How to Perform the Venus Butterfly Technique, Tips and Guidelines

Lexi Sylver
Erotica author and sexpert guiding you to shamelessly explore your sexuality
by Lexi Sylver Last updated 04/18/2024
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Venus Butterfly may sound like some kind of exotic winged insect, but in reality, it’s an oral sex technique that every man should know.

Why, you ask?

Sometimes referred to as the one-hour orgasm, this foreplay technique will have her thinking you’re a downtown superhero..

Foreplay is a bit like the pregame show that gets the crowd riled up and excited for what's to come. You can taste the anticipation in the air.

So, don’t expect your female partner to be all ready for the big game without taking time to build her excitement.

You would never expect to go to a basketball game in the big leagues and see them jump right into shooting hoops.

So, you should not expect your female partner to be all ready for the big game without a little excitement-inducing fun pre-game.

Hint: You can increase clitoral pleasure by using our Female Arousal Gel.

Boosting your foreplay game is all about educating yourself and honing your skills, especially when it comes to using the right oral sex technique on your female partner.

The Venus Butterfly method may just be the skill you need to push you from mediocre to What-a-Man in nothing flat.

Quick FAQs

This technique is performed on women during oral and is a classic favorite among partners looking to take their intimacy to new heights.

There are seven steps to the technique, and we suggest you read below for more in-depth information. However, the basics are; start slow, start tongue action, reveal the clitoris, pause, start again, find the g-spot, and allow her to finish.

Men can expect more confidence in their lovemaking because they will be able to satisfy their partner every time fully.

Yes, there are a plethora of oral techniques a man can try. You can also try adding toys or sexual enhancers like Promescent Delay Spray to the routine for longer-lasting pleasure.

Read on, gentlemen. With these oral sex skills under your belt, you’re sure to rock her world.

What is the Venus Butterfly Technique?

Not to be confused with a highly popular (and fun!) sex toy with the same name, the Venus Butterfly Technique is a sexual method that involves both cunnilingus (fancy name for oral sex for her) and simultaneous manual stimulation.

In other words, you are pleasing her both inside (G-spot) and out (clitoris) almost at the same time by combining the powers of your mouth and your fingers.

Two simultaneous techniques venus butterfly

Even though this move isn’t officially a part of famed tantric sex, the venus butterfly method does involve tantric techniques, namely “edging.”

It involves working to push your partner to orgasm and then backing off, slowing down, before proceeding to build the orgasm back up again.

Using the "edging" technique to please a female can make her orgasms last longer and feel more intense than usual.

Typically, the goal is to get as close to making her climax as possible, backing off and waiting 30 seconds or so, and then proceeding.

Getting the Positioning Right to Try the Venus Butterfly

The positioning while trying the Venus Butterfly technique is important for two reasons:

  1. You are going down for longer than usual, so you don't want your neck in a bind.
  2. You need open access to pretty much all parts of her genitalia, including her clit and G-spot.

Position is key to performing the venus butterfly

She should be reclined, face-up, legs spread comfortably.

But, it can be helpful if her bottom half is elevated, so you don't have to bend, so try propping her up with a few pillows beneath her.

Another position to try is with her at the edge of the bed with her legs draped across your shoulders with you on the floor.

Again, this puts you in the proper position and prevents having to bend your neck awkwardly.

Now that you’re in the right position to give her orgasmic pleasure, it’s time to put this new oral sex move into action.

How to Do the Venus Butterfly Technique

This is one oral sex move that’s not as complicated as it may sound or seem! Here are some general guidelines on how to master oral sex with the Venus Butterfly Technique.

1. Start Slow and Gentle to Ease Her in the Mood

Remember, it takes about 10 minutes for most women to reach peak arousal. At the bare minimum, shoot for 5 to 7. (No, don’t bring a timer!)

Feel it out, and read her body language and listen for her moans to get some cues as to how crazy you’re driving her with your teasing.Average arousal time for women

Work your way into oral stimulation by rubbing, caressing, and kissing her body except for her vulva. Use soft kisses and your tongue to gently tease her inner thighs.

Softly breathe on her labia as you move around her body, and focus your attention completely on her.

2. Time for the Tongue, but Don't Dive in Just Yet

You've built anticipation and heightened her arousal. She’s writhing around, ready for more. 

Start using your tongue on her, slowly and gently, using light flicks of the tongue around her labia, vulva, and clitoral hood, but avoid directly licking or kissing her clitoris for just a little longer.

3. Reveal the Prize— the Clitoris

Using your fingers, gently pull back her clitoral hood to expose her clitoris.

Since you’ve been driving her wild with your teasing and there’s increased blood flow between her legs, her clitoris will be slightly swollen and revealed as a small, fleshy pearl.

Using your tongues, slowly stimulate her clit with a combination of short flicks and long strokes.

If needed, you can also use your fingers to gently tease her clit or pull out a gentle vibrator to assist you with her pleasure and add different sensations into the mix.

Venus butterfly step 3 using your fingers

Think of a woman having a sexual pleasure scale between 1 and 10, with ten being full-on, no-stopping-it, earth-shattering orgasm.

Your goal at this stage is to take her to about an 8, which should be right there at the proverbial edge of bliss, but far enough from the big O so you can still pull back.

4. Give her clitoris a little break

If you get her to an eight and you don't step away from the clitoris, she will hit the next level, nine.

Nine is a fickle and slippery slope, and you don't want to make her orgasm just yet.

Venus butterfly step 4 the cool down

Here are a few ideas of what should you be doing at this point:

  • Stimulate her other vulva areas with your tongue, external only
  • Gently stroke either side of the vulva with a vibrator
  • Lightly circle your fingers around her opening

Be super gentle during this "cool down." Your goal is to lower her pleasure/arousal level by at least a few points, but still make everything pleasurable.

5. Circle Back to Her Clit

Yes, you're returning to that sweet little pearl, but you have to tread ever-so-lightly. Her arousal levels will likely climb a little faster than the first go-round.

Use short and long strokes. Gentle flickers, as soft as taps from butterfly wings.

She's probably going to be back up to an 8, or even at a 9, rather quickly. So stay alert in the process and tune in to what her noises and movements are telling you.

6. Slip in Fingers and Find the G-spot

When she hits that spot just at the edge of an orgasm but not quite over-the-top just yet, slip two fingers inside of her.

Your palm should be up so that your fingers can easily stroke her G-spot.

Fingering demonstration using fruit

The G-spot should be a familiar place; if not, find it. You'll never regret doing so.

Remember, this little spot of tissue will be slightly raised and not as silky as the rest of her inner walls.

Some even claim it feels a bit wrinkly, like running the tip of your finger across a walnut.

Tap the G-spot lightly with your fingers, and then return to stroking her clit with your tongue at the same time.

If you're doing this right, she's going to reach orgasm pretty fast, and it's going to be a big one, a double-whammy, so to speak.

7. Cup Her Vagina with Your Hand

This is actually one of those profound moves that guys rarely know to do, but it's oh-so-worth-it for her.

Gently cupping your hand over her clit, vulva, and vaginal opening immediately after she comes is soothing and pleasurable.

Continue cupping her vagina as the waves of orgasms continue to reverberate through all of her sensitive parts.

As the waves of orgasms continue to reverberate through all her sensitive parts, you are holding the warmth of your hand against her. Some even call it holding the sexual energy in.

Things To Consider When Trying the Venus Butterfly Method

Perfecting the venus butterfly technique can take concentration, patience, some controlled coordination, and, of course practice!

Even if it takes you a few tries to get it right, this is one oral sex technique that’s well worth the effort and persistence.

You can do this just to treat her to some decadent oral pleasure as an end in and of itself, or to assure her pleasure before your play leads to penetrative sex.

For guys who may experience premature ejaculation (PE) and haven’t yet discovered the phenomenon that is Promescent’s Delay Spray, this technique can be a game-changer.

You can use aspects of this technique not just to rile her up initially, but also if you notice that you’re starting to get overstimulated and need to give your penis a break while keeping the good times rolling. 

If you have erectile dysfunction (ED) at times, then you well know the value of being equipped with other sex skills that don’t rely solely on getting and staying hard during sex for long enough to make her orgasm.

Using the Hand and Tongue During the Venus Butterfly Method

Using your hand and tongue at the same time and doing two totally different actions with each can be a challenge if you don't have the best coordination.

While totally different, you may be thinking about how hard it is for you to rub your belly and pat the top of your head.

Don't be intimidated—there are some tips and tricks to making the venus butterfly work, even if you’re not super coordinated.Happy couple after finishing the venus butterfly technique

Try using similar stroking motions with your hand and tongue when using both at once.

For example, if tapping slightly with fingertips internally, repeat the motion with your tongue.

You can use a G-spot vibrator for internal stimulation just the same as you can use your fingers. This may be easier for some less-coordinated men.

When you're using both hands and tongue, try slipping your two middle fingers inside of her, curved in a hook position toward you.

Rest your other fingers on either side of her vulva. In this position, even the slightest movement of your inserted fingers are stroking her G-spot.

So you don't have to do much moving to deliver pleasure, and you'll still have enough coordination to focus on tongue work.

What to Expect When You Achieve the Venus Butterfly Technique

Orgasms! Lots of orgasms!

Seriously, the Venus Butterfly Technique is an excellent thing to try if your partner has a hard time getting to the big bang. And, it's almost a surefire way to make her come during oral sex.

Woman orgasming from receiving the venus butterfly technique

If done correctly, she's going to experience the mind-blowing bliss of an internal (G-spot) and external (clitoral) orgasm simultaneously.

For some women, the collaboration can cause multiple waves of orgasms, which is referred to as—you guessed it—the Venus Butterfly.

Tips for Success and Takeaways

Tips to remember:

  • Open communication can help guide you; let her tell you where she is on the pleasure scale
  • Practice makes perfect—it can take a few times to get everything to happen just right
  • Remember, stimulate to almost the brink of no return, back off, go again

The Venus Butterfly Technique became pretty much famous in the 1980s when it was featured in a book suitably titled: The One Hour Orgasm: How to Learn the Amazing "Venus Butterfly" Technique.

The oral sex technique even made its way to prime-time TV on a few occasions. No doubt, your female partner is going to be appreciative of your sexual creativity just for trying.

But if you actually make it work, she may start requesting your fancy butterfly move on a regular basis!

Lexi Sylver

Lexi Sylver

Lexi Sylver is the Montreal-based erotica author of "Mating Season" and "All the Queen’s Men". She is also the producer and host of "Cocktails and Erotic Tales" as well as her "Swinging 101" webinar series. As an entrepreneur, advocate, educator, podcaster, public speaker and coach for ethical non-monogamy and sexual empowerment, she regularly contributes articles about sexuality and relationships to ASN Lifestyle Magazine, and her personal blog, among other places. Her mission is to promote empowerment and education by guiding you to shamelessly explore your sexuality. Get Lexual at


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  • Roxanne Khamsi. 2006 October 02. Women become sexually aroused as quickly as men. NewScientist. Accessed 26 Jan 2022.
  • Venus Butterfly. 2021 November 04. Wikipedia. Accessed 26 Jan 2022.
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