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Foreplay Tips for Men

by Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman
Dr. Laura Berman

Foreplay Tips for Men To Pleasure Her

Let’s talk about 21 different foreplay tips, ideas, and techniques men can follow to become better in bed.

Foreplay is something we tend to forget about at times but is a vital part of intercourse. For women, it gives them time to ‘warm’ up and get in the mood. It also allows them to reach orgasm more frequently. 

Many men are unaware but the average healthy male lasts approx. 5 minutes before reaching climax while the average healthy female can take as much as 17 minutes to reach climax.This is called the orgasm gap.

 

How to make her orgasm more and close the orgasm gap

For key information on how to close the orgasm gap, read this article: The Orgasm Gap: FAQs & Ways to Close it 

Did you know a study of more than 8,000 women showed that only 6% of women reach orgasm through penile-vaginal intercourse? (Kontula, Miettinen, 2016)

So, if your skipping foreplay odds are that she is not enjoying sex as much as you. And if you think she is, she’s most likely faking it. 

Before we jump into the good stuff, let’s talk about the female anatomy.

The Female Anatomy & Why Foreplay Is Important

The female body is far more complicated than a male’s body. 

She’s not typically ready to get busy on command. Pair that with the fact that women are more stimulated by touch than sight, and you have all the understanding you need about why foreplay for women is important. 

What is the Clitoris?

Grapefruit Representation of Clitoris

The clitoris is the central point of pleasure on a woman’s body. 

While there are nerves throughout the vulva and inside the vagina, this is where the pleasure center is actually situated.

Where Is the Clitoris?

The clitoris is easier to find than most guys expect. 

The inner labia (lips) form a hood just over the clitoris, which is a small bud that slightly protrudes outward. The clitoral hood protects the clitoris from direct stimulation. 

With at least 15,000 nerve endings concentrated into one area, direct contact can be understandably intense.

What Is the G-Spot?

What and Where is the Female G-Spot

 In 1950, a German gynecologist by the name of Ernst Gräfenberg discovered a spot inside the vagina that, when stimulated, produced immense sexual pleasure. 

Some claim stimulation of the spot can actually cause a woman to ejaculate. The lucky guy named the spot after himself: the Gräfenberg spot, which has long been shortened to just G-spot (thankfully!). 

Where Is the G-Spot?

Finding the G-spot is a little harder than finding the clitoris. 

This slightly raised, slightly bumpy spot lies in the inner upper wall of the vagina, and not every female can pinpoint exactly where the spot is located, but trial and error is a lot of fun during foreplay.

The Top 21 Foreplay Tips and Ideas for Men

1. Get the Room Ready for Sex

Romanitc Setting Women Love

A lot of guys have this tunnel-vision ability to zero in on what they're doing and forget everything else during sex. Women tend to get distracted easily by their environment and that list of things that need to be done.

If you invite her in the bedroom, take the time to clear the clutter, fix the sheets, pick up your laundry, and generally tidy up the living space.

It never hurts to set the stage either. Dim the lights, light a candle, turn on some music, or at least, turn off YouTube.

2. Take Your Time Undressing

Ways To Turn Her On Before Sex

If you're going for foreplay women like, keep in mind that it is far more seductive and arousing if you take your time peeling away the layers of clothing. 

Yes, it can be tough to pace yourself when you want to get your eyes all over her body. 

She will appreciate the anticipation that comes along with removing one article of clothing at a time and the attention you give her body in the process.

Remove her shirt and stroke her shoulders and arms. Pull off her pants, slowly, and kiss or touch her legs and thighs as you do. Remove her bra and caress her breasts. Pull off her panties and ... you get the idea.

3. Make the Clitoris and G-Spot En Route Places, Not Your Starting Points

How to Find The G-Spot

Didn't your mother teach you not to eat dessert before dinner?

The clitoris and G-spot are important points to know on a woman's body, but foreplay should never start here.  

Foreplay before sex is all about encouraging her to get warmed up and ready. Diving right into clitoral stimulation or G-spot stimulation simply doesn't work if she's not at least partially aroused already.

4. Slow It Down, Build Anticipation

Slow Things Down in The Bedroom

Getting a little more in-depth with tip three above, slowing down is something that can work wonders for your foreplay efforts, and it is one of the foreplay tips for men that can be the biggest struggle. 

Yes, you are excited, and so is she, but you want to build up something incredibly important to the overall sexual experience: anticipatory pleasure. Slowing your roll is the simplest way to do that.

The human brain knows two primary forms of pleasure:

  1. Anticipatory - Pleasure experienced in anticipation of something we want. Consider the feeling you get when you really want that pizza and the delivery driver arrives.
  2. Consummatory - Pleasure experienced when you actually get what you've been craving. That joy you feel when you sink your teeth into the first bite of pizza. 

When it comes to sex, building up sexual tension and achieving heightened states of pleasure is all about anticipation, and anticipation falls right at the center of sexual pleasure. 

Plus, it works the same for both males and females.

If you're looking to try new things in the bedroom with your partner, check out this article21 New Things Couples Need to Try in Bed in 2020

Of course, some guys have a hard time slowing down, especially if foreplay is a two-way street and she's offering a lot of stimulation to you. 

This is where a desensitizing spray like Promescent can really be a saving grace. Especially if you anticipate performing poorly in bed.

5. Don't Be Afraid to Ask Questions

Couple Asking Questions & Communicating

Your goal is to arouse her, but if you're struggling with pinning down what she likes, just ask.

Most women appreciate straightforward questions; it shows her that you aim to please her the way she likes to be pleased, and that can be a turn-on all by itself. 

Don't let your questions be juvenile. Put some thought into them, or use the fact that you need guidance as an opportunity to inject some dirty talk. For example:

  •   Show me where you want my hands.
  •   Do you like it when I rub your (insert sexy body part name) like this?
  •   Tell me what you want me to do with my mouth. 

Even if your partner is a bit shy in the bedroom, the process of her showing you things she likes without having to directly answer can be incredibly hot for both of you. 

And you get the guidance you're seeking for foreplay ideas. It's a win-win either way.

6. Get Out of the Bedroom ... or the House

Woman Unsatisfied in The Bedroom

Sex doesn’t have to happen only in the bedroom, and foreplay doesn’t either. A lot of excitement can come along with trying out some sensual play in other rooms in the house.

Initiate foreplay in the living room, while she’s folding laundry, or slip into the shower with her and get the party started. 

Even if you end up in the bedroom, eventually, playing around in new places and situations can really get her heated up and excited.

Don’t forget that getting out of the house can really escalate sexual experiences to new heights.

Rent a hotel for the night a few towns away and take a road trip with some pointedly planned stops along the way for some preconceived foreplay.

7. Get Clean, Get Groomed, and Get Sexy

Man With Good Hygiene

You know how you are enamored with clean skin and a nicely manicured surprise under sexy panties? 

Believe it or not, all this is just as enticing for women. NOT the sexy panties—unless that's what she's into, then ... go for it. 

Being clean, smelling nice, and slipping into a nice pair of sexy underwear is one of the easiest ways to arouse a woman. 

Do a little manscaping. 

She'll appreciate the efforts even if she doesn't say it out loud.

8. Allow Her to Take the Lead When She Wants To

Woman Taking Control in the Bedroom

If you’re the guy who always likes to be in charge in the bedroom, it can be a little off-putting if your partner takes the lead, but it is oh-so-worth-it to let her.

Show her you like it when she’s the initiator by responding and encouraging her to take the lead. You may be surprised how turned on she gets when she is directing all the moves.

9. Kiss Her, But Kiss Her Right

Best Ways To Kiss Her

Sensual foreplay is all about passionate touch that may not involve genitalia at all, and kissing is one of the oldest forms of sensual foreplay for women. How you kiss speaks volumes to a woman. 

  • If you've managed to get slobber all over her face, you're doing it all wrong.
  • If you know what her tonsils taste like, she's probably going to feel violated.
  • If you've chapped her lips from too much pecking, it's a mistake. 

Kiss her gently but firmly, and don't just focus on her mouth. Let your kisses stray to her neck, ears, and cheeks. 

And, don't keep your lips stuck on her the entire time. Just mix the kisses in.

10. Buy Some New Toys

If you haven’t shopped for adult toys in a while, you might be a little surprised with all the choices. 

From vibrating rabbits for clitoral stimulation to pulsing rings that turn your penis into a vibrating tool of its own, the selection is impressive.

Shopping together for toys you want to use on each other can really get the anticipation flowing, and introducing new tools and new sensations can arouse both of you. 

11. Remember, Foreplay Starts Outside the Bedroom

Foreplay starts far before you ever touch her. If you’ve disregarded her for most of the day, been too busy to give her much attention, or otherwise inattentive to her needs beyond the bedroom, it’s going to be harder to get her in the mood, no matter how good the actual foreplay is. 

Take some time to let her know she’s important to you, that she’s on your mind, and that you want her long before you ever try to inject foreplay to get her ready for sex.

12. Write Her a [Dirty] Love Letter

Write a Romantic Letter

Love letters have kind of died with the birth of electronic communication, but a handwritten letter is so much more meaningful. A letter communicating your love is great, but spice it up a bit.

  • Tell her how you like it when she does certain things during or before sex.
  • Tell her what it is about her body that gets your blood flowing.
  • Tell her what you want to do to her.

13. Use Your Magic Fingers for a Sensual Massage

Sex and sexual touching are great, but sensual massage is a new world of pleasure for her.

Sensual massage is going to make her feel like she’s nurtured, adored, and loved, and getting her relaxed helps lower her inhibitions thereafter. 

So, for a special treat, lower the lights, gently remove her clothing and give her a slow and sexy rubdown.

14. Practice Self-Exploration and Controlling Ejaculation Alone

Help With Controlling Ejaculation

The more you know your own body, the more you can control it, so self-exploration is an important foreplay tip even if it’s not an actual part of the occasion. 

A few methods exist for controlling ejaculation, such as finding your point-of-no-return and learning about the use of biofeedback to back off, slow down, and prevent ejaculation.

Don’t forget to include desensitizing spray if you really have problems holding back. 

Guys who have problems with premature ejaculation may not be able to make it more than a couple of minutes, and even the typical guy averages around 5 minutes before ejaculation. 

By using a product like Promescent, you can desensitize some of the most sensitive parts of your penis, which will help you last longer and give her more pleasure during foreplay or sex.

15. Talk a Little, But Don't Talk Too Much

Flirting Women The Right Way

A little dirty talk is a nice way to heat things up but tread carefully with those words you use to get your lady in the mood and fine-tune your dirty talking to her preferences.

Every woman is different—as much as that makes your job harder as the guy who's aiming to please her. 

Some ladies will be offended with one too many slang terms for her lady parts. Some women like it if you do so much dirty talking that the crudest sailor would blush. Some women are most aroused by romantic words and loving phrases during foreplay. 

Hey, it takes all kinds, so figure out what your partner likes and say what she likes to hear. 

Another thing to keep in mind: Steer clear of those cringe-inducing, cliche phrases. (You know the ones—think low-budget porn.)

16. Talk About Your Sexual Fantasies Involving Her

Both men and women enjoy knowing that their partner fantasizes about them doing certain things. 

Even if she’s not sharing her fantasies just yet, tell her about your own, even if you are a little bashful and have to write them down.

She may just take the initiative to fulfill your fantasies, and, even better, she may disclose to you some of her own. This intimate exchange of fantastical ideas can get things heated up faster than you can imagine—on both ends.

17. Build a Foreplay Tool Kit

Promescent Foreplay Toolkit

A few nifty tools can really liven up foreplay before sex. You don't have to go all out, but fix up a foreplay tool kit you can reach for in the nightstand or under the bed. A good, basic foreplay kit should include:

  • A good water-based lube or a natural lube like coconut oil
  • A basic vibrator for her (a small wand or vibrating egg works nice)
  • A few lightweight bondage toys just in case, like soft wrist restraints or a blindfold

The foreplay tool kit can be as inclusive as you like it to be, but just having the basics on hand shows you're well-prepared.

18. Do Your Research

Do Research on Foreplay Techniques

Google is your best friend when it comes to finding foreplay tips for men. 

A lot of men struggle when it comes to knowing different foreplay techniques. However, there's no shame in using Google or your favorite search engine and typing in something like foreplay ideas or how to foreplay for example. 

You can learn a lot by reading through different explanatory guides like this, videos about foreplay, and images that showcase diagrams.

All women are different and there are a variety of things you should learn about when it comes to knowing how the female body works. 

It just takes a little time and effort but you will be glad you did and so will she.

19. Give Her More of What She Wants

Giving Her More of What She Wants

If you've been with your partner for a while, you probably have a good idea of what she likes in the foreplay department, and there's nothing wrong with doing what you know works, even if it seems routine. 

If she responds well to a sensual massage, give it to her. If she loves oral sex, oblige her, happily. If she likes a certain toy, use it.

It's fine to explore and try new things, but the trusted foreplay that has always worked should never be put on the back burner just because you want to try something new.

20. Play Around with a Little BDSM

Tips For Experimenting with BDSM

You may not think you (or she) would be all that interested in BDSM during foreplay, but kinky BDSM doesn’t have to mean leather outfits and whips. Some people are surprised at just how much arousal can come along with a little:

  • Spanking
  • Light biting
  • Restraining

Try it out with your partner, and invite her to come up with a safe word you both can use if either of you feels uncomfortable.

21. Learn When to Forego the Foreplay and Just Go For It

Yes, foreplay is important, awesome, and all that and a bag of chips for your sex life. BUT, sometimes, skipping the foreplay and going right for the gold is perfectly fine. 

The key here is you have to get to know your partner well enough to know when she's all ready for the taking without the typical encouragement. 

Sometimes, if the two of you are keeping a sexual connotation to your relationship, the oven will already be preheated without you having to manually push any buttons. So, it'll be perfectly fine to get cooking.

Conclusion

Foreplay for women gets her turned on before you go any further. Unlike men, women aren’t naturally ready for sex as soon as it gets started; her physical arousal is a lot more complicated. 

As a bonus, good foreplay time for her gets her closer to the goal of an ending in climax, which means you’ll be less likely to finish first before she’s actually done once sex is initiated. 

Of course, using a delay spray like Promescent will also be a huge help in that department.

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Dr. Laura Berman
Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman PhD is an acclaimed relationship expert, award-winning radio host on her show 'Uncovered Radio' and a NY Times best-selling author. Dr. Berman has a doctorate from New York University with an emphasis on human sexuality. She is also a member of AASECT, SSSS, the International Society for the study of Women's Sexual Health and the American Urologic Society.


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