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20 Sex Tips For Men to Be Better in Bed

by Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institu...

Social Psychologist, researcher at The Kinsey Institute

Sex tips for men

“How can I improve my sex life?” 

For too many men, the answer to this question seems obvious: have more sex!

We have a tendency to get hung up how much sex we’re having as the primary benchmark for a healthy sex life. However, when we make quantity our focus instead of quality, we’re not likely to wind up any happier in the end.

Research bears this out: couples who force themselves to increase the amount of sex they’re having just for the sake of doing it more often aren’t any more satisfied than couples who keep the same sexual frequency.

In fact, despite having more sex, the people who tried to do it more were actually less happy.

The key to a better sex life is to instead focus on quality, not quantity.

And, in fact, by emphasizing quality and making sure that everyone involved loves the sex they’re having, you just might end up increasing quantity at the same time.

When we have truly mind-blowing sex, that tends to increase desire for more. When sex is mediocre, not so much.

So what can you do to increase the quality of your sex life?

We've put together a list of 20 best sex tips for men of any age. 

20. Shape up

Obese men have more sexual health issues

This might seem like an obvious sex tip, but too often men overlook their own physical health.

If you’re not taking great care of your body, your sex life might suffer.

For example, being overweight or obese is linked to erectile difficulties—but these can potentially be reversed through exercise and diet changes.

In fact, in a study where obese men aimed to lose 10% of their body weight, one-third of them cured their ED simply through these lifestyle changes alone!

Getting in shape can increase blood flow to your penis, leading to more consistent and harder erections.

Not only that, but it might make it easier to last longer in bed. Plus, losing weight is actually the fastest and most reliable way to increase penis length. Being overweight can lead part of the penis to be buried underneath fat pads.

Getting in shape can actually be one of the best sex tips you can do for your intimate life, so think about changing up your diet and hitting the gym regularly if you’re looking for a bedroom boost.

Your heart and your junk will thank you.

19. Listen to your partner

Communicate with your partner about sex

Yes, I know you hear your partner, but are you actually listening to them?

Conversations are a two-way street, and you have to do more than just wait for your turn—you need to really understand what the other person is saying.

Listen to what your partner is telling you, internalize it, and let them know that you understand. This is what we call active listening.

Research finds that active listening tends to increase relationship satisfaction, and that can help lay the groundwork for a happier and healthier sex life.

18. Learn to love oral sex

A lot of people define sex narrowly—thinking that only penetrative intercourse “counts.” However, this kind of thinking is very limiting in a lot of ways.

By expanding our definition of sex, we increase our opportunities for pleasure. For example, maybe your partner isn’t in the mood for intercourse, but would be down for oral.

Also, the more we mix it up during sex and try different activities, the greater the odds of orgasm for everyone involved. This is partly due to the fact that different people find it easier to orgasm with different activities.

So mix it up, try different activities, and expand your definition of “sex.”

17. Do your share of the emotional and household labor

Learn to compromise and work together

In most relationships, there will come a time when the majority of the work falls on one person. It can be during an illness, a mental health issue, or other critical event (like a pandemic). It’s normal for there to be a bit of ebb and flow over time.

What's not okay is if the burden consistently and disproportionately falls on one person.

If your partner is constantly shouldering the bulk of the domestic workload, this is likely to increase stress and conflict in the relationship—and that’s likely going to put a major damper on their desire for sex.

Make sure you’re doing your share and find ways to help relieve your partner’s stress.

16. Don't be afraid to schedule your sex

Modern life is busy. Very busy.

And that means that finding the time for sex—and a time when both partners are in the mood—can be challenging.

The world expects us to be hyper connected all the time, and that means our jobs can hound us at every turn. And when we add in kids, pets, household chores, and paying the bills, there’s not a lot of time left for spontaneous fun. We’re tired. Exhausted. Stressed.

As unsexy as it sounds initially, planning a sex night can turn into something you and your partner anticipate with glee.

In addition to building up anticipation and excitement, scheduled sex also creates an opportunity to get into the right mindset beforehand—it encourages you to disconnect, relax, and focus on fun and pleasure.

Not only that, but couples who have sex on a schedule often find that they end up having more sex spontaneously, too, because they feel more connected.  

15. Flirting at a distance

A lot of people think that sexting is something you only do with someone you’re dating or hooking-up with. However, it’s time to change that view.

 Send your partner a sexy pic, share a fantasy, or send a few words about what you want to do with them. 

Sexting can be lite and funny or sexually explicit but surely can create a playful spirit between both of you.

Just be sure to know that the timing is right and that your partner is not in an environment where your texts can potentially be seen by someone unintended. 

We've created a list of the most know sexting tips everyone should follow.

Sexting with your partner

Don’t just flirt virtually, though—flirt with your eyes, your lips, and your hands. Kiss, caress, touch when you’re together. Intimate contact like this goes a long way toward maintaining a powerful sexual connection that stands the test of time.

14. Last longer with a little alone time first

Some guys come quickly—sometimes within seconds of starting sex. One handy self-help tip for assisting with this is think about masturbating before sex.

By getting off beforehand, you'll likely last longer due to the refractory period and desensitization of the penis. If you experience premature ejaculation (PE), you may find this to be a useful strategy.

Masturbating before having sex

Also, for guys who don’t have issues with PE, some still find it helpful to masturbate beforehand without having an orgasm—basically, they edge for a while, which can lead the orgasm they have during sex to be more powerful and pleasurable.

13. Experiment with different rhythms

A lot of guys only have one gear when it comes to sex: hard and fast. However, not every partner enjoys that—and even if they do, they may not want it all of the time.

Changing things up in bed can be fun.

For example, some people enjoy varying between penetrative and oral sex, or adding other activities to the mix. And many enjoy experimenting with a different rhythm, speed, thrusting depth, or position.

Try different things out and see what both you and your partner both enjoy.

12. Bring enough supplies

You should always have plenty of lube around for any kind of penetrative sex. It’s essential for anal sex, and many find that it enhances vaginal sex for all partners.

Plus, there are lots of different kinds of lubes out there that can create different sensations and add an element of novelty.

Of course, have condoms, too, and make sure they’re handy. Fumbling around for one in the dark probably isn’t going to be a sexy look.

Make sure your condoms aren’t past their expiration date and that they’re stored in a cool, dry place in order to ensure maximum effectiveness.

And if you don’t have a lot of experience with condoms, practice using them during masturbation so that you can look like a pro when you put it on during sex.

11. Get some massage oil

Give your partner a massage

For many people, sex needs to be immersive and relaxed experience in order to be truly pleasurable, and massages can go a long way toward facilitating that mindset.

You can focus on the back, feet, hands, or the full body—whatever you and your partner enjoy.

Massage is also a great way to boost intimacy in a relationship. In fact, research finds that the most sexually satisfied couples give each other massages and back rubs. Why? This kind of touch promotes connection and relaxation.

10. Change up the venue

Most people only have sex in one place—their own bed. But this can lead sex to become pretty routine pretty quickly.

Mix it up, and try having sex in different locations for a dose of novelty and excitement.

Try changing your location where you have sex

The kitchen counter, the living room sofa, the shower—whatever strikes your fancy. Get creative and let the moment take you.

If you're wondering how to spice up your sex life, take a cue from the research and take it out of the bedroom sometimes. The most sexually satisfied couples aren’t just doing it in one place.

9. Don't forget the toys

Toy play can be fun and versatile

Sex toys have come a really long way in the last 20 years, with many today incorporating technology and offering new ways to experience pleasure.

During this time, the use of sex toys among men during sex has risen dramatically. For example, nearly half of men in the US now say they’ve used a vibrator before during either solo or partnered play. So don't be shy about bringing a vibrator or other toy to bed with you—you definitely won’t be the first!

Sex toys are an easy way to add some novelty to sex, but also to experiment with and explore different sensations. Some toys are even designed specifically for couples so that you can enjoy them together.

Also, if you're a man experiencing ED or premature ejaculation , a toy can be an easy way to make sure your partner gets their needs fulfilled and can help cut down on performance anxiety.

8. Stop hating, start masturbating

Regular masturbation can play a vital role in men’s mental and physical health.

Research has found that that frequent ejaculation is linked to lower prostate cancer risk, among other health benefits. Also, men who masturbate frequently often find that they have better control of their orgasms.

In particular, men who practice "edging", or approaching an orgasm without actually ejaculating, report less premature ejaculation and tend to last longer in bed.

7. Give Kegels a try

While Kegel exercisesare often suggested to post-partum women to retrain their pelvic floor muscles, research finds that men can benefit from them, too.

The muscles you use to stop peeing mid-stream are the muscles you want to target. The more you work these muscles by contracting and relaxing them, the longer—and stronger—your orgasms tend to be.

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Additionally, these exercises can potentially help you to better control the timing of your orgasm, keeping you from going over the edge and helping you last longer in bed.

Aim for squeezing that muscle region for a count of 5 seconds, 10 times in a row, a few times per day.

6. Communicate in the bedroom

Learn to communicate clearly with your partner about your desires

Some people have more “vanilla” sexual interests, while others are more kinky. No matter what people’s interests are, though, many of us are hesitant when it comes to talking about our sexual preferences and turn-ons because we’re worried about being judged.

This is why it’s important to normalize conversations about sex and create a safe environment where both you and your partner feel comfortable expressing your fantasies and desires. Be open to hearing what your partner wants out of sex without shaming them because, after all, don’t you want them to extend the same courtesy to you?

Sexual communication can help to build up trust and intimacy—and it can also help to boost passion and sexual satisfaction because it increases the odds of everyone getting what they want.

5. Take the time to explore your partner's body

The goal of sex isn’t to come as quickly as possible. And, in fact, when orgasm becomes the only goal, it can make sex less satisfying by amping up performance pressure. Sex then becomes about a goal or achievement rather than an experience to be fully enjoyed.

Treat sex like an adventure. Explore, experiment, and take your time. Find the parts of each other’s bodies that are electric.

For some people, it's their feet or legs, their inner thighs, or their neck. Others react strongly to nipple stimulation or having their ears nibbled.

There’s more to sex than what's between your legs. Think about making it a full-body experience.

4. Don't fall into the regret trap

A lot of us have sexual regrets. Some people regret their one-night-stands or the less-than-stellar hookups they had. Also, many men regret not having more sex when single and younger, or the opportunities they didn’t pursue.

However, obsessing over your regrets is usually counterproductive. You can’t change the past. But you can learn from it—and you can change the future.

Learn what you can from your sexual history, but don’t obsess over the regrets. Focus instead on how you can make the sex you’re having now the best sex you’ve ever had.

3. Find porn that teaches you something

Watching explicit films together can give you new exciting ideas

Porn is something that most men (and women) use—and many use it often. There’s nothing inherently wrong or shameful about that, either.

But don’t just look at porn as an opportunity to get off quickly. Porn can be a potentially helpful way to explore your sexual self—to find out what it is that you like and don’t like.

Porn is also a common way that people vicariously live out their sexual fantasies. It’s also a tool that many couples use to add a dose of sexual novelty, or to think about what it might be like to try something new. It’s likely for this reason that couples who use porn together tend to be more sexually satisfied.

Yes, porn is a potent way to enhance arousal—but it’s also an opportunity to learn more about yourself, to learn about sexual diversity, and to bring something new into the bedroom.

2. Don't be the silent type in bed

Moaning shows your enjoyment

A lot of people don’t make any noise in bed because they’re worried about how they sound or because they’re worried about being judged. However, working past that insecurity can potentially boost your sex life.

Research finds that noisy sex tends to be better sex. Noise is a powerful form of sexual communication. It helps to clue your partner in to what you do—and don’t—like. This increases the odds of you getting more of what you want out of sex in the future. And paying attention to your partner’s noises can help you learn how to drive them wild.

Also, noise—panting, moaning, and groaning—is a form of sexual appreciation and encouragement. So don’t be afraid to make a little noise!

1. Don't skip the aftercare

Good sex isn’t just about what you do during the act itself—it’s also about what comes afterward.

Right after sex, we have high levels of oxytocin in our bodies, which is a hormone that promotes feelings of bondedness.

This provides an opportunity to connect and to develop a deeper intimacy, which makes it an ideal opportunity for investing in our relationships.

Couples who spoon, cuddle, or talk after sex tend to be more satisfied with both their sex lives and relationships. What this means is that sexual “aftercare” has the potential to give your sex and love life a boost.

Takeaways

A lot of this advice can be boiled down to the following: communicate more, mix it up, and consider the needs of your partner.

If you go into sex with this as your mindset, you’ll likely find yourself having better, more passionate,and more frequent sex.

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Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He is author of the blog Sex and Psychology and the popular book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. He is also a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works, including a textbook titled The Psychology of Human Sexuality that is used in college classrooms around the world. Dr. Lehmiller is one of the media's go-to experts on sex and has been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, and CNN; he has also appeared on dozens of radio, podcast, and television programs.


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