It happens to the best of relationships. Love kindles like a wildfire... then simmers down to a slow glow.
If you don't stoke the fire every now and then with something new in the bedroom, the heat could die out entirely.
Some couples think they have fallen out of love or the spark is gone. It isn't.
The person you fell for is still in there, with all the sex appeal that made the relationship pop at the beginning.
At first, the spice of novelty kept the relationship afloat; the thrill of discovery as you discovered each others' bodies, tastes, and personalities. It was easy to keep things hot.
As you relaxed into the relationship, routines set in, and bills and/or kids entered the picture, that easy sexual chemistry subsided.
Now it takes effort to spark that old romance.
You've committed to your relationship—honor that commitment by being proactive. Switch things up tonight with one or more of these 20 new things to try in bed for couples.
The Kama Sutra details 64 sexual positions. Most couples get tired after three or four. There's the one or two that works for him, and the one or two that works for her, and that's what they stick to, every time.
That kind of sexual routine can quickly become monotonous.
Want something new to do in bed? Try a different sex position.
All sex positions begin from one of the three starting points. These starting points are:
Everything else is a variation on one of those.
Within those basic parameters, however, the sky is the limit. You could try:
If you don't like the new position, there's nothing wrong with going back to old faithful for the climax.
But you both might discover sensations you never knew existed!
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Just know your body, and don't hurt yourself or your partner. Even if the new position turns out to be a comical train wreck, it's not a disaster—it's something to bond and laugh over.
Remember, sex is supposed to be fun!
See More Sex Positions We Recommend: Sex Positions to Last Longer in Bed
A survey done of over 2,000 people declared that those who were single preferred having sex with the lights on.
However, those who were in a relationship or who were married preferred intercourse in a dimmer darker setting.
In a separate study (A Griffin 2016), it was found that men who were exposed to bright light for a duration of time through the day experience more sex drive and were found to have increased testosterone levels.
Another thing you can try in bed is to do the opposite.
If you usually prefer the cover of darkness, try keeping the lights on. This can be especially great to try in bed for him.
Men tend to be visual creatures. It adds to the excitement of the encounter to watch her doing naughty things to him.
If you're usually a "light-on" couple, try sex in pitch-black. This one is awesome to try in bed for her.
Women have rich fantasy lives. The anticipation of the unknown and unexpected could really turn her on.
According to Magliano (2015), research showed, anywhere from 2% to 62% of couples enjoy BDSM.
If that gap makes your brain hurt, remember that it matters how the question is worded.
BDSM could encompass anything from lightly holding your partner down, all the way up to handcuffs and ball gags.
"BDSM" is a portmanteau abbreviation. It stands for "bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism."
Couples enjoy the thrill of power or the rush of helplessness. Usually, one partner prefers to be dominant, the other submissive (true of many couples who don't practice BDSM). Occasionally, couples might switch roles.
Don't go straight to handcuffs or ropes.
Someone could easily get injured. Instead, try tying each other down with silk scarves, maybe using one as a blindfold.
No slipknots, as they can constrict and cut off circulation. Use a stationary knot like a square knot or bowline. Tease with feathers, foods, fingers, tongues.
An important aspect of BDSM play is a "safeword," usually something unrelated to the sex act like "banana" or "freight train." When the submissive partner says the safeword, the session stops immediately and the dominant partner removes all restraints.
Safewords allow submissives to say things like "No, please stop!" and the dominant knows they are fine to continue. Remember, BDSM is about the illusion of power and control between trusted partners. Real dominance can quickly turn into assault. Remember, never let a stranger tie you up.
If you want ideas of things to try in bed with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don't overlook the best source of all—asking your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Your partner may be ashamed of his or her sexual fantasies, brought up to believe that they were wrong or bad. Some fantasies may be politically incorrect or even offensive in the wrong context.
Consider making your relationship a safe space to talk about the darkest desires of each others' hearts.
This may be the riskiest suggestion on this list. You could end up finding out something you didn't want to find out about your partner. Better to know now than to find out later, though.
You also might find out that once you act out the fantasy it loses its ability to turn you on when you masturbate.
Many people feel stifled about talking dirty in bed, but it can really spice things up if you run out of things to do in the bedroom.
If you're not used to talking dirty, you might be afraid of sounding ridiculous.
Indeed, saying "Give it to me!" or "You're a bad girl!" might provoke giggles instead of moans, if you say them half-heartedly.
The trick is to become present to the moment, to the emotions you are feeling, and speak them from the heart. Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you want to do to him/her or what you want him/her to do to you.
Many people don't want their sex lives to be all lovey-dovey, all the time.
Even with their partner for life, they want to feel like animals be treated like animals in bed.
Like BDSM, rough bedroom play can be intimidating. You may love this person and don't want to hurt him/her.
That being said, 62% of women responding to an OKCupid poll reported that they liked rough sex. This is open to interpretation, but it might include:
Be extra careful before you choke, slap, scratch, hold down, or do anything to someone that could leave a mark.
These actions look like assault. Without consent, they are assault. Consider rough play only with a trusted partner, and build up to it so you understand how rough you can safely get.
Another kind of rough play is verbal rough play—calling your partner a slut or verbally abusing him/her. This could be a good place to start. If one or the other partner doesn't like it, you can always make up later with little harm done.
Informal polls find that most people who give blowjobs to climax swallow the ejaculate. If you or your partner has objected to this in the past, consider giving it a try.
Swallowing semen is naughty, taboo, and (some believe) intimate—in other words, a great thing to try in bed with your girlfriend or boyfriend.
For the health-conscious, semen is 97% water, non-fattening, and contains about 2% sperm. The metallic taste comes from zinc, an essential mineral.
If a partner objects to the taste of semen, the man could do a few things to improve the taste.
Eating lots of fruit or drinking fruit juices reportedly improves the flavor of semen, while smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and eating food like broccoli, brussels sprouts, meat, dairy, coffee, or deep-fried food befouls the taste.
Anal is considered taboo, a final frontier, the province of gay men. Women aren't supposed to like it, and certainly not straight men.
The numbers tell a different story. An NIH study discovered that 43% of men and 37% of women report having had anal sex at least once in their lives. An NSSHB study by Herbenick et al, (2017) found that 43% of men and 37% of women concluded that over 20% had anal sex within the past year.
Many couples make three big anal-sex mistakes:
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Clearly, the majority of anal play is being done by straight people. It's not for everybody, but enough people like it that it's worth a try—if for nothing else than the satisfaction of crossing that taboo line together.
IMPORTANT: Only toys with flared bases are safe to use as butt plugs. Non-flared dildos can become lost inside the rectum and cause internal damage.
Pay attention—you could learn something!
Many people feel furtive and secretive about their masturbation, habits acquired in adolescence while living with their parents.
We've come a long way from mom and dad's house. Studies have shown that people find masturbation more physically gratifying than sex with a partner, even if partner sex was more emotionally gratifying.
Maybe that's because we don't have to focus on anybody but ourselves. Maybe it's because only we know how to please ourselves the best.
So turn masturbation into a partner activity. If you run out of things to do in bed, take the pressure off of pleasing each other and just please yourselves in each others' presence.
You may discover that how you were touching the penis or vagina in question was very different from how your partner likes to touch him/her self. Try to reproduce that touch with your hands during the next hands-on session and see what happens.
Sex may feel like too much pressure after a hard day, but who isn't down for a massage?
Go for broke with aromatic oils, soothing music, silky sheets. It's a great way to enjoy each others' bodies and make each other feel good, without the effort of sex.
Who knows—in that relaxed, dopamine-rich state, sex may just happen.
Here's another chance to risk looking silly, but if you commit to it, sexual roleplaying can make every sex session a new adventure and a chance to explore deep, possibly forbidden kinks like intergenerational relationships, power dynamics, or racial fetishization.
Dress-up ideas include:
Many couples have one dominant partner, but it can be a refreshing change of pace for the submissive partner to take over for a night—initiate, pick the position, play rough, talk abusively.
If you don't like it, at least you know a little better what it's like to be in the other partner's shoes.
One of the best ways to try something new in the bedroom is to leave the bedroom.
When you are confident of your privacy, take your sex session anywhere in the home that suits you. Options include the sofa, kitchen counter, kitchen table, dining room table, home office desk, walk-in closet, shower, toilet, swimming pool, balcony, back seat of the car, on the floor, up against the wall or whatever will support your weight.
Sex out of the bedroom has that hot, spontaneous vibe of impatience—you can't keep your hands off each other, and can't be bothered to make it to the bedroom.
You may have even had some sex like that early in the relationship. If you run out of things to do in bed, you could always relive those heady days of sex on the ottoman!
Consider food play—chocolate sauce, marshmallows, strawberries, eating sushi off each other, dumping champagne over each others' bodies... go nuts.
An edible lubricant or edible underwear are options too. Caution—food and sugars in the vagina can lead to yeast infections.
Lube isn't just for anal sex—it can make handjobs, toy play, and vaginal sex much more pleasurable.
Lube should be in every couple's sex arsenal, even if they don't like roleplaying or toys. Dry vaginal sex can cause chafing and tearing. Adding lube makes sex pleasurable for everyone, more often.
Lube comes in three basic varieties:
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Re-live the thrill of singlehood—without the rejection or the regret. Get dolled up, go out separately, and pretend not to know each other.
Every pick-up line will work.
Get each other liquored up and in the mood to make some spontaneous bad decisions. "I never do this!" "My place or yours?" (It's the same place.)
Sex toys play a key role in many long-term relationships. Women rarely give up their favorite vibrators just because they have a partner in bed with them regularly—and they shouldn't have to.
A trip to the local adult store could reveal a world of possibilities to enhance your sexual encounters with possibilities for play.
It's better than Christmas—with a new toy, sex with the same partner becomes a whole new thing!
The routine of chores, bills, meals, and must-see TV go a long way toward killing the spark in once-hot relationships. Here's an idea for when you run out of things to do in bed—turn those boring routines into an advantage.
Cooking dinner? Barge in and bending her over the counter.
A work assignment is due tomorrow? Interrupt him with fellatio in his home office chair—guess you're working late.
Long road trip? Pull off the road and snag a room at the nearest motel.
Scour your routine for opportunities to inject hot sex into the mix.
Now we're getting into a danger zone where only professionals dare to tread.
Sex in public is the ultimate rush for many couples—the thrill of spontaneity, the risk of getting caught.
Let's talk about getting caught. Sex in many public places violates public indecency laws.
Interestingly, sex on a public-facing balcony or in front of a public-facing picture window is still considered public, even if the love nest is technically on your private property.
Many couples dream of joining the mile-high club. Bear in mind that having sex in an airplane lavatory is totally illegal. So is road head or other sexual acts performed behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.
Other danger zones include:
More benign places to try public sex might include a bathroom or vacant bedroom of a home where you are attending a private party. Maybe this will surprise you, maybe it won't, but sex in the bathrooms of nightclubs is also very common.
Public sex has one advantage—anyone who catches you may be too embarrassed to bust you, instead preferring to look the other way until you are done.
Sometimes the knowledge that you are performing for the camera spices up the encounter.
Go ahead and make your own homemade porno to revisit later and see how hot you look. Just be mindful of security.
You may not want to see your homemade sex tape wind up on your favorite Porn website unless maybe you are a reality TV star.
This is a very touchy subject. Many couples do not have the stomach for the idea of their romantic partner touching someone else. This is very common, and nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let anyone convince you that you should be okay with non-monogamy if you aren't.
Let's be real, though—we're wired to be possessive of our partners, but we have wandering eyes. Reporting in the Institute for Family Studies blog, Wang, 2018 found 20% of American men and 13% of American women are estimated to have had affairs while married.
Instead of being shocked when it happens, we should be surprised if it has never happened to someone we know.
Hundreds of generations of our ancestors passed the infidelity gene down to us, due to the reproductive success of cheaters. It may not have made us happy, it may not have made us good partners, but it made us reproduce.
There's no denying that if you can successfully integrate other partners into a long-term relationship, you will never lack something new to do in bed because you can always opt for someone new to do in bed.
True champions of sexual experimentation could try any of the following:
The effort is worth it.
To put it mildly, sex matters. It's the glue that holds the relationship together.
Studies show that modern relationships start to fizzle and fail after as few as five bad sexual encounters. One partner might not even share their dissatisfaction until it's too late.
Don't wait for that tough conversation. Spice things up now, and enjoy the fruits of a rejuvenated sex life.
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