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It happens to the best of relationships. Love kindles like a wildfire in the beginning... then simmers down to a slow glow. If you don't stoke the fire every now and then with something new in the bedroom, the heat could die out entirely.
Some couples think they have fallen out of love or the spark is gone. It isn't. The person you fell for is still in there, with all the sex appeal that made the relationship pop at the beginning.
At first, the spice of novelty kept the relationship afloat; the thrill of discovery as you discovered each others' bodies, tastes, and personalities.
It was easy to keep things hot. As you relaxed into the relationship, routines set in, and bills and/or kids entered the picture, that easy sexual chemistry subsided.
Now it takes effort to spark that old romance. Switch things up tonight with some unique sex ideas.
Giving something different a chance might bring the spark back. Try one or more of these 20 new things to try in bed for couples.
Want something new to do in bed? Try a different sex position.
The Kama Sutra details 64 sexual positions. Most couples get tired after three or four. There's the one or two that works for him, and the one or two that works for her, and that's what they stick to, every time.
That kind of sexual routine can quickly become monotonous. Want something new to do in bed? Try a different sex position. All sex positions begin from one of the three starting points. These starting points are:
Everything else is a variation on one of those.
Within those basic parameters, however, the sky's the limit.
You could try:
If you don't like the new position, there's nothing wrong with going back to the old faithful for the climax. But you both might discover sensations you never knew existed
Just know your body, and don't hurt yourself or your partner. Even if the new position turns out to be a comical train wreck, it's not a disaster—it's something to bond and laugh over.
Remember, sex is supposed to be fun!
See More Sex Positions We Recommend: Sex Positions to Last Longer in Bed
A survey done of over 2,000 people declared that those who were single preferred having sex with the lights on.
However, those who were in a relationship or who are married prefer intercourse in a dimmer darker setting.
In a separate study (A Griffin 2016), it was found that men who were exposed to bright light for a duration of time through the day experience more sex drive and were found to have increased testosterone levels.
If you usually prefer the cover of darkness, try keeping the lights on. This can be especially great to try in bed for him.
Men tend to be visual creatures. It adds to the excitement of the encounter to watch her doing naughty things to him.
If you're usually a "light-on" couple, try sex in pitch-black. This one is awesome to try in bed for her.
Women have rich fantasy lives. The anticipation of the unknown and unexpected could really turn her on.
"BDSM" is a portmanteau abbreviation. It stands for "bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism."
According to Magliano (2015), research showed, anywhere from 2% to 62% of couples enjoy BDSM.
If that gap makes your brain hurt, remember that it matters how the question is worded.
BDSM could encompass anything from lightly holding your partner down, all the way up to living a kinky 24/7 submissive dominant dynamic.
A lot of people can enjoy the thrill of power or the rush of helplessness — as long as it’s consensual.
Some prefer to be in a more dominant role, and others prefer submissiveness (true of many couples who don't practice BDSM).
Occasionally, partners might switch roles because they can enjoy being in either dynamic (and are therefore known as a Switch).Don't go straight to handcuffs or ropes. Someone could easily get injured.
Instead, try tying each other down with silk scarves, maybe using one as a blindfold.
No slipknots, as they can constrict and cut off circulation. Use a stationary knot like a square knot or bowline.
Try some light teasing with:
Try some common favorites among kinksters, like orgasm denial (which is exactly what it sounds like), edging (bringing your partner to the brink of orgasm before backing down to build the climax back up again).
Besides being clear about boundaries, an important aspect of BDSM play is a "safeword," usually something unrelated to the sex act like "banana" or "freight train."
When the submissive partner says the safeword, the session stops immediately and the dominant partner removes all restraints.
Safewords allow submissives to say things like "No, please stop!" and the dominant knows they are fine to continue.
Remember, BDSM is about the illusion of power and control between trusted partners.
The submissive is actually the one in control of the scene… they are willingly giving control and power to their partner and trusting them to respect their boundaries and keep them safe.
Since BDSM play can be emotionally and psychologically intense (mostly in a good way), “aftercare” is also an important part of BDSM.
That can include whatever is soothing to either or both partners, like cuddling, being wrapped in a blanket, etc.
If you want ideas of things to try in bed with your partner, don't overlook the best source of all — asking your partner what they want!
Your partner may be ashamed of his or her sexual fantasies, brought up to believe that they were wrong or bad, or be afraid of you judging them or rejecting them for their desires.
Also, keep in mind that even if someone has a fantasy, it doesn’t mean that they want to do it in real life! Sometimes sharing fantasies and just talking about them can be stimulating enough.
Your relationship should feel like a safe space for both of you to talk about anything together, including each of your true desires and needs.
If your communication skills leave something to be desired, then work on boosting those skills first so that you can pave the way to smoother talks about more sensitive topics like sexuality.
Many people feel stifled about talking dirty in bed, but it can really spice things up if you run out of things to do in the bedroom.
If you're not used to talking dirty, you might be afraid of sounding ridiculous. Hot tip: Don’t use porn as an example, as it can be VERY cheesy, and you.
Saying "Give it to me!" or "You're a bad girl!" might provoke giggles instead of moans, if you say them half-heartedly.
Your delivery is as important as the words you use. Before you start this off, make sure you ask your partner if there are any words or things that they don’t want you to say (e.g. maybe they don’t want to hear “Who’s your daddy?” during sex)!
One trick to smooth dirty talk is to become present to the moment, to the emotions you are feeling, and speak them from the heart… and your loins.
Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you want to do to him/her or what you want him/her to do to you.
Even if you’ve been with your partner for eons, lots of people really enjoy getting a little filthy and talking dirty to each other.
Like BDSM, rough bedroom play can be intimidating for some folks, but can be an interesting change from your standard, everyday sex.
And just like in BDSM play, rough sex MUST have ongoing enthusiastic consent.
Setting clear boundaries, limits, and a safe word beforehand are essential to successful rough sex, as is checking in throughout the scene to make sure you’re both enjoying yourselves and each other.
That being said, 62% of women responding to an OKCupid poll reported that they liked rough sex.
This is open to interpretation, but it might include:
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Be extra careful before you choke, slap, scratch, hold down, or do anything to someone that could leave a mark.
Consider rough play only with a trusted partner, and build up to it so you understand how rough you can safely get.
Be sure to also avoid engaging in rough play that can break the skin or seriously injure someone. Make sure to do your research on how to safely engage in this form of intimacy.
Informal polls find that most people who give blowjobs to climax swallow the ejaculate.
If you or your partner has objected to this in the past, consider giving it a try.
Swallowing semen is naughty, taboo, and (some believe) intimate—in other words, a great thing to try in bed with your girlfriend or boyfriend.
For the health-conscious, semen is 97% water, non-fattening, and contains about 2% sperm.
The metallic taste comes from zinc, an essential mineral.
If a partner objects to the taste of semen, the man could do a few things to improve the taste.
Eating lots of fruit or drinking fruit juices reportedly improves the flavor of semen, while others habits like drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes can befoul the taste.
Even eating certain foods can cause semen to taste bad like:
Anal is considered taboo, a final frontier, the province of gay men.
Women aren't supposed to like it, and certainly not straight men.
The numbers tell a different story.
An NIH study discovered that 43% of men and 37% of women report having had anal sex at least once in their lives.
An NSSHB study by Herbenick et al, (2017) found that 43% of men and 37% of women concluded that over 20% had anal sex within the past year.
Many couples make two big anal-sex mistakes:
Anal is not for everybody, but enough people like it that it's worth a try—if for nothing else than the satisfaction of crossing that taboo line together.
IMPORTANT: Only toys with flared bases are safe to use as butt plugs. Non-flared dildos can become lost inside the rectum and cause internal damage.
Pay attention—you could learn something!
Many people feel furtive and secretive about their masturbation, habits acquired in adolescence while living with their parents.
We've come a long way from mom and dad's house.
Studies have shown that people find masturbation more physically gratifying than sex with a partner, even if partner sex was more emotionally gratifying.
Maybe that's because we don't have to focus on anybody but ourselves.
Maybe it's because only we know how to please ourselves the best.
So turn masturbation into a partner activity.
If you run out of things to do in bed, take the pressure off of pleasing each other and just please yourselves in each others' presence.
You may discover that how you were touching the penis or vagina in question was very different from how your partner likes to touch him/herself.
Try to reproduce that touch with your hands during the next hands-on session and see what happens.
Plus, watching each other masturbate is great for those who enjoy voyeurism and exhibitionism, who want to watch and to be watched!
Sex may feel like too much pressure after a hard day, but who isn't down for a massage?
Go for broke with aromatic oils, soothing music, silky sheets.
It's a great way to enjoy each others' bodies and make each other feel good, without the effort of sex.
Who knows—in that relaxed, dopamine-rich state, sex may just happen.
If you commit to it, sexual role-playing can make every sex session a new adventure and a chance to explore kinks and common and unique fantasies.
Dress-up ideas include:
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You can have tons of fun and get really creative with this. Let your imagination run wild to create an amazing sensual experience.
One of the best ways to try something new in the bedroom is to leave the bedroom.
When you are confident of your privacy, take your sex session anywhere in the home that suits you.
Options include:
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Sex out of the bedroom has that hot, spontaneous vibe of impatience—you can't keep your hands off each other, and can't be bothered to make it to the bedroom.
You may have even had some sex like that early in the relationship.
If you run out of things to do in bed, you could always relive those heady days of sex on the ottoman!
Consider food play—chocolate sauce, marshmallows, strawberries, eating sushi off each other, dumping champagne over each others' bodies... go nuts.
An edible lubricant or edible underwear are options too.
Caution: Food and sugars in the vagina can lead to yeast infections.
Lube isn't just for anal sex—it can make handjobs, toy play, and vaginal sex much more pleasurable.
Lube should be in every couple's sex arsenal, even if they don't like roleplaying or toys.
Dry vaginal sex can cause chafing and tearing.
Adding lube makes sex pleasurable for everyone, more often.
Lube comes in three basic varieties:
Premium lubricants made to stay silky smooth, not sticky.
View ProductsRelive the thrill of singlehood — without the rejection or the regret. Get dolled up, go out separately, and pretend not to know each other when you “bump into” each other at a bar or café.
This also works well if you add some roleplay into the mix and pretend to be other people.
If you really commit to your role and get into it together, this may also lead you and your partner to feel freer to do different things during sex.
Sex toys play a key role in many long-term relationships.
Women rarely give up their favorite vibrators just because they have a partner in bed with them regularly—and they shouldn't have to.
A trip to the local adult store could reveal a world of possibilities to enhance your sexual encounters with possibilities for play.
Consider:
It's better than Christmas—with a new toy, sex with the same partner becomes a whole new thing!
The routine of chores, bills, meals, work, family responsibilities, and must-see TV (or Netflix) go a long way toward killing the spark in once-hot relationships.
It’s time to turn those boring routines into an advantage. Scour your routine for opportunities to inject hot sex into the mix.
Early risers? A quickie to start off your day (when both of your testosterone and estrogen levels are at their highest) can make for better moods for both of you.
A work assignment is due tomorrow? Try to distract (and reward) your partner with some oral sex while they’re in their office chair.
Stuck in traffic together during a long commute home? Pull off the road and snag a room at the nearest no-tell motel or see below for some more risqué sex ideas.
Now we're getting into a danger zone where only professionals dare to tread.
Sex in public is the ultimate rush for many couples—the thrill of spontaneity, the risk of getting caught.
Let's talk about getting caught. Sex in many public places violates public indecency laws.
Interestingly, sex on a public-facing balcony or in front of a public-facing picture window is still considered public, even if the love nest is technically on your private property.
Many couples dream of joining the mile-high club. Bear in mind that having sex in an airplane lavatory is totally illegal.
So is road head or other sexual acts performed behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.
Other danger zones include:
More benign places to try public sex might include a bathroom or vacant bedroom of a home where you are attending a private party.
Maybe this will surprise you, maybe it won't, but sex in the bathrooms of nightclubs is also very common.
Public sex has one advantage—anyone who catches you may be too embarrassed to bust you, instead preferring to look the other way until you are done.
Sometimes the knowledge that you are performing for the camera spices up the encounter.
Go ahead and make your own homemade porno to revisit later and see how hot you look. Just be mindful of security.
You may not want to see your homemade sex tape wind up on your favorite porn website unless maybe you are a reality TV star.
This can be a very touchy subject. Some couples can't handle the idea of their romantic partner touching someone else.
This is very common, and nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let anyone convince you or pressure you that you should be okay with consensual non-monogamy if you aren't. (And on the flip side, monogamy isn’t for everyone, either.)
The difference between cheating and ethical non-monogamy is that cheating is unethical in that the other partner is unaware of what’s going on.
In ethical / consensual non-monogamy, both (or more) partners consent to expanding their boundaries and comfort zones to include flirting with, touching, playing with, dating, and/or even working up to having relationships with other people.
Anything that’s done beyond those agreed-upon boundaries, even in open relationships, is cheating.
If you and your partner are both comfortable with the idea of bringing another person (or another couple) into the mix, you can start to educate yourselves about the possibilities of opening up your relationship within the boundaries that you both agree upon.
True champions of sexual experimentation could try any of the following:
The effort to improve your sex life is worth it! You're worth it, and so is your partner!
To put it mildly, sex matters. With a foundation of intimacy and strong communication, sex can add to the glue that holds your relationship together.
Studies show that modern relationships start to fizzle and fail after as few as five bad sexual encounters. One partner might not even share their dissatisfaction until it's too late.
Don't wait to become complacent, bored, or resentful! Spice things up and enjoy the fruits of a rejuvenated sex life — right now.
Also, make sure it lasts as long as you want with climax control spray, and be at peak erectile function with VitaFLUX Nitric Oxide Booster.
Lexi Sylver is the Montreal-based erotica author of "Mating Season" and "All the Queen’s Men". She is also the producer and host of "Cocktails and Erotic Tales" as well as her "Swinging 101" webinar series. As an entrepreneur, advocate, educator, podcaster, public speaker and coach for ethical non-monogamy and sexual empowerment, she regularly contributes articles about sexuality and relationships to ASN Lifestyle Magazine, SDC.com and her personal blog, among other places. Her mission is to promote empowerment and education by guiding you to shamelessly explore your sexuality. Get Lexual at lexisylver.com
Absorption Pharmaceuticals LLC (Promescent) has strict informational citing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic or research institutions, medical associations, and medical experts. We attempt to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references and only citing trustworthy sources. Each article is reviewed, written, and updated by Medical Professionals or authoritative Experts in a specific, related field of practice. You can find out more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.
Zava Staff. (n.d). Evolution of Intimacy. zava.com. https://www.zavamed.com/uk/evolution-of-intimacy.html. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Andrew Griffin. 2016 September 19. Sex is improved by shining bright lights at men, new study finds. Independent. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/sex-is-improved-by-shining-bright-lights-at-men-new-study-finds-a7315816.html. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Joe Magliano Ph.D., Reviewed by Lybi Ma. 2015 February 05. The Surprising Psychology of BDSM. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-wide-wide-world-psychology/201502/the-surprising-psychology-bdsm. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Wikipedia Contributors. Last Edited 2022 January 09. Reef knot. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reef_knot. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Wikipedia Contributors. Last Edited 2022 January 24. Bowline. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowline. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Michael Castleman M.A., Reviewed by Lybi Ma. 2015 March 02. The Sexual Boundary Issue That's Seldom Discussed. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201503/the-sexual-boundary-issue-thats-seldom-discussed. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Debby Herbenick, Conceptualization, Data curation, Formal analysis, Funding acquisition, Investigation, Methodology, Project administration, Resources, Writing – original draft, Writing – review & editing, Jessamyn Bowling, Formal analysis, Writing – original draft, Writing – review & editing, Tsung-Chieh (Jane) Fu, Data curation, Formal analysis, Methodology, Software, Supervision, Validation, Visualization, Writing – original draft, Writing – review & editing, Brian Dodge, Conceptualization, Formal analysis, Funding acquisition, Investigation, Methodology, Supervision, Writing – original draft, Writing – review & editing, Lucia Guerra-Reyes, Writing – original draft, Writing – review & editing, and Stephanie Sanders, Writing – original draft, Writing – review & editing. 2017 July 20. Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5519052/ Accessed 27 2022.
Debby Herbenick, Jessamyn Bowling, Tsung-Chieh (Jane) Fu, Brian Dodge, Lucia Guerra-Reyes, Stephanie Sanders. 2017 July 20. Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. PLOS ONE. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0181198. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
M L Haupert, Amanda N Gesselman, Amy C Moors, Helen E Fisher, Justin R Garcia. 2017 July. Prevalence of Experiences With Consensual Nonmonogamous Relationships: Findings From Two National Samples of Single Americans. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27096488/. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
Jason Silberstein, Jessica Kegu. 2019 October 27. "Things are opening up": Non-monogamy is more common than you'd think. CBS News. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/polyamory-relationships-how-common-is-non-monogamy-cbsn-originals/. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
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