15 Proven Sex Tips For Women To Be Better In Bed

We've compiled this handy guide of 15 proven sex tips for women to help spice up your sex life.

Dr. Laura Berman
Human sexuality and relationship expert
by Dr. Laura Berman Last updated 12/06/2023
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Women are supposed to be the complicated ones when it comes to sex and sexuality.

Yet, men can be just as complex even though they probably would never admit it.

Males can stay more tight-lipped about their bedroom desires than what most women expect.

Getting to the core of what a man wants can be tough, and getting the best sex advice is not always easy, even if you ask your BFF or watch videos on sex tips for women.

Sex therapists and insightful surveys make it possible to get the low-down on what men really want in the sack.

Here's a list of the most solid pieces of sex advice for women.

1. Harness the power of your own confidence.

How to be more confident in bed as a woman

As many as 1 in 10 women have problems feeling confident in the bedroom when it comes to either how they look or their abilities to please their partner.

Even though you may feel uneasy about how you look or how what you're doing is making him feel, it is best to lower your inhibitions and really try to be confident.

Confidence in the bedroom can be a massive turn on for your partner.

If you really struggle with your own perceptions of body image, you can ease your way into things by:

  • Turning off the lights
  • Blindfolding him so he can only feel what you do
  • Picking out something to wear that makes you feel better about your body
  • Being mindful of what your own inner voice is saying; positive thoughts can boost confidence (e.g. I am so unattractive versus I look so sexy)

To feel more confident, it is important that you keep in mind that he is looking at your body and not you.

You may see all the flaws and negatives, but he sees a sexy, sensual and beautiful woman, and he's most likely to be thrilled with your every movement.

2. Use the power of touch beyond the genitals.

How to pleasure a man in bed

If you dig into sex tips for women from men, one thing you may find surprising is men liked to be touched too.

Learn about a man's erogenous zones and use that knowledge in the bedroom.

Believe it or not, guys like to be touched sensuously just as much as women.

  • Rub your hands along his thighs in a teasing way.
  • Caress his shoulders and back as you press your own body against his.
  • Cup his face, stroke his cheeks, or comb your fingers through his hair.

This sensuous touch can really heighten your partner's senses during foreplay and can be incredibly arousing during sex.

While attention to his genitals is ever-important, touching other erogenous zones builds anticipation during foreplay and helps nurture that sensual connection during sex.

3. Don't be afraid to give new things a try.

    Diversity can really spice up your sex life.

    One of the best sex tips for women is to be open about trying new things.

    It is hard to know what new things either of you like if you only ever try the same things.

    Men often complain about:

    • Always having sex in the same position
    • Always having sex in the same place
    • Always following a certain routine (e.g. fondling, oral, intercourse)

    Some guys are hesitant to give new things a try because they fear a female's reaction.

    So, taking the lead and showing him you're willing to try something new is bound to make things more interesting and exciting.

    Something as small as ordering a new sex toy to use on him or for him to use on you can open up a new realm of possibilities in the world of sex.

    However, it can also be fun to bring in some sexual games, some role-playing, some new positions, or just a little dirty talk.

    See our top rated article on the best sex positions: Top 12 Sex Positions to Help Men Last Longer

    4. Use oral sex tips for women to your (and his) advantage.

      It is no scientific secret that oral sex can be one of the most arousing things for a man, but pleasing him using oral sex tips for women can be surprisingly arousing for you just the same.

      One of the best sex tips for better sex orally is to use your hands.

      There are so many ways to put your hands to work while using your mouth, such as:

      • Cupping, gently squeezing, and lightly tugging his scrotum
      • Forming a fist around his shaft and gripping firmly as you move up and down
      • Using short pumps and squeezes to stimulate his head with your fingers

      With your mouth, alternate between flicking the tongue, sucking, and kissing the different parts of his genitals.

      He will most assuredly have a good time as you experiment and find all the things he likes.

      Don't be afraid to ask him if he likes something you're doing with your mouth and hands.

      The entire ordeal can be really arousing for both of you.

      5. Stay focused on the moment.

        Minds wander during sex. It happens and it's perfectly normal, but it's critical to pull your mind back and focus.

        You may find yourself thinking about your long list of things to do or stressing about a project you need to finish at work.

        The problem is, a wandering mind during sex takes you out of the moment and reduces your focus on the sensual or pleasurable feelings your partner is trying to deliver.

        Just as you need to practice mindfulness in other areas of your life, you need to do so during sex.

        6. Get vocal—it's one of the best sex tips for women.

        Woman who moan in bed

          If you ask 100 guys to give sex advice for women, at least 99 of them will likely bring up the fact that they like a vocal woman in bed.

          Getting vocal is all about just opening your mouth and letting the thoughts slip out.

          • If something feels good, express it.
          • If you want him in a certain position, let him know.
          • If you feel like groaning, moaning, or breathing heavy, don't hold back.

          Your partner is going to find all your vocalizations arousing, and it can even arouse you in the process.

          If you're normally quiet during sex, try getting vocal while you masturbate alone to see what gets you excited and it'll likely work just the same for him.

          7. Speak up when your partner does something you like or don't.

            Just as all those feel-good vocalizations are a good thing, so is speaking up and letting your partner know what you like.

            Likewise, a guy is only going to know you dislike something if you let him know.

            Whether it is simply expressing that you like it when he rubs his X on your Y or it'd be so sexy if he'd (fill-in-the-blank), this is affirming what you like, which is really hot for both of you.

            Guys often struggle to know whether they're doing it right and you're enjoying their efforts.

            Speaking up when you do like something and gently leading him elsewhere when you can’t really heighten the sexual encounter.

            8. Consider fulfilling your partner's fantasies or opening up about yours.

            Should i tell my partner my sex fantasies?

              Most men do have sexual fantasies that they would love to share, but they don't want their partner to think their fantasy is creepy.

              But on the same note, most men wish their partner would fill them in on their sexual fantasies.

              Such insightful information can easily be used as sex advice for women.

              If you're a little shy about sharing your fantasy aloud, make a game out of jotting down different fantasies on paper with an agreement that this will be a judgment-free experience.

              Stuff the written fantasies in a box or bag and pull one out the next time the two of you are in the heat of the moment.

              Fantasies can have themes, involve certain roles, or even just be associated with certain scenarios.

              In any case, these imaginative ideas should be shameless and guilt-free.

              If you pluck out a fantasy that has you a little concerned or makes you uncomfortable, talk about it.

              Find out what it is about the fantasy that is arousing to your partner and work off of that.

              9. Keep an open mind about porn.

              Is watching porn healthy?

                Pornography is such a fickle part of modern sexuality.

                While men are most often stereotyped as porn-watchers, some women enjoy it just the same.

                And, there is a line between healthy porn-watching and porn as an addiction.

                When used in an appropriate way, watching porn can be a healthy part of a sexual relationship and a good way to enhance arousal.

                In some situations, women are put off by the idea that their partner is aroused by the sight of another woman or by certain scenarios.

                However, if you can get to the root of what it is about the woman or the scenario that is enticing to him, you can bring those ideas into your own sexual endeavors or at least open up a discussion about what is appealing to him.

                Porn is often a secret thing, but it doesn't have to be.

                If you have hard limits about watching porn yourself, say so, but if your partner enjoys it, it is best to try to let them have their own sexual identity to a logical extent and not put them in a position where they feel they have to be dishonest.

                Sexuality and arousal can be extremely idiosyncratic or unique to the individual.

                Learning how to appreciate this fact can be one of the best sex tips for women to remember because it allows a man to be himself without feeling ashamed or guilty.

                10. Don't take the loss of erection or premature ejaculation personally ... just move on.

                  It happens to all guys at some point, and there's not necessarily anyone to blame.

                  If his erection goes soft halfway through foreplay or sex, don't take it personally.

                  Overreacting to the situation is going to make him feel embarrassed, awkward, and emasculated—even more so than what he may be feeling without you saying a word.

                  So, instead of pointing it out and taking it to heart, shift gears, try something else and resurrect the moment.

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                  Whether it is teasing his erogenous zones, letting him watch you do some self-pleasing, or sensuously nibbling and kissing on his neck and ears, try to take his mind off what happens so he can naturally grow aroused again.

                  If premature ejaculation is an issue, suggest that he use desensitizing spray to help him better control his climax.

                  11. Compliment your partner outside and inside the bedroom.

                  How to compliment a man

                    Men can be self-conscious both outside and inside the bedroom, but many women do not take this into consideration when it comes to sex or how it can affect sex with a partner.

                    A confident man is going to perform better sexually, and you have the power to make him feel that way.

                    1. Try letting him know how sexy he is when he slips off his tie and loosens his top buttons.
                    2. Whisper compliments about his body (or body parts) while out together in public.
                    3. Tell him how incredibly tasty he looks when he is aroused and waiting for you in bed.

                    These little compliments can really give his confidence levels a boost when it gets down to the good stuff.

                    12. Try using sex to get aroused instead of always waiting for arousal for sex.

                      If you constantly wait around for being aroused to have sex, it can mean you are missing a lot of good opportunities to have a sexually satisfying encounter with your partner.

                      Try initiating sex before you ever get aroused. You'll likely get turned on in the process.

                      Likewise, it can do your sex life a lot of good to apply this sex tip for women to your solo play efforts.

                      Try getting out your favorite sex toys and playing around before you're ever aroused.

                      You can learn a lot about how your body responds before arousal in the process.

                      13. Learn to appreciate the spur of the moment sexual encounter.

                        Creating a "sex schedule" can be beneficial if you rarely find the time to come together.

                        However, those sudden-sex moments can be really hot, and most men are thrilled with the idea on occasion.

                        Spontaneous, passionate, and spur of the moment sex is all about getting that physical need fulfilled.

                        Intimacy, cuddling, and affection are amazing and important, but sometimes, it's great to just have sex for the purpose of having sex.

                        No expectations, no plans, pure pleasure.

                        Spur-of-the-moment sex can be initiated by either party, so be bold and start creating the sexual spontaneity you desire.

                        You may have more fun than you imagine.

                        14. Ask him to pitch in more around the house.

                        How to ask him to do more around the house

                          I call this ‘choreplay.’ It can be hard to get in the mood if you’re always taking on the lion’s share of housework and childcare.

                          If your partner can step up more around the house, it will give you more time to practice self-care—such as hitting the gym, going to the salon, taking a warm bubble bath, and just being able to decompress and get in that sexy, sensual mood.

                          So let your partner know that choreplay might lead to more pleasure for him in the long run!

                          15. Take time to nurture that emotional connection.

                            Guys are not just sex-crazed animals who only want that physical connection; they also like to feel emotionally bonded to their partner.

                            After sex, take advantage of the moment (and the extra flowing oxytocin in both your bloodstreams) and touch, cuddle, caress, and bond.

                            Yes, men do often shy away from the softer sides of intimacy outside of sex, but they crave it even if they won't necessarily say so because it is outside of social norms.

                            If you have a guy that typically jumps straight from the bed and into the shower after sex, try joining him, gently washing him off, and caressing him.

                            You may find he enjoys this sweet, after-sex bonding time more than you anticipated.

                              Dr. Laura Berman

                              Dr. Laura Berman

                              Dr. Laura Berman PhD is an acclaimed relationship expert, award-winning radio host on her show 'Uncovered Radio' and a NY Times best-selling author. Dr. Berman has a doctorate from New York University with an emphasis on human sexuality. She is also a member of AASECT, SSSS, the International Society for the study of Women's Sexual Health and the American Urologic Society.

                              Sources:

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                              • John Ortved. 2012 February 15. Ask a Guy: My Boyfriend Wants Me to Be Vocal During Sex and I Don't Know How. Glamour. https://www.glamour.com/story/ask-a-guy-my-boyfriend-wants-m. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
                              • Christian Gollayan. 2019 January 23. One in 10 women ‘never feel confident’ during sex: survey. New York Post. https://nypost.com/2019/01/23/one-in-ten-women-never-feel-confident-during-sex-survey/. Accessed 27 Jan 2022.
                              The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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