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What Attracts Women? The Myths, the Hard Truths, and the Facts

Dr. Laura Berman
Human sexuality and relationship expert

by Dr. Laura Berman 13 min read

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What makes a man attractive in the eyes of a woman? It's the age-old question that has plagued mankind perhaps since the dawn of time.

Maybe you've been the guy at the bar recycling cheesy one-liners in hopes one will work.

Possibly you've been the man who can't seem to get a female to look in his direction in spite of good cologne, wit, and charm.

Perhaps you are the last of your buddies to find a mate and that's really starting to hit home.

Whatever your reasoning, learning what attracts women requires getting up-close and personal with who you are as a man. You have to get rid of the myths and make way for some real truth on the matter.

Hint: Once you've attracted your potential mate let Promescent help you be better in bed by using our Delay Spray.

There can be many reasons why women test men, but the most common are to see if the man is selfless, invested, and attentive to her needs.

Of course every woman is different, but some common attractive traits are confidence, self respect, sense of humor, and honesty

The two most common myths about attracting women are that you have to have money or that you have to be in great shape. While it is true that these two things can certainly help, it is no guarantee that just because you have a great body and a nice bank account that you will have any more luck than a guy with a great personality and good sense of humor.

While there are several things listed in this article that can help make you more attractive to women. One of the most important is having the confidence of being a great lover. Fortunately, Promescent makes something that can help. Try our delay spray!

Myths About How to Attract Women

Whether it's general locker-room chit-chat or just somehow ingrained in men through social media, there are a few noteworthy myths about how to attract women that couldn't be further from the truth.

Two most commons myths associated with attracting women

You could spend all day covering the topic, but the two most prevalent happen to be:

  • It takes having a lot of money to attract a woman.
  • It takes a certain physical trait to attract a woman.

  • The problem with both of these prevailing mistruths is both are usually things beyond the realm of your control.


    You can work as hard as you want and may never have a lot of money, and even in the modern world where plastic surgery is an option, certain physical attributes simply can't be changed.

    You're probably not going to win the lotto anytime soon. And, it's doubtful you can achieve that Greek-god-like shape and grow several inches taller.

    Kick both of these myths to the curb and get to what really attracts women.

    How to Be More Attractive to Women: 20 Ways That Actually Work

    1. Be confident

    Do the research, read the women's magazines, and look at the studies. One thing that almost always comes up at the top of the list of what attracts women is confidence.

    Confident man attracting women on the phone

    Pure and simple, women are more drawn to a man who is confident in who he is, what he has to offer, and what he can achieve.

    In one small study, two groups of men were given either a scented spray to wear or an unscented spray. The guys wearing the scented spray reported feeling more confident.

    Most importantly, women who were shown pictures of guys from both groups found the men wearing the scented spray more attractive even though they obviously couldn't smell a thing.

    Why?

    Because a confident man has this obvious air of capability about him.

    2. Just be kind

    Kind man attracting women by being kind to animals

    In psychology, a theory known as the halo effect describes the human tendency to assume one aspect of a person's personality as a proxy for who they are as a whole being.

    Being perceived as kind can easily have an effect on every other characteristic about who you are.

    For example, a kind man can be assumed to be:

    • A hard worker
    • A mindful lover
    • A giving person

    Even more interesting, some studies suggest that being perceived as kind can also mean you are perceived as more attractive.

    3. Make her laugh

    A good sense of humor is thought to be attractive from both sides of the fence, but your sense of humor is far more important than hers.

    Woman attracted to man because he makes her laugh

    Several psychological studies have shown that women find a man that can make them laugh more attractive. While both sexes want to be perceived as humorous, women value the production of humor more than men.

    4. Show her that you can be selfless

    There's always something to be said for the attractiveness of a selfless man. A selfless man puts the needs of others, including the woman he's with, before his own.

    The selfless man:

    • Offers to help
    • Doesn't complain about his inconvenienced self
    • Respects the needs/wants of others

    In the eyes of a female, seeing your selflessness with others shows her that you would be willing to make sacrifices to make her happy as well.


    5. Be an active listener and an apt communicator

    Woman attracted to man that is actively listening to her

    Women often speak more than men. They use more words and communicate in deeper, more heartfelt ways, oftentimes using more words to verbalize.

    As a man armed with this knowledge, you should automatically know two things:

    1. Women are more attracted to men who know how to actively listen.
    2. Women expect a man who can communicate effectively with them during a conversation.

    You may not talk as much as her, but what you say needs to matter. Work substance into your words, think before you speak, and be attentive to what she says so you can reply in a valuable way.

    6. Practice being a non-needy man

    Needy—it is such a simple term and we all think we know very well what it means, but do you know that neediness in a man is an all-out turn-off for most women?

    The needy man doesn't know how to accept defeat, isn't willing to accept any level of criticism or rejection, and needs a woman to validate him.

    A needy man is so much this way that he will be dishonest, put on a mask, and practically dance a jig in front of a woman in order to get her [positive] attention.

    Sadly, what you get can be anything but positive or good. Even if it works like a charm in the beginning, the woman will likely drop you at the first sign of your true colors.

    7. Be (reasonably) honest about your flaws

    Yes, confidence is key, but when learning how to be more attractive to women, you also have to be honest about your flaws.

    Women are attracted to men that are honest about their flaws

    No man is perfect, and no woman expects a man to be.

    Hiding your flaws by being dishonest means you are not open to accepting criticism, which can be perceived as neediness.

    Of course, you don't just want to blurt out everything you see as bad about yourself when you first meet, but when the opportunity presents itself, be open and honest.

    Being comfortable with exposing your flaws is attractive to a woman because it conveys the message that you are not looking for some false approval.

    In some ironic way, honesty about your flaws is a form of confidence in yourself; you may be flawed, but that's OK and you have a lot to offer anyway.

    8. Know your goals and have sincere values

    If you're the guy still on the fence about who you are and where you want to be in life, it may not be time to ask yourself, "How do I attract women?"

    The real fact is this: women are attracted to a man with goals and values.

    It's better to know your goals and have real, authentic values in life before getting serious about attracting a mate.

    From a female's perspective, no goals equals no drive or direction. No values equals a lack of self-control or discipline. None of this is attractive in a long-term mate.

    Ladies like a man who knows exactly who he is, where he wants to be in life, and what he holds as important.

    Trying to create a relationship with a man who knows none of this can be tumultuous and questionable because she's along for the ride while you're trying to figure it all out.

    Whether it is instinctive or conscious thought, most women shy away from these men.

    9. Avoid being a stereotypical male creature of habit

    Guys tend to be pegged as creatures of habit more so than their female counterparts. The problem here is a creature of habit can also be perceived as boring.

    Your goals should be to nip that perception.

    Show that you can be spontaneous and have some level of an adventurous spirit.

    You don't necessarily have to be a thrill-seeker or adrenaline junkie, but you do need to show her that you're capable of a little spontaneity and excitement.

    Couple keeping their relationship fresh by going for a hike

    Exude this part of who you are even in little ways, such as:

    • Being open to trying a new food or type of food
    • Not turning down the opportunity to try something new
    • Offering to go somewhere you've never been

    10. Invest in yourself

    In your effort to learn how to be an attractive man, you have to learn how to invest in yourself.

    It can be a tough journey, especially if you are always the type to externalize your needs.

    In other words, if you are always looking for your personal wants/needs/desires to be met by others, you haven't invested in yourself.

    As a man, you come hardwired genetically to be fine on your own.

    Unfortunately, a lot of guys spend so much time looking to find that person to complete them that they have no idea how much they can accomplish on their own.

    Women don't fall in love with the man, but who they can be with that man. If you're not invested in yourself, a woman can sense it.

    She knows her role with that man will always be to make up for his shortcomings within himself.

    That's not a role most emotionally stable females want to fill because her needs can be overtaken pretty quickly by yours.

    11. Be a man of status by defining your purpose

    Women are attracted to men of some form of societal status.

    This is fact, and it offers the illusion that you can't attract a woman if you don't have the big job, fancy car, or a lot of money.

    But that's far from actuality.

    It is not so much the status women care about—it's the perception the man has about his status himself.

    If you are the confident man who works really hard at his nine-to-five and knows what he brings to the table, you have status in the eyes of a female.

    Women attracted to man with drive and purpose

    The guy moping in the corner, beat down by life, and unsure of his purpose in existence doesn't seem to have a lot to offer.

    12. Send out some positive vibes

    Be a positive man to attract women

    Women are not attracted to guys that could easily be described as Negative Nellies.

    These are the ever-pessimistic dudes who always see the glass half-empty and can't see the silver lining for the cloud.

    If you are this man by nature, do yourself a huge favor and try sending out some positive vibes instead.

    Constant complainers can be taken as whiney and no fun. No woman wants that in a potential mate.

    13. Avoid placing emphasis on the outcome

    Of course, when you see a woman you're interested in, you want the outcome to be good.

    However, showing any sense of desperation puts too much pressure on her and sets you up for failure.

    Women are more attracted to a man who is not trying to push himself into her life or force some kind of preconceived notion of what should happen.

    No, you shouldn't be the too-cool guy who plays hard to get, doesn't seem to care what happens, or comes off as aloof.

    But you should be willing to move slow, respect her, and take time to foster a good connection before placing expectations on what will happen between you, whether that's sex or otherwise.

    14. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable

    Vulnerable man sharing a moment with woman

    Vulnerability is tough for a lot of men, but this ability to morph into an actual human who does need someone can be incredibly attractive to a female prospect.

    Guys tend to take pride in being the macho man who needs nothing from anyone, so it can be hard to lower that facade and let her see you as anything else. But being vulnerable on some level shows her that you trust her on a deeper level.

    There's no room for true vulnerability in the beginning, like on a first date—this can be too much. You will feel when it's time to show her your more sensitive side, and she will respond in a positive way.

    15. Mind your manners

    It's a golden rule of interacting with a woman, and many guys just don't take having manners seriously. What attracts women is not so much that you know how to say "please" and "thank you" (even though these things are important).

    True manners means:

    Being the chivalrous gentleman. You open her door and insist on walking closes to the street.

    Being the polite, non abrasive speaker. You choose tender tones and words; you're mindful of her feelings when you speak to her (and others).

    Being the conscious dinner date who follows the proper etiquette. You wait to start eating until she's ready, you pull out her chair, you ask to be excused if you leave the table.

    16. Take some pride in your self and your health

    Women's Health Magazine covered how women feel about meeting guys at the gym, and in that article, one woman stated that she liked meeting a guy at the gym because it meant he cared about his health.

    Man at the gym staying in shape to attract women

    Women intuitively seek out men who are healthy and take good care of themselves.

    Call it nature's way of bringing together healthy breeding pairs, but it is what it is.

    If you want to know what makes a man attractive, taking a hard look at your physique, how much you take care of your body, and how well you present yourself will do you a lot of good.

    17. Let her see that you can take the lead when needed

    It is a well-known fact that women are attracted to men who have good leadership qualities. Women look for a man that knows how to lead, not dominate—don't ever confuse the two.

    A man that is a good leader will:

    • Consider how his decisions affect others before making them
    • Be confident enough to make decisions when given the opportunity
    • Make a concerted effort to finish anything he starts
    • Be willing to sacrifice for the greater good of a situation or relationship

    18. Stay in-tune with the world, educate yourself, and be informed

    Ask any woman what makes a man attractive, and somewhere on her list of priorities will be a man that has something valuable to add to a conversation.

    When you first meet someone, it's not logical that you will immediately start discussing every personal attribute about yourself.

    So, what is it you talk about?

    You talk about what's happening in the world, your insights about certain topics, and other attributes of life.

    If you spend all your time wrapped up in football, drinking games, or just yourself, it's easy to end up out with a woman and have no idea what to talk about.

    It's never wise to dominate the conversation or come off as some know-it-all who has no room for anyone else's perspective.

    But, you should be able to connect with meaningful input to offer.

    19. Show her you can be a family-oriented man

    Family oriented men are attractive to women

    Not every woman you meet is looking to go all-in and start creating a family unit, and some may never want children at all.

    Nevertheless, a man who is capable of being family-oriented attracts most women. So this is something to keep in mind about how to attract women.

    You don't necessarily have to go cuddle some babies on your first date. Just be open to discussing family life, children in your life, or family dynamics.

    Likewise, show her you can treat her as a priority just as you would if she were your wife.

    20. Know when to be forward with a woman

    A perceptive man will attract women. Females appreciate a guy that knows how to perceive what she wants but be careful that you're not listening to your own ego when you make a move.

    Universal signals that all women send when they are attracted to men

    Get familiar with the proposed universal signals of flirtation, as stated by Psychology Today:

    • She smiles at you
    • She opens her eyes wide to gaze at you
    • She drops her eyelids, tilts her head, and looks away
    • She may even giggle, cover her face, or otherwise show some level of shyness

    If all the signs are there from her that she's being invitational, make a move.

    Sometime's women actually expect a man to be the more forward person. It can be what attracts women to men in the beginning.

    How Do I Attract Women: Understanding Sex Appeal

    Contrary to popular belief among a lot of men, showing sexuality openly is part of what makes a man attractive to women.

    You are a sexual being, and it is fine to portray that to a female when you're interested, but with limits.

    Exuding sexuality is more of an internal process; it just happens because you are attracted to a woman, and it is not always a conscious effort.

    For example, if you are straight-up telling a woman that she's hot because you are trying to provoke a reaction from her, you are making external proclamations of your sexuality. Most times, this won't get you far.

    It would be far better to naturally:

    Show that you find her hot because you desire to be physically close to her

    -or-

    Show that you find her hot by being captivated by her and her only

    These actions don't necessarily require a verbal response, which shows you're not being needy of a reaction; you are just being the sexual man you are. That's how to attract women.

    There's a major difference between being sexual and being perverted as well. Perversion is always needy.

    A guy who spits out some crude remark about a woman's body is looking to be rewarded by the satisfaction he gets by seeing her reaction or just by saying what he's thinking aloud.

    A guy that makes an uninvited attempt at grabbing a body part, is not just needy but practically desperate.

    If either example is something you've tried, take a time-out, and reexamine what it means to be a natural, not-needy sexual creature.

    Final Thoughts

    If you've made it all this way, you may be thinking, "Wow, this is a lot of work."

    Truth is, maybe so, but in fairness, the work you put into yourself to attract a woman should not be some tepid process all about the girl.

    It is more about you and being a better version of yourself, fulfilling your role as a man in the world. Attracting the ladies with your changes is the icing on the cake.

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    Dr. Laura Berman
    Dr. Laura Berman

    Dr. Laura Berman PhD is an acclaimed relationship expert, award-winning radio host on her show 'Uncovered Radio' and a NY Times best-selling author. Dr. Berman has a doctorate from New York University with an emphasis on human sexuality. She is also a member of AASECT, SSSS, the International Society for the study of Women's Sexual Health and the American Urologic Society.