How To Build Sexual Intimacy

7 Tips To Build Intimacy With Your Partner

A stellar sex life isn’t defined by notches on a bedpost or an endless tally of orgasms.

Really amazing sex is grounded in deep intimacy. Some people actually confuse the words “sex” and “intimacy,” but if you’ve ever used both “banging” and “making love” to describe your sexual experiences, you know there’s a world of difference between them.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex as a purely physical act. But sex with intimacy — sex with a partner you truly know, who truly knows you — takes time and effort. And it’s more than worth it.

Whether you’re easing into the intimate bonds of a brand-new romance or hoping to rekindle the fires of passion in a long-term partnership, we’ve got a few tips to help you build sexual intimacy in your relationship.

1. Put Down The Phone

2016 study from Brigham Young University found that couples with more “technoference” in their relationships — that is, distractions stemming from electronic devices — dealt with “more conflict over technology use, lower relationship satisfaction, more depressive symptoms, and lower life satisfaction.”

So if you’re looking for greater intimacy, look somewhere other than your iPhone. Candy isn’t the only thing you’ll be crushing if you pay more attention to your screen than your partner...

2. Ask Your Partner Questions

Do you know your partner intimately?

A 2015 essay published in The New York Times’ “Modern Love” column described a famous laboratory experiment that made two perfect strangers fall in love.

How?

Through a series of 36 probing questions designed to foster intimacy.

You don’t have to follow a structured experiment to increase intimacy by asking questions. Take an interest in your partner — and that means in the bedroom, too.

Don’t fall into a sexual rut or assume you know what your partner wants. Get on your partner’s level! Find out what feels good to them at the moment and what sensations they’re craving. Are they dying to incorporate toys into your sex life? How are they're feeling emotionally while you’re in the throes of physical passion? What‘s going through their head after orgasm?

And once you’ve asked the questions, really listen. Their answers may make you uncomfortable or challenge you. They may also really turn you on. Embrace the conversation that ensues.

3. Show Gratitude

literature review published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that “people who are more appreciative of their partners… are more committed and more likely to remain in their relationships over time.”

The review concluded that “gratitude is important for the successful maintenance of intimate bonds.”

Another study found that both giving and receiving gratitude are linked to the production of oxytocin, popularly known as the “love hormone,” which is associated with relationship building and sexual activity.

4. Touch Each Other More

Touch is one of the first senses we develop. Babies need it; as adults, we need it, too.

California-based therapist Gary Brown recommends regular, simple acts of touch with your partner: a long hug after a day at work, snuggling in bed, and flirtatious contact like shoulder massages, tousles of the hair, or even light spankings.

Lost a bit of your mojo? Feeling tentative in the bedroom? Give sensate focus a try.

Sensate focus is a behavioral therapy developed in the 1960s by William Masters and Virginia Johnson Masters. It helps couples focus on the touch and how it makes them feel — completely separated from the pressure of sex and the need for release that comes with it.

Sensate focus helps increase body awareness and comfort; builds trust; slows down sexual interactions; and increases sexual intimacy by encouraging physical exploration and creating a slow burn of desire that, once released, can lead to incredible sex.

Promescent Shop
Sexual Wellness Starts Here
Check out our shop for all your sexual wellness needs. Make love longer, smoother, safer, and healthier with Promescent!

5. Make Intimacy A Priority

When the new year rolls around, many experts recommend scheduling your gym time like it’s a meeting or appointment. This elevates the task of working out so that it’s equal with the other tasks in life that demand your attention.

The same goes for sexy time: If you’re hoping to build sexual intimacy, prioritize it.

It’s all too easy to let physical intimacy fall by the wayside as everyday life runs its course. By the end of a long work day, sitting down to a big, satisfying dinner and cozying up to an evening on the couch with Netflix and a blanket may seem like the most appealing activity.

It can also be challenging to coax yourself into “the mood” when you’re preoccupied with work or in hibernation mode. So even if it feels unromantic at first, try penciling a little nookie into your schedule.

Eventually, it will become an appointment you won’t want to postpone.

Although physical intimacy is important in every relationship, you'll also need to take emotional intimacy into consideration. These emotions are expressed verbally through communication and non verbally through body language.

It may take some time to truly understand and get to know your significant other on a deeper level to really see a difference in your level of emotional intimacy but if you continually work on listening and communicating with each other more, then surely you'll have built something very pleasing for the both of you.    

6. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone — Together

It’s a lot easier to take risks when you’ve got a buddy along for the ride, right?

Well, it turns out that taking risks together may actually turn that buddy into more than just a friend! A famous 1973 study found that experiencing an arousal reaction from fear often translated that arousal into sexual attraction, providing a “basis of support for an emotion-sexual attraction link.”

Why not test that theory with your partner?

Get a little scared together: Break out of an escape room, cuddle up to watch the latest horror flick on Netflix, or book a romantic helicopter ride over the nearest city.

Or, if you’re already in the bedroom, get your adrenaline pumping with some risqué foreplay that requires a bit of trust. (We suggest fuzzy handcuffs or a handkerchief blindfold!)

7. Stop Worrying About Premature Ejaculation

Nothing kills a sense of intimacy like a needless preoccupation about your performance.

Promescent Climax Control Spray is the only male delay spray clinically proven to increase time to orgasm and give couples more freedom to enjoy their most intimate moments — without the fear of finishing before both partners are satisfied.

Ready to focus more on coming together? Order a bottle of Promescent online or find it at a retailer near you.

How To Build Sexual Intimacy

7 Tips To Build Intimacy With Your Partner

A stellar sex life isn’t defined by notches on a bedpost or an endless tally of orgasms.

Really amazing sex is grounded in deep intimacy. Some people actually confuse the words “sex” and “intimacy,” but if you’ve ever used both “banging” and “making love” to describe your sexual experiences, you know there’s a world of difference between them.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex as a purely physical act. But sex with intimacy — sex with a partner you truly know, who truly knows you — takes time and effort. And it’s more than worth it.

Whether you’re easing into the intimate bonds of a brand-new romance or hoping to rekindle the fires of passion in a long-term partnership, we’ve got a few tips to help you build sexual intimacy in your relationship.

1. Put Down The Phone

2016 study from Brigham Young University found that couples with more “technoference” in their relationships — that is, distractions stemming from electronic devices — dealt with “more conflict over technology use, lower relationship satisfaction, more depressive symptoms, and lower life satisfaction.”

So if you’re looking for greater intimacy, look somewhere other than your iPhone. Candy isn’t the only thing you’ll be crushing if you pay more attention to your screen than your partner...

2. Ask Your Partner Questions

Do you know your partner intimately?

A 2015 essay published in The New York Times’ “Modern Love” column described a famous laboratory experiment that made two perfect strangers fall in love.

How?

Through a series of 36 probing questions designed to foster intimacy.

You don’t have to follow a structured experiment to increase intimacy by asking questions. Take an interest in your partner — and that means in the bedroom, too.

Don’t fall into a sexual rut or assume you know what your partner wants. Get on your partner’s level! Find out what feels good to them at the moment and what sensations they’re craving. Are they dying to incorporate toys into your sex life? How are they're feeling emotionally while you’re in the throes of physical passion? What‘s going through their head after orgasm?

And once you’ve asked the questions, really listen. Their answers may make you uncomfortable or challenge you. They may also really turn you on. Embrace the conversation that ensues.

3. Show Gratitude

literature review published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that “people who are more appreciative of their partners… are more committed and more likely to remain in their relationships over time.”

The review concluded that “gratitude is important for the successful maintenance of intimate bonds.”

Another study found that both giving and receiving gratitude are linked to the production of oxytocin, popularly known as the “love hormone,” which is associated with relationship building and sexual activity.

4. Touch Each Other More

Touch is one of the first senses we develop. Babies need it; as adults, we need it, too.

California-based therapist Gary Brown recommends regular, simple acts of touch with your partner: a long hug after a day at work, snuggling in bed, and flirtatious contact like shoulder massages, tousles of the hair, or even light spankings.

Lost a bit of your mojo? Feeling tentative in the bedroom? Give sensate focus a try.

Sensate focus is a behavioral therapy developed in the 1960s by William Masters and Virginia Johnson Masters. It helps couples focus on the touch and how it makes them feel — completely separated from the pressure of sex and the need for release that comes with it.

Sensate focus helps increase body awareness and comfort; builds trust; slows down sexual interactions; and increases sexual intimacy by encouraging physical exploration and creating a slow burn of desire that, once released, can lead to incredible sex.

Promescent Shop
Sexual Wellness Starts Here
Check out our shop for all your sexual wellness needs. Make love longer, smoother, safer, and healthier with Promescent!

5. Make Intimacy A Priority

When the new year rolls around, many experts recommend scheduling your gym time like it’s a meeting or appointment. This elevates the task of working out so that it’s equal with the other tasks in life that demand your attention.

The same goes for sexy time: If you’re hoping to build sexual intimacy, prioritize it.

It’s all too easy to let physical intimacy fall by the wayside as everyday life runs its course. By the end of a long work day, sitting down to a big, satisfying dinner and cozying up to an evening on the couch with Netflix and a blanket may seem like the most appealing activity.

It can also be challenging to coax yourself into “the mood” when you’re preoccupied with work or in hibernation mode. So even if it feels unromantic at first, try penciling a little nookie into your schedule.

Eventually, it will become an appointment you won’t want to postpone.

Although physical intimacy is important in every relationship, you'll also need to take emotional intimacy into consideration. These emotions are expressed verbally through communication and non verbally through body language.

It may take some time to truly understand and get to know your significant other on a deeper level to really see a difference in your level of emotional intimacy but if you continually work on listening and communicating with each other more, then surely you'll have built something very pleasing for the both of you.    

6. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone — Together

It’s a lot easier to take risks when you’ve got a buddy along for the ride, right?

Well, it turns out that taking risks together may actually turn that buddy into more than just a friend! A famous 1973 study found that experiencing an arousal reaction from fear often translated that arousal into sexual attraction, providing a “basis of support for an emotion-sexual attraction link.”

Why not test that theory with your partner?

Get a little scared together: Break out of an escape room, cuddle up to watch the latest horror flick on Netflix, or book a romantic helicopter ride over the nearest city.

Or, if you’re already in the bedroom, get your adrenaline pumping with some risqué foreplay that requires a bit of trust. (We suggest fuzzy handcuffs or a handkerchief blindfold!)

7. Stop Worrying About Premature Ejaculation

Nothing kills a sense of intimacy like a needless preoccupation about your performance.

Promescent Climax Control Spray is the only male delay spray clinically proven to increase time to orgasm and give couples more freedom to enjoy their most intimate moments — without the fear of finishing before both partners are satisfied.

Ready to focus more on coming together? Order a bottle of Promescent online or find it at a retailer near you.

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