a romantic relationship with a girl who happens to be a good friend, rejection can be tough. Maybe you didn't get the answer you wanted, but if you don't ask, you'll never know.
Always figure out where you stand with a girl first—are you just a good friend or could there be more? Pay attention to clues you could be more than friends, and remember, some of the best relationships start out platonic.
Flirt, talk, offer slight physical contact, show her you have fun spending time with her but still have a life.
There's nothing wrong with a little flirting to show how you feel if you have a hard time being blunt to get your point across. But some women prefer you to outright ask if you feel like you want something more.
Even if you never make it out of the friend zone, you will know you made an effort and whether you should move on in search of a new dating partner.
Our team has over a decade of experience in the sexual wellness field and are experts in sexual dysfunctions, like premature ejaculation. We help couples and individuals better understand treatment options available for different types of sexual needs and educate the public on all things related to intimacy. All of our authored content is medically reviewed for accuracy and reliability.
Sources:
Absorption Pharmaceuticals LLC (Promescent) has strict informational citing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic or research institutions, medical associations, and medical experts. We attempt to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references and only citing trustworthy sources. Each article is reviewed, written, and updated by Medical Professionals or authoritative Experts in a specific, related field of practice. You can find out more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.
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