How To Have Sex For The First Time

It can be an exciting and anxious moment when you're about to lose your virginity. Here's everything to know about how to have sex for the first time.

The Promescent Team
Hands on, practical experience – this is our expertise
by The Promescent Team Last updated 12/11/2023
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Having sex for the first time

Having sex for the first time can be a wonderful and exhilarating experience. It can also be one full of anxieties and uncertainties.

But there are ways to minimize those effects in favor of pleasure. If you’re about to lose your virginity, this guide will help you fully prepare and calm your mind.

Quick FAQs

It's important to find a private place for you and your partner to be comfortable. Use protection, get your partner's consent, and engage in foreplay before penetration.

Some individuals will experience mild discomfort their first time having sex. Be sure to make use of lube and take things slow to make the experience less uncomfortable.

Most men will likely orgasm their first time. Women may not orgasm their first time through penetration alone. Consider adding some fingering along with penetration to increase chances of orgasm.

Here’s everything to know about making sex for the first time the best experience possible!

How to Have Sex for the First Time

The first time having sex can be a huge step towards deepening connection in a relationship and expanding horizons.

This guide will look at all aspects of that, whether you’re a virgin in a stable relationship or you’re enjoying a more casual situation. There will also be useful tips on:

  • Staying safe
  • Increasing pleasure
  • Having difficult, but important conversations
  • Ensuring both partners feel comfortable and respected

It’s important to remember that while having sex can be serious, it should also be playful and fun. Remembering that can reduce the stress of it all. Here are some tips to keep in mind.

1. Talk with Your Partner First

Sex can often be spontaneous, but for the first time, it will likely require a bit more talking and planning.

The tricky part is, talking about sex can sometimes be just as difficult as actually having sex. But it’s crucial that first timers are open and honest with their partner so that everyone can have a good time.

Some important questions and conversations around sex that should be discussed with a partner include:

  • Are you both virgins?
  • Where will the sex happen?
  • What methods of birth control will be used, such as condoms, IUD’s, hormonal pills, etc?
  • If a pregnancy should occur, what's the plan?
  • If the partner has had sex before, have they been tested recently for any STI’s?

None of these conversations are necessarily fun or easy, but they’re a very important part of a healthy sexual relationship. Once the tough questions have been asked,  partners can have sex without any uncertainties or fears.

2. Have Protection

Using protection is necessary unless couples are actively planning for a pregnancy. First timers should talk with their partner about whether they’re currently using a form of protection, or if they’re ready to start one.

Men can use condoms as a protection, or they can get a vasectomy. Women have the following proven and recommended options including:

  • Hormonal birth control (either as pills, injections, or IUD’s)
  • Non-hormonal IUD’s
  • Female condoms

Some less effective, and not advised, forms of birth control include:

  • The pull-out method, which involves removing the penis before ejaculation. However, this is a less than ideal option given that pre-ejaculate may contain viable sperm.
  • Spermicidal lube, which also has a poor statistical rating for preventing pregnancy.

It’s important to always talk with a doctor before taking any new hormonal birth control to help maximize efficacy and prevent unwanted side effects.

3. Utilize Lubrication

Lubrication can be a game changer when it comes to having great sex. It’s often something that inexperienced partners forget about until they're already in the moment.

While women may naturally get more wet when aroused, it’s not always a given. Lubrication ensures both partners feel pleasure without any chaffing or uncomfortable sensations.

Different lubes have different pros and cons. It's help to try different condom-safe and body-safe lubes to see which is best:

  • Water-based lubricants may need to be reapplied more often, but they are not oily, won’t stain most fabrics, and require less cleanup than other lubricants.
  • Silicone-based lubricants can last longer than water-based ones, but they can stain certain fabrics and may require washing with soap to remove completely from the skin.

4. Get in a Comfortable Setting

Sex should happen in a space where there’s complete privacy. The last thing first-timers need is someone knocking on the door or barging in.

Partners should consider their living situation when planning ahead. If there are roommates in the home, consider waiting until they’re gone before starting, or rent a nearby room for the night.

Having no interruptions will allow first-time sex partners to take their time to make the experience pleasurable.

5. Begin with Foreplay

Partners should engage in foreplay before getting right into penetration. Foreplay can increase arousal, which helps males get better erections to penetrate, and females get more vaginal lubrication for sex to be pleasurable.

Some foreplay ideas to consider include:

  • Massages
  • Fingering
  • Oral teasing
  • Stripping

Partners can also share what types of foreplay they like to help further increase arousal.

6. Communicate During Sex

Talking is sexy, whether it’s dirty talk or just being open about one's desires. By engaging in honest conversations, both partners can lay out clearly what they want, and don’t want, in the bedroom.

Some people may be a bit more shy and timid about discussing these things. A few conversation starters to help open things up include:

  • What they want and expect from sex
  • If they have any desired positions or acts to try out
  • If they want a certain lighting (such as candles or LEDs) or music to set the scene

During sex, it’s important for partners to be vocal by asking how things are going, and talking about what’s feeling good.

Research has also found that making noises during sex can also enhance arousal. Don’t be shy about letting out a moan or grunt during intercourse.

Consent should always be acquired before and during sex, and it doesn't always have to be verbal.

During sex, if any partner is ever saying anything like "no," "wait," "stop," or "don't," the partner should pause and discuss things.

However, there are also forms of non-verbal consent during sex that should be looked out for. If a partner flinches, or seems uncomfortable, it's important to stop and ask if everything's good. 

Partners should pay attention to each other’s expressions and body language at all times.

Will the First Time Having Sex Hurt?

For some partners, there may be discomfort during the first time having sex. If either partner experiences strong pain during intercourse, it's best to stop and take a break.

Here are some common reasons for mild discomfort during the first time:

For men:

  • A lack of lubrication making it too tight or uncomfortable. Solution: use more lubrication.
  • An uncomfortable angle that puts pressure on the penis. Solution: try a new position, and don’t continue if things don’t feel good.
  • Not knowing where to put the penis. Solution: allow her to help, because it's likely lower than you think

For women:

  • A lack of lubrication is a common factor for uncomfortable first times.
  • An intact hymen may lead to some pain and possible bleeding. Taking a break or returning to it another day may be the solution.
  • A larger penis may cause discomfort. In this case, take it slow and use extra lubrication.

Will I Orgasm the First Time I Have Sex?

Most men will likely orgasm the first time they have sex. In fact, it’s very likely the orgasm will occur quickly due to the unique and highly stimulating sensations.

A good way to prevent finishing too early is using products like the desensitizing spray to temporarily reduce sensations without removing pleasure.

By utilizing the active ingredient lidocaine, the climax control spray can safely help prevent overstimulation so men can gain greater control over their orgasm while still feeling pleasure.

For women having sex for the first time, an orgasm may not be likely from penetration alone, but ways to improve the chances include:

  • Fingering
  • Cunnilingus
  • Nipple play
  • Extra foreplay and post-play


Knowing what to do when having sex for the first time can seem overwhelming. But by ollowing this guide, memorable and stress-free sex will be more possible.

Take things slow, be open about desires, and remember to keep things light despite how serious the moment can be.

By utilizing these tips, partners will be able to stay safe while experiencing newfound pleasure. From there, a partners can explore and discover all the unique and various things that sex has to offer.

The Promescent Team

The Promescent Team

Our team has over a decade of experience in the sexual wellness field and are experts in sexual dysfunctions, like premature ejaculation. We help couples and individuals better understand treatment options available for different types of sexual needs and educate the public on all things related to intimacy. All of our authored content is medically reviewed for accuracy and reliability.


Absorption Pharmaceuticals LLC (Promescent) has strict informational citing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic or research institutions, medical associations, and medical experts. We attempt to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references and only citing trustworthy sources. Each article is reviewed, written, and updated by Medical Professionals or authoritative Experts in a specific, related field of practice. You can find out more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

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The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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