Wondering how to last longer in bed?
At the moment, you may feel discouraged because like a lot of men, you struggle to last long enough in bed to sexually please your partner.
Whether you experience premature ejaculation, or just have the desire to last longer in bed, you've come to the right place.
Our guide can be the beginning step to restoring your romantic confidence and help make sex better for both of you.
What this guide includes:
So, without further ado, let's get started.
One medically recommended way to improve how long you last in bed is through strengthening your pelvic floor muscles.
When the pelvic floor muscles are weak, it makes it more difficult to control premature ejaculation.
By strengthening your pelvic floor muscles, you’ll have better control over when you climax during intimacy.
You also won’t feel so much at the mercy of the moment.
Here are some quick and easy pelvic floor muscle exercises to help you last longer in bed.
If you search the web for feedback on how Kegels exercises will help you last longer in bed, you'll find both positive and negative experiences.
Let's start with an example of a positive review.
For example, one Reddit user posed the question, “Do you perform Kegel exercises? If so, what have the effects been?"
Not everyone gives raving reviews for Kegels as a solution to give you that extra bedroom confidence, however.
In an article written for The Good Men Project, Deon Black, shares that Kegels exercises are the worst-possible technique to last longer in bed.
Ever wondered if switching up your sex position while lovemaking could help you last longer in bed?
If so, there’s some good news ahead.
After all, we tend to think of trying different sex positions in terms of increasing the variety and adventure of intimacy.
And why not?
Trying new methods is not only fun but essential for a satisfying love life.
We typically don’t think of changing things up with the end goal of solving a problem.
We also generally don’t think of the anatomical variations that result from choosing different positions.
But if you struggle to perform in bed, some sex positions will help you last longer than others (and vice versa).
In light of these anatomical realities, you and your partner could enjoy longer-lasting sex just by paying better attention to how you do it.
Just what sex positions will help you last longer in bed?
Here are a few of the best to consider.
Your main goal here is to decrease the sensitivity for your penis while increasing sensation for the female partner like the following examples.
If you don’t have the time to figure out some of the more complex positions, try going cowgirl.
First, simply lie on your back. Then, let your partner mount, straddle and enter you at an upright position (like she’s riding a bull).
The cowgirl position helps you last longer during sex because your partner has near-total control over the depth and speed of thrusting.
Because you can’t penetrate as vigorously as other positions allow, this helps you delay orgasm.
At the same time, this can help to stimulate your partner’s G-spot.
With you slowing down and her speeding up, you can train yourselves to climax at the same or nearly the same time.
Get in the normal missionary position without penetrating your partner.
After that, simply rub the top of your shaft against her clitoris, vulva and perineum.
Again, this will help by speeding up your partner’s sexual desire while keeping yours from building too quickly.
Start by sitting on a chair with your partner standing with her back to you.
Next, she can lower herself and have you enter her as she sits on your lap facing away from you.
Much like the cowgirl position, this gives the woman more control without you being tempted to thrust too quickly or deeply.
One Reddit responder shared the following positive experience: "And different positions help. For instance, when she's on top, and we're doing more grinding than actually sliding in/out, I can last way way longer. And on the other hand, I still have a problem with doggie - I can barely ever last long in that position, so we usually save that for the very end."
One of the greatest virtues of this delay spray is it’ll help you to last longer in bed quickly.
While kegel exercises or just getting in better overall shape could eventually improve your lasting power, delay sprays can help you now.
The best delay sprays include a metered spraying mechanism so you can control just the right amount that works best for you.
A quality premature ejaculation spray, like Promescent, also does a good job of keeping as much of your sensitivity as possible while ensuring your partner feels little to no numbing effects at all.
Slowing down your climax while speeding up your partner’s is crucial.
An inferior premature ejaculation delay spray could wind up numbing your female partner.
This could make it even harder for her to reach climax during intercourse.
The desensitizing components of the best delay sprays (commonly lidocaine) are safe and easy to use.
Simply apply your premature ejaculation spray several minutes before intercourse whenever you wish to make sex last longer.
Although the application of using a premature ejaculation delay spray is a pretty straightforward process, you’ll get the best results by following these simple tips:
Besides scientific research that backs up the value of delay sprays for helping with men last longer in bed, thousands of positive reviews exist.
This Amazon review was posted by Chaquel Finney: "When it was time to get down to business, let me tell you.... Bayyyybeeee!!!! I had the time of my life and so did he!!! He held on for nearly thirty minutes before he had to release!!! When we finished, he told me that we HAVE TO DO THAT AGAIN!!!"
Another satisfied delay spray customer said, "This stuff works! Like, it actually freaking works. I had two concerns about this product - 1. will it ruin her experience, 2. how and where am I supposed to spray? (the comments had be worried about application). Both concerns were quickly put to rest."
Incorporating the edging method (also called 'start-stop method') is also a powerful weapon in your quest to help you last longer in bed with a partner.
What ultimately causes you to cum too soon? Overstimulation.
The edging method can help you to quickly step back from the point of no return when climax feels imminent.
Some guys don’t realize that when they’re close to coming, there’s often a way to avoid orgasm. The key is catching it soon enough.
How exactly is it done? Let’s take a look.
Pro tip: Promescent offers a line of male stamina trainers to help you last longer in bed.
This method is easy to excel at with just a little practice.
Here are a few tips:
Work together to devise a way to at once cause you to avoid orgasm while bringing your partner closer to that point.
One possibility could be if you momentarily pull out during sex, you can use your fingers to stimulate her clitoris until you’ve backed away from your climax and re-entered.
That way she won’t lose her sexual momentum during your pause.
One Quora user posed the question, "How do I stop my early ejaculation?"In response, Neel Shah said, "A simple way is to slide out for some time till you cool down and then get going again."
Another Quora responder in answer to the same questionsaid, "You can stop whatever you’re doing that is going to cause you to ejaculate..."
Regarding the start-stop method one man found it ineffective, sharing the following: "I have no cool down period. I pull out, the feeling goes away, then it comes back after four strokes max."
Another effective way the helps many men that experience premature ejaculation is to use the squeeze technique.
This is another form of edging and can be especially helpful if you’re a split-second past the point of the stop-start method being able to work.
If you’re so close to reaching orgasm that ceasing stimulation won’t be enough, giving the squeeze technique a go might do the trick.
If it works, you’ll have saved yourself from another experience where you walked away wishing you would have lasted longer in bed.
The squeeze technique is easy enough to carry out.
Here are some highlights:
Again, be sure to find some ways for your female partner to stay aroused while you use this technique.
A Redditor asked, "How to NOT prematurely ejaculate."In response a fellow Redditor said, "Choke the head of your penis. Trust me, it works."
Another Reddit user shared, "I read about this when I was young. It worked for me the first time I tried it and, when I found I had gained complete control of my orgasms, I changed in many ways..."
Some guys reach climax during the foreplay stage of sex.
As such, they attempt to do no foreplay at all or they don’t do enough.
Then, they quickly finish with sex and wonder why they climaxed so much earlier than their partner—again.
Women and men are quite different in how sex arouses them.
For both, it’s true there’s a physical and emotional element to sexual intimacy.
Having said that, women fall much more on the emotional side than men.
Guys tend to focus more on the physical sex act itself.
You need to give your partner plenty of warm-up time before penile-vaginal intercourse begins.
Your partner will also feel more loved, cared for and special if you take your time with her.
This helps to get her physical sexual desire going in a way that starting out with thrusting never could.
For some guys, more foreplay can solve your lasting longer in bed issues when it comes to how your partner perceives your performance.
It delays your orgasm (little to no stimulation to the penis during foreplay for her) while getting their partner closer to climax at the same time.
Although there are endless possibilities, here are a few to consider.
Pro Tip: Not talking about stressful things is also important.
Save work, financial and child-centered concerns for another time.
You need to successfully help her to leave that world of responsibilities to get her in the mood for sex.
Setting the right mood by paying attention to environmental factors helps. Get as many senses involved as you can.
That could also involve wearing some of her favorite cologne.
In answer to the question, "How to cure premature ejaculation?" One Reddit user shared, "Having issues pre-ing your pants? I recommend a ton of foreplay, like hours of it. The ladies love to cuddle before and after..."
Another Redditor said, "Spend more time on sensually massaging her and giving oral. The closer she is, the less time you'll have to spend in there!"
Crippling anxiety can show up in virtually any area of life. This includes sexual performance anxiety.
Besides in the bedroom, performance anxiety commonly takes place in social settings, while public speaking or during a musical or athletic performance.
There are certain expectations others have for you when you’re performing. And you don’t want to let others or yourself down.
The same is true of sexual performance anxiety in the bedroom (with the added vulnerability of romantic love).
What often leads to such anxiety?
Usually, it’s the fear of things not going as desired, especially if you experience premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.
This can wreak havoc on your mental health when it comes to sexual activity.
It’s the anticipatory fear of failing that wreaks havoc on your mental and physical state.
Sadly, this fear of failure often leads to more of the very thing you most fear—more failure.
Sexual performance anxiety can get especially bad if you’ve had one or more disappointing experiences during intimacy in the past.
For instance, the embarrassment and frustration that often accompany not lasting long enough can really hurt your self-confidence.
Each new time before intimacy, you become increasingly worried things won’t go well.
And the more you experience an anxious physiological and mental response beforehand, the more difficulty you’ll have.
Often anxiety sufferers avoid whatever makes them anxious.
While that may make them feel safe in the short term, in the long run, they miss out on important aspects of life.
This is especially true of sexual intimacy for men.
Avoiding sexual intimacy because it makes you anxious will leave you feeling lonely, inadequate and unloved.
What can you do to combat sexual performance anxiety and last longer in bed?
Here are a few quick ideas:
In answer to, "Beating premature ejaculation? Anyone?" one Reddit user said, "One mental thing, which I know is easier said than done, is not to worry about it in the moment. I found that the more worried I was about trying not to come right away, the more often I did. But when I started to worry about it less, I ironically found I could last longer."
Another responder to the same question said, "Oh, and managing my anxiety. When your nervous system is in overdrive, it's impossible to last long."
As a guy, your sexual energy builds up over time.
That means the longer you go between an orgasm, the more your body will crave it.
Because of this, that pent-up sexual desire makes it harder to delay ejaculation.
That’s great and all as long as you don’t cum too soon for your partner. However, this can sometimes pose a problem.
What do you do in that case?
Many men find it helpful to masturbate and climax before having sex.
That way, your sexual build-up and desire won’t be as strong, giving you increased ability to last longer in bed.
One Redditor responded to the same question by saying, "One technique is masturbation. Not too long before you plan on having activities but not too close that you haven't recovered yet."
In response to the question, "Beating premature ejaculation? Anyone?" one Reddit user said, "I'm not a big proponent of just jerking an hour or two prior as that inhibits my drive too much."
Improving your cardio health won’t bring instant success like a premature ejaculation sprays can, but it will increase your stamina and blood flow which will help you not only help you last longer during sex, but it can also help you achieve stronger erections.
At the same time, a study conducted by the ISSM showed that improving your heart health betters every aspect of your bodily functioning, including how you perform during sex.
Better yet, improving your cardio health can drastically increase the odds that you’ll have a satisfying sex life for many years to come.
Whether you hope to tone up some or lose your belly fat, this will help your overall sexual health too.
Your physical appearance, endurance, overall health and confidence will all improve as a result all of which will help you last longer in bed.
You’ll also see an improvement and reduction in any anxiety or depression you may have.
For instance, holding out long enough to please your partner requires some measure of physical fitness.
If you struggle to maintain your stamina during sexual activity, you’ll also struggle to bring your partner to climax.
Just how can you improve your sexual health? Any type of exercise that raises your heart rate and increases blood flow is a great place to start.
This could include:
Here are some cardio tips to consider if you decide on one or more possible exercise types to improve your overall sexual wellness.
Whenever you feel like slacking on your workouts, remember that your bedroom performance will likely improve if you stay consistent.
Besides that, you’re sure to have better sex as a result too.
Keep your eye on that goal when you feel like quitting.
One person shared that cardio workouts helped with lasting longer in bed.
Here's how he described it: "Exercise! The more I run, the longer I last and you get in shape. Much better/safer alternative to drugs!"
You may look at this remedy and think, "Seriously?" But yoga and breathing exercises aren’t just for the ladies.
You can also reap plenty of benefits as a guy.
A study conducted by the Duke University School of Medicine found that yoga and breathing exercises help to get the body and mind in touch with each other.
And yoga takes it a step farther by incorporating the spiritual aspect.
They help you to stay focused on the moment.
And depending on the type of yoga you do, it can help to strengthen muscles important for ejaculation.
Good sex requires a relaxed mind and body.
Both of these potential solutions can help with that.
Good breathing is also important for managing sexual performance anxiety.
If your breathing is relaxed, your mind and body will likely stay relaxed too.
However, if you begin to become upset and exhibit shallow breathing, your anxiety could spike.
Shallow breaths may not always tell your body to get anxious. Instead, it may tell your body to get excited too fast.
Guys often have short shallow breaths when they become sexually aroused during intimacy.
The problem is that this causes them to cum too soon.
By learning to breathe deeply, some men have found this helpful in being able to minimize sexual tension and heightened arousal early on during sexual activity.
The result is they can last longer in bed.
Probably the best way to learn yoga techniques is to join a local class near you.
There's also an abundance of videos online if you’d rather try it at home.
Whether you learn from an instructor or become self-taught, you’ll likely see a variety of life improvements even if you don’t notice a difference in your bedroom performance.
There are many different types of yoga available.
Once you see the options out there and learn their unique benefits, you’ll be able to choose the type that works best for you.
Since a central part of yoga involves deep breathing, you’ll learn in detail how to control your breathing.
Here are some quick tips for deep breathing:
In response to, "How to handle sucking in bed, premature ejaculation?" one Reddit user said, "Breathing, look up sex god method. Shit helps..."
A similar question posed on Reddit was, "How to NOT prematurely ejaculate." One Redditor said, "Breathe. Take a full breath deep into your lungs, and then all the way out. Don't get caught in one small section of the breathing process. Continue breathing fully."
Have you tried a variety of techniques to help with sexual anxiety or premature ejaculation with little success?
If so, it could be wise to visit a sex therapist.
Although seeking out a sex therapist may seem a bit intimidating, there’s no cause for concern.
If premature ejaculation is an ongoing struggle, you may also want to consider trying desensitizing condoms.
Besides providing the already-known benefits of birth control and safer sex, they also can delay ejaculation and help guys last longer in bed.
Note: We recommend trying a premature ejaculation spray like Promescent before condoms as you are able to control the dosage and where to apply - something you cannot do with a desensitizing condom.
If you find yourself coming way earlier than your partner, desensitizing condoms can provide a potent one-two punch to help with that.
Even condoms without added desensitizing solutions provide some desensitization.
If "normal" condoms don’t work and you still cum too early, that means you’ll need some additional desensitizing action.
The desensitizing gel (usually benzocaine) that’s added to the tip of some condoms can add the extra delay control you need during sexual activity.
These condoms make for easy cleanup and there’s little concern that the desensitizing gel will negatively impact your partner’s sexual enjoyment.
Using a desensitizing condom is relatively simple. Here are a few extra suggestions to ensure you get great results.
One happy customer left a review entitled, "It really is long-lasting."The customer went on to say, "My boyfriend and I decided to try a new condom, and we picked this one. I was a bit skeptical about it being long-lasting. Well, sure enough, it was long-lasting. We were messing around for about 30 minutes and usually a certain position makes him finish. We were able to do that certain position multiple times!!! We both loved it!!!"
Not everyone had the same positive experience though. Another user left a review for a similar product entitled, "Insipid and unpleasant"
Here's the review in their own words: "Poor experience. Significantly numbs your feeling (that’s presumably why it proclaimed to “slow him down”) and thus made a pleasant, stimulating experience horrible insipid. Very oily surface (arguably for lubricating purpose, yet very obnoxious), with intensely unpleasant smell like marijuana. The only merit I can find is the affordability."
By nature, not lasting long enough in bed is an isolating struggle because it can be embarrassing to bring up.
First, remember that this is a very common challenge for guys.
Next, resist the urge to handle this problem on your own and talk with your partner instead.
Communicating with your partner about it can provide a major boost in confidence overcoming premature ejaculation.
For instance, what if your partner has wrongly assumed you don’t want to sexually please her and that you care only for yourself?
By discussing these challenges, you’ll be able to let her know that you badly want to please her.
Once your partner understands what’s happening, she’ll be more sympathetic and willing to help.
Most of the time, guys are harder on themselves about their perceived sexual prowess than their female partner ever would be. It’s often an ego thing.
Your female partner will generally be more communicative than you.
That’s just how most relationships play out and that’s also OK.
Your partner will realize it took courage for you to bring the challenge up and will respect you for taking the risk.
How to Talk to Your Partner
How your discussion with your partner plays out will depend on a number of factors.
Of course, the stronger your relationship is, the likelier you’ll experience a positive outcome.
Here are a few extra tips to help make this discussion more successful.
In light of that, be open to suggestions from your partner. Some of them will likely be different from your ideas. And that’s exactly what you want.
The more different ideas of how to tackle the problem, the more likely you’ll come up with a good solution.
One Reddit user shared that, "Communicating changed everything for us, and it's helped give me the confidence to last as long as I want to recently..."
When it comes to sex toys, you can always use them to add some variety to your foreplay.
As already shared, this means your partner will be ready to go once penile-vaginal intercourse begins.
Another thing you can do to last longer in bed, you can also incorporate cock rings and penis extenders if you’d like.
Cock rings restrict the blood flow from your penis once it’s erect. The result is an erection that’s stronger.
Another benefit to cock rings is that they provide increased sensation at the same time.
The vibrating varieties can be very pleasurable for your partner.
Penis sleeves can be placed over your penis, adding as much length and girth as you and your partner desire.
They look and feel realistic.
Better yet, these extenders decrease sensitivity for men while potentially increasing it for the female partner.
Penis extenders offer a more effective and safer option to increase size than surgeries or penis-stretching devices do.
A satisfied customer who purchased a penis extender shared the following: "Very comfortable, also stays on. Great way to change it up with your partner and have some fun."
One happy customer who purchased cock rings said, "This one is absolutely exceptional the quality and comfort is hands down one the top "marital aid's" I've used so far. IT REALLY DOES MAKE IT BIGGER, HARDER, AND LASTED WAY LONGER!!"
Regarding cock rings, one customer didn't have such a great experience, saying, "If you like pain this is for you."
Although roughly 77% of boys in the US are circumcised at a young age, that still adds up to millions who don’t undergo circumcision.
The decision usually comes down to the religious beliefs, traditions and personal preferences of their parents.
The most common time for circumcision is shortly after birth or during early childhood.
Although the choice to circumcise or not is typically viewed as a cosmetic and cultural thing, it could impact a guy’s sexual activity.
This is especially relevant for guys who haven’t been circumcised but struggle in bed.
WebMD cited that uncircumcised men, on average, climax earlier than circumcised men.
It should be noted that there are conflicting reports about how effective circumcision is for premature ejaculation.
There are three different schools of thought so far:
How to Go About Adult Circumcision:
Could St. John’s wort help with premature ejaculation? One scientific study would suggest that this is a good possibility.
St. John’s wort is a highly common herbal supplement found at virtually any store with a vitamin section.
Those who’ve experienced any significant battle with depression and sought solutions likely have come across this supplement at some point.
St. John’s wort, thankfully, has little to do with a dead saint or warts.
Yes, the name is more than a little unappealing to those considering the supplement for the first time. In reality, St. John’s wort is merely a flowering herbal plant.
Most of the desired potency derived from the herb is found in its flowers. The flowers are used to make dietary capsules, teas and liquid extracts.
A variety of studies would collectively suggest that St. John’s wort can help with premature ejaculation both directly and indirectly.
Because studies would imply that St. John’s wort could be useful to some for managing depression, it may indirectly help you with ejauclation.
If you struggle with depression, that can make your battle with ejaculatory dysfunction all the more challenging.
If your symptoms include the underlying cause of depression, St. John’s wort might indirectly improve your situation as your depression improves.
The herb appears to have a positive effect on neurotransmitters like serotonin.
A study concluded that St. John’s wort, “increased the duration of sexual intercourse before ejaculation for men with and without complaints of PE. Sexual satisfaction improved for both the men and his partner after hyperforin use.”
Another study suggests that St. John’s wort, “inhibits rat and human vas deferens contractility.”In other words, the supplement may directly help guys that experience premature ejaculation.
Besides potential supplements like St. John’s wort, another possibility to consider is prescription pills.
It’s generally advisable not to use prescription pills as a first or second choice because each prescription drug will come with a variety of potential side effects.
You and your physician will have to determine if the cure outweighs the downsides of the med you're trying.
If you’ve tried a variety of the techniques provided in this guide and you still struggle to manage your premature ejaculation, it could be time to talk with your doctor.
Read More: Premature Ejaculation Pills: Do They Work?
If you’ll be seeing your physician for the first time regarding lasting longer in bed, it’s understandable if you feel a little nervous or uncomfortable.
You may worry that discussing your condition will be embarrassing or that your doctor won’t understand your struggle.
Hint: If you'd rather not take a prescription, Promescent make a premature ejaculation spray that can decrease sensitivity and help you last longer during sex.
In light of that, here are some tips that should help when requesting a prescription medication for for those experiencing premature ejaculation.
When attempting to last longer in bed, keep in mind that your mind plays a big role as well.
Think back to the times when you became super aroused during sex. Inevitably, that arousal started with a sexually charged thought you had.
Try paying better attention to the brain’s role in helping you to build sexual interest to the point of climax.
Then, you’ll be more prepared to direct your thoughts in a way that either delays or speeds up orgasm.
If you find yourself speeding up too fast, try thinking of something less overtly sexual or something that isn’t sexual at all.
That could be almost anything although your overall experience will be more enjoyable if you think of something fun or relaxing such as:
What do you think of if none of these work?
You could try thinking about unpaid bills, imagine yourself in a traffic jam or picture your mother-in-law ringing your doorbell.
In answer to the question, "How to cure premature ejaculation?" one Reddit user responded, "Nuns and baseball dude." Apparently, distracted thinking must've worked for him!
Another Reddit user responded to the same question by saying,"Others will include keeping your mind elsewhere. Sort of like a hideous Zen meditation where you are looking at your grandmother naked."
For another Reddit user, "sandwiches" were the secret sauce: "I've found thinking about sandwiches helps. Whenever I'm trying to last longer and I feel it coming. I just think "sandwiches, sandwiches, sandwiches" works every time."
Many of these improvement techniques are interconnected.
By doing well with one of them, that’ll likely carry over into other areas.
For instance, talking about your performance in bed with your partner can help to decrease your performance anxiety and help your mental health overall.
Maybe changing up sex positions, using a premature ejaculation spray like Promescent or visiting a sex therapist will be the solution.
The more you approach overcoming your premature ejaculation from different angles, the more you will succeed.
It’s also likely that several of these techniques either won’t be your thing or something that works for you.
And that’s totally OK.
The adventure is in figuring out what works best for you and your partner.
And it really can be an adventure.
You’ll find out things about each other you otherwise never would’ve.
The end result can be an even stronger relationship because you had to work through your challenge.
As you embark on your quest to last longer in bed, remember that there are many options available out there that can help.
We’re all unique, and while something like pelvic floor exercises might help delay ejaculation for some guys, for others it might not.