The Arousal Gap
The Arousal Gap
Bridging the time between male and female pleasure
Men and women tend to have very different sexual responses. In terms of sexual arousal, men are like microwaves: They are aroused quickly and often with just the push of a few buttons. Women, on the other hand, are like slow cookers. They take longer to get aroused and they require more time and care before they can reach the point of orgasm.
In terms of sexual health, the number one male sexual complaint is premature ejaculation. Now compare that with women—their number one sexual complaint is low libido! It's easy to see how the two together can work to create a vicious cycle. Men and women often move at different speeds in the bedroom and it can be very hard to meet in the middle.
Even couples who do meet in the middle and who do not suffer from sexual complaints still must face the arousal gap. It's a biological fact that can be difficult to circumvent. How can men and women bridge this divide and have mutually enjoyable sexual pleasure?
- I'm sorry to have to tell you this, men – but getting you to slow down is much more effective than having your female partner speed up. And who doesn't want a longer, more enjoyable sexual experience?
- Don't wait until you are in the bedroom to set the mood. If your partner is a slow-cooker, then you need to turn her on before you even leave for work in the morning. Give her a deep, sensual kiss as you head out the door, or send her a naughty email during the day to get her imagination going. It's much harder to start a fire then it is to simply keep the embers stoked, so keep in that mind when it comes to sexual pleasure. Keep your partner's sexual side aroused and engaged all day, and when night falls, she will already in the mental frame of mind.
- Don't skimp on foreplay. Foreplay is wonderful for couples, especially if you suffer from premature ejaculation. It can help you to control your sexual response and delay your sexual pleasure, all while building intimacy and connection. Not to mention, it will bring her arousal and pleasure up to your level.
- Some men can slow down with behavioral methods such as utilizing the start-stop and squeeze techniques. But most couples say that these "tricks" can enable you to last longer, they take away from the joy of sex. Most men prefer some take some type of preventative measures and topical medications are the most common. Mild topical anesthetics have proven to be effective, safe, and can be used "on-demand" (i.e. prior to foreplay or intercourse). Be careful of traditional delay sprays and delay creams, which numb the penis and often transfer to the female partner, slowing her down even more. Look for topical treatments that have absorption technology that enables great ejaculatory control while maintaining good sensory feeling for the man, while virtually eliminating transference to the woman.
Using the latest topical medications, along with communication and attention to one another's needs, you can bridge the arousal gap and enjoy mutually pleasurable and exciting sex.