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The Truth About Becoming An Alpha Male

by The Promescent Team 11 min read

The Promescent Team
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Do you ever see guys for whom everything just seems to fall into place?

They have the most attractive, successful partners, they're in great shape, and their professional life is always firing on all cylinders.

It might be tempting to assume they've found a wish-granting genie, but societally we look at guys like that as alpha males.

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Now you might have a lingering view of the "alpha male" from high school or college - guys that are brutish, loud, and confrontational.

While guys like that think they're the embodiment of "alpha status", they're just obnoxious. Truly being an alpha male has less to do with how other people perceive and interact with you, and more about how you govern your life.

Once you realize that being alpha is about taking control of your destiny, you can accomplish anything. Let's look at the traits and habits of highly successful alpha males, and how you can make the switch that changes your life forever.

The most common traits of an alpha male are bravery, confidence, decisiveness, and leadership

Alpha males are strong independent confident men, but not cocky about it. They know what they want and are not afraid to pursue it

The term alpha male originates from the book 'The Wolf: Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species' by L. David Mech published in 1970

Theoretically, yes. However, it may require a lot of work on your part to break non alpha male habits and learn to adopt pro alpha male habits and traits

What is an Alpha Male?

The common ideas of "alpha" and "beta" males are based on the perception that alphas are dominant within a social hierarchy.


Perhaps this is true in animals, but even the author of the famous wolf study that coined the phrase "alpha" has since changed his belief on the subject.

Men who falsely project the confrontational alpha image are usually bullies who cannot compromise.

The first point to understand is that it has nothing to do with confrontation or conflict; alpha status comes from a mastery of your own life.

For instance, a beta male goes where the wind takes him.

He goes to work at a job he doesn't find fulfilling because it pays the rent and keeps food on the table. He marries a woman that he loves dutifully but doesn't have passion for, and diligently pays attention to his 401k, thinking of the day he can retire when he's old and life has passed him by.

What it means to be an alpha male
  • An alpha male looks at each day as an opportunity to better himself, his position in life, and the lives of those around him.
  • He's always looking for the next way to get ahead - finding side hustles that can turn into long-term entrepreneurship, or finding a career that fulfills him.
  • The alpha male takes care of himself and plans for tomorrow while making today the best it can be.

In short, an alpha male takes charge of his life instead of running away from it through leisure and vice.

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The Most Common Alpha Male Traits

Generally speaking, alpha males have traits that they all share, regardless of their culture or history. These traits help them make the most of life, constantly striving to challenge and improve themselves.

Common traits of alpha males

Alpha males are:

  • Brave, despite understanding the risks they undertake. This is different than the brash, foolhardy "alpha males" you knew in college who overdrank and made incredibly poor choices. A real alpha looks at the potential downsides of his risks or the negative aspects of his life and accepts them with an understanding that staying still is worse than trying and failing.
  • Confident, even when he doesn't feel in control. The main hallmark of an alpha male is approaching every subject and scenario with confidence, and sometimes that means leaving a situation to the content experts. This is in contrast to the stereotypical alpha, who would attempt to govern any scenario, even when they have no idea what they're doing.
  • Decisive. One of the primary traits of a beta male is wavering on decisions. If you cannot commit to a choice with your full confidence, then is it the correct choice?
  • Leaders. An alpha male will strive toward his own goal, while still making sure the people around him are cared for and protected.

Becoming alpha means major life change for most guys - after all, our brains are conditioned to seek comfort and the well-tread road.

If you want to stop being beta and become alpha, however, you have to learn to seek discomfort, because that means growth.

When you compare alpha male vs beta male tendencies, betas seek comfort.

Since men aren't born alpha, it's up to you to make the choices and changes necessary to embrace the alpha male attitude and improve your life.

This quick list will give you the information and inspiration necessary to enact real, lasting change in your attitude and action.


21 Things You Can Do to Become an Alpha Male

1. Stop being scared

Alpha males are confident and not afraid

This isn't to say you shouldn't feel fear - that's virtually impossible. An alpha male feels fear and then intentionally goes through with his planned course of action.

Understanding the risks and being confident enough to deal with the potential downsides of a choice is the defining trait of an alpha male.

2. Avoid pointless fighting

Whether you're at the cusp of an argument with your partner, or you are out at the bar and someone slams into you, a man with alpha male traits understands that fighting isn't useful.

Always seek to understand that reason someone else is angry or displeased with you.

This doesn't mean you have to bow down to their demands, but introspection can be difficult and yet it's incredibly important across all parts of your life. Practice it often.

3. Take care of yourself

There's nothing sexy about salads, sleep hygiene, or flossing, but we do them because they keep us healthy.

Taking care of yourself means more than just doing Crossfit a few times a week as well - it means making sure you manage your stress and your mental health as well.

Alpha males remain calm and keep their anger in check

A man that controls everything but his temper is still at the mercy of his hormones and emotions, and can never truly be alpha.

4. Never assume you're great at sex

Many men get by in life with a few moves, below-average stamina, and the less-than-truthful praise of a few sexual partners.

Alpha male over confident about sexual abilities

Sex is a team sport, however, and if your teammate isn't fulfilled, they'll find another partner.

Worse yet, if you're worried that you're not as sexually gifted as you'd like, this will impact your performance.

Getting some help with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, and learning a few new moves are all key ways to improve your sexual prowess, which in turn will boost your confidence.

5. Don't seek out numbness

Lots of people get home from work and when they should be pursuing their interests - creating, building a business, chiseling rock-hard abs from flab - they're content to crack open some beers and veg out watching television.

No matter what your poison is - porn, video games, booze, weed - it's probably shortening your life and it's shortening your attention span.

Alpha male over indulging in junk food and beer

Alpha male characteristics drive us towards discomfort and growth, even when we just want to zone out.

Besides, sinking into your couch with a cold beer feels a lot better when it's earned from pursuing our own self-betterment.


6. Find happiness in purpose

If you don't have a goal in life, then what are you doing?

If you only go to work to make money that you then spend on vices and leisure, what are you building toward?

Are you content to be a robot at your job for the "privilege" of spending your freedom pursuing disconnection?

Find a purpose and pursue it rapidly, passionately, until you can make it your career.

7. Volunteer (your time over your money)

An alpha male seeks to better his society, starting with his community.

Find your local breadline or homeless shelter, and find out how you can help.

And while donating money is a great and noble thing, it's so much better to donate your time. Since time is a finite resource, it builds character to get out and use it to help other people.

Alpha males volunteering time to better their community

Coach, work on a community garden, teach guitar lessons to underprivileged kids in your community, go grocery shopping for your elderly neighbors.

Whatever it is that can help others around you, do it enthusiastically.

8. Stop waiting on someone else to save you

Nobody got to where they are in life relying solely on themselves - all truly successful people had some form of help.

This is, however, different than waiting for someone else to give you success. If you're constantly waiting with your hand out for someone to give you money, you'll always be beta.

This is still true of waiting patiently to "get rewarded" with a raise or promotion at your job.

If you truly want to improve your career, seek out that improvement - never wait for someone to permit you to better your own life.

9. Don't rely on other people for happiness

If your happiness comes from your partner being in a good mood or your kids liking you, you're going to do mostly awful things, including not disciplining your kids and not standing up to your significant other.

Nobody likes a pushover, so stop sacrificing your happiness as an expense to please other people in the short term.

Alpha males are happy with themselves and don't seek permission from others

You should find happiness in the things you love and your life goals. Don't seek permission to be happy from other people.

10. Be prepared for a fight (but don't seek them out)

If you don't have the confidence that you could reasonably defend yourself in a fight, you're going to have trouble standing up to confrontation.

It's less about being able to street fight like Jackie Chan and more that you could and wouldstand your ground if someone came after you.

Knowing that you could stare down someone who is trying to intimidate you builds enormous confidence.

11. Pursue your dreams without embarrassment

Want to write the next "Hamilton" but you're afraid that your friends will make fun of you for it?

Get new friends.

It's better to pursue what makes you happy despite what other people say than to live within the narrow channel of their approval.

So sure, we're not saying you get a "dance like nobody is watching" tattoo on your ankle.

Rather, whether or not someone is watching you shouldn't matter at all if you're pursuing what you love.

12. Don't be afraid to rest

By now, all of these changes might sound exhausting and truthfully if you're used to beer, Netflix binges, and the status quo, these changes will be exhausting.

That's okay, though, because as important as it is to drive yourself hard, it's equally important to relax and regenerate.

Alpha male indulging in personal wellness message

Get a massage (or a massager), make sure your sleep hygiene is on-point, and know when to say "no" to adding more to your plate.

13. Treat yourself (well)

A self-care routine for men doesn't have to be shaving with a straight-razor in a mountain stream while a bear roars in the background.

It's okay to use skincare, sexual health, and hair care products.

Alpha male in bath maintaining personal hygiene

Confidence comes from self-mastery, and self-mastery includes self-care rituals.

Get rid of the hetero-normative gender biases you have been indoctrinated into and realize that taking care of yourself in small ways is good.

14. Don't break promises

One of the main things people remember about you is whether or not you keep your promises, and this is especially true about your children.

Nothing feels worse than being stood up or let down by someone you love and trust, so only make promises you can 100% keep.

Do everything in your power to be a man of your word, and everyone you meet will remember that about you.

15. Define your values and stick to them

If you ever wanted an example of a principled, steadfast man, pick up a copy of the Meditation of Marcus Aurelius.

The man had some extremely well-defined rules for living a good life, and he wrote them down not so that you could emulate them, but for his benefit.

We're not saying you should write a timeless book on what you believe, but start by defining your values for yourself.

Establish your views, what's truly important to you, and then create a scaffolding with them on which you build your choices.

16. Learn to use your voice

Especially with social media, it seems like everyone feels their opinion must be heard, even if it's backward.

While it's easy to argue online, standing up for what's right in-person is an entirely different situation.

Alpha male stnding up for self and others

Cultivate the power to say something in unpleasant situations, no matter where they occur. Stand up for yourself and those around you and see how much your perception of yourself changes.

17. Lean into the discomfort

Alpha male not afraid of a challenge

Whether you're building your perfect body, creating a business, or dissatisfied with your relationship, an alpha male understands that growth comes from discomfort.

It's not enough to realize this; you have to learn to desire the discomfort that comes along with improving yourself.

Our brains are hardwired to desire calories, sexual partners, and leisure and to get them as easily as possible.

Muscle growth, education, and success all grow from the soil of pain, so learn to love the pain of growth; better that than the pain of regret.

18. Be assertive

Nothing good was ever gained by going with the status quo.

If you're afraid of rocking the boat with your boss, your partner, or the target audience for your business, you're only alienating yourself.

Since you only have one life, living it by other people's standards is a pretty bad way to exist.

Be assertive about what you want, even if it means upsetting someone else, but at the same time, don't mistake this as a license to be boorish or rude.

Basically if improving yourself bothers your partner or friends, then they're not rooting for you anyway.

19. Don't be a nice guy

Alpha males are kind and helpful to other people because they truly care about them.

Betas or "nice guys" only appear nice to get something in return, or because they fear other people being mean to them.

20. Be self-reliant

Alpha male confident in his independence

Find inward strength to move forward, even when things are difficult.

Understand that even if everything falls apart, you can rely on your intellect and will to change your life for the better.

Don't check to see if you're on the right path by looking to other people; figure it out yourself.

21. Stop asking yourself "how to be an alpha male"

When you started reading this article, you likely had a preconceived notion of what being "alpha" means, and it was probably based on external cues rather than inborn confidence.

Understand that being alpha means controlling your destiny and forging your path.

Key takeaways

Being alpha has nothing to do with how other people view you, and everything to do with how you view yourself.

If you aren't confident, pursuing your own goals, and looking inward for guidance, you'll never have alpha characteristics.

Beta males go with the flow and follow the crowd because it's easier. They cloud their minds with vice and are afraid to rock the boat.

Alpha male controlling his life with confidence

An alpha male strives for growth, even though it's painful.

They seek to better the lives of those around them for the sake of it, not to get something in return. Being alpha means taking control of your life and living it to the fullest.

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The Promescent Team
The Promescent Team

Our team has over a decade of experience in the sexual wellness field and are experts in sexual dysfunctions, like premature ejaculation. We help couples and individuals better understand treatment options available for different types of sexual needs and educate the public on all things related to intimacy. All of our authored content is medically reviewed for accuracy and reliability.