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Boost Her Arousal: 12 Tips You Can Try Tonight

by Dr. Laura Berman 8 min read

Dr. Laura Berman
Human sexuality and relationship expert
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Human sexuality and relationship expert


For most men, pleasing a woman can be very intimidating.

Figuring out what makes her tick and what types of strokes and touches she desires can seem very complicated, but rest assured, you can learn how to pleasure her hotspots and ensure she enjoys herself each and every time.

Pleasing a woman in the bedroom isn’t half as complicated as it seems, and a big part of the battle is simply having the desire to do so.

Quick FAQs

 You can detect female arousal by her natural lubrication increasing, pupils dilating, her back arching, nipples getting hard, and facial flushing among other things. 

There are no exacts when it comes to female arousal. It can take just a few minutes and in some circumstances arousal may never come. 

Yes, we'll cover 12 tips in detail, including; sensual talk and touch, oral sex, massages, and behavioral characteristics that can lead to arousal. You can also try Promescent Arousal Gel to get things started.

So, if you’re interested and engaged in making the experience pleasurable for her, you’re already halfway there.

The next step to be great in bed with a woman is to understand her body and trigger points in turning her on. With that being said, sometimes it requires a little more education and know-how than you might think.

Let’s talk about the importance of understanding female arousal triggers, and 12 simple ways to totally arouse a woman that will have her wanting more...more...more.

The Differences Between Male and Female Arousal

You have probably heard that men and women have different ways of getting aroused in general. According to the American Psychological Association, men and women not only have big physical differences in how they experience arousal, but mental ones as well.

Due to the differences in the male and female brains, it’s normal that patterns of arousal are not going to be the same.

That’s because the sex-steroid hormones running through our bodies are different in the genders.

In a study performed by Stanford Medicine, they explored how the hormones in women, which are estrogen and progesterone predominantly, and testosterone in males can make the sexual experience different for either sex.

Comparing women and men arousal triggers, and different ways to arouse a woman

These hormones affect brain chemistry in many ways. And, the way we are socialized also plays a role: Men might prefer visual triggers like watching pornography, while women might prefer to be romanced or feel as though their partner truly sees them and desires them.

So while watching a X-rated video might be all it takes to get you in the mood, she might need a romantic date night or plenty of foreplay like kissing and petting before she’s in the mood.

Understanding Female Arousal Triggers

One of the best ways to get your partner in the mood for sex is to be present and engaged.

Giving your partner your full attention before you reach the bedroom, such as putting your phone away and having a meaningful conversation at the dinner table, will do more to get her in the mood than just lighting a few candles.

That being said, setting the mood is also important.

It's advisable for men to engage in a bit of ‘choreplay’, that is, helping to clean up the house and do your part when it comes to chores, so that she has more time to relax and practice self-care.

A man doing chores around the house to attempt to arouse his female partner

The more she takes care of herself, the more desirable she will feel and the more in the mood she will be for intimacy.

12 of The Best Ways to Arouse A Woman

Men are often compared to a microwave during sex – they're ready to go instantly. Women on the other hand are like a crockpot – they need more time to heat up.

This brings us to our first point tip.

1. Don't Rush Things

Remember, your partner is a crockpot.

So, try to set the mood all day long if you want to have intimacy later that night. You can:

  • Send her seductive and flirty text messages
  • Compliment her on her new dress
  • Wash the dishes so she has time to do yoga
  • Have a glass of wine on the couch

Create that relaxed, sexy energy that she desires.

Showing the things you can do around the house to help arouse a woman

If your partner isn’t the mood for intimacy, you can still connect with her physically in other ways:

  • Offer to draw her a bubble bath
  • Give her a massage
  • Snuggle with her on the couch and watch a movie
  • Find ways to engage with her physically like holding her hand or stroking her hair

This will help her to feel bonded and relaxed and could eventually lead to more desire down the road.

2. Set the Scene

A couple in a cozy bedroom with candles to increase her arousal

Women love the right atmosphere to get them turned on. That includes candles she loves, soft lighting, and a little romantic music.

All of these elements in your home put together can trigger feelings of sexual desire.

When you set the scene for her, it also shows that you care about her feeling comfortable and desired.

This is the perfect time to have the right lubricant on hand by the bedside like our Promescent Organic Aloe-based lube, which has soothing aloe vera and other responsibly sourced ingredients.

3. Engage in Eye Contact

Of course, when you are engaged in foreplay you’re going to be taking in the sight of her gorgeous body. Don’t forget to look her directly in the face with lots of eye contact.

That’s a big turn on for many women who like that direct connection. This simple act can make her feel worshipped and desired.

4. Tell Her How Sexy She Is

Don’t be shy about telling her how beautiful and sexy she is.

This can give her more confidence in the bedroom which will allow her to enjoy the sexual moments you are sharing more.

You can also use this time to talk erotically to her. Tell her all the things you want to do to her, and what you want her to do to you.

5. Utilize Foreplay

Foreplay is a majorly important part of sex.

A woman’s body needs time to respond to touch and friction. If you feel like you as a man are getting aroused too fast with the potential to climax prematurely, it’s probably a good time to try to delay ejaculation by using Promescent Delay Spray.

It’s a patented, doctor-created spray that can take your bedroom play to the next level.

And don’t worry, if you have this issue you aren’t alone. The Mayo Clinic estimates that 1 out of 3 men experience this problem at some point during their life.

6. Find All of Her Erogenous Zones

Erogenous zones are the extra-sensitive parts of the body that will respond to sexual pleasure.

So here’s the deal, it’s not all about her vulva (the outer part of the female vagina) and clitoris (which is located inside the labia majora right near the top of her labia minora, or inner labia).

You need to focus attention on other areas of her body too.

Those erogenous areas include her:

  • Ears
  • The nape of her neck
  • Inner wrist
  • Fingertips
  • Backside
  • Scalp
  • Armpits
  • Lower back
  • Stomach
  • The back of her knees
An image detailing other sensitive areas of the female body that can stimulate arousal

Use a combination of light kisses, slow strokes, and gentle rubbing on these different places to figure out what gets her ready for more.

7. Ask Her What She Likes

Being a good listener is also a turn on for women.

Ask her what she likes and truly listen to her responses. It can definitely give you a better indication of what she’s into.

Pick her brain a little bit even before you start anything. Ask her what her fantasies are. She’s going to want you to tell her what yours are as well.

Sex talk even before the act is a HUGE turn on.

Talking about sex is certainly a way to get each other in the mood.

8. Pay Attention to Her Cues

Image of woman lying down caressing breasts while aroused

Her body is naturally going to tell you that you’re doing something right.

Look for cues or signs of female arousal like her:

  • Pupils dilating
  • Her back arching
  • Nipples getting hard
  • Facial flushing
  • Her natural lubrication revving up

These are all sure-fire signs that you’re making her desire and want to have sex with you.

9. Display Confidence

Confidence is a major turn-on.

If you emanate confident and assured energy, it’s going to help your partner feel desired, and spark sexual confidence in her as well.

So be bold. Be vulnerable. Be your best self.

Strut your stuff, and know that confidence goes a long way to being good at sexual fun in the bedroom.

10. Be Patient

Most women don’t achieve orgasm as fast as men do. That’s okay. Be patient with her.

Let her take her time and don’t rush through sexual pleasure.

Some women can start to feel self-conscious if they aren’t having an orgasm fast enough.

By taking your time with her, letting her know that you’re enjoying every moment of the experience, it will allow her to relax.

When you put this into consideration, it will help her have a better climax when she’s ready.

11. Give Oral Pleasure, Generously

Don’t be shy with orally pleasuring her. This is sometimes the best way to get a woman to achieve an orgasm during sex.

Not all women have an orgasm with intercourse alone.

A chart detailing that most women are not fully aroused by penetrative sex alone

In fact, according to a study by the Kinsey Institute, a well-known research group that explores sexual and reproduction topics, women are more likely to have an orgasm when “engaged in a variety of sexual acts, including oral sex.”

Whereas, men can likely achieve orgasm from intercourse alone.

Learn some fun oral techniques, use your hands as well as your mouth, and don’t forget to vary your pressure.

You’ll be able to feel with your fingers if she’s opening up to you and enjoying your technique. If this is an area where you don’t feel super confident, it’s time to improve your skills.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt to tell her how much you love doing it.

Some women are afraid their men aren’t enjoying oral sex so it tampers down their enjoyment and relaxation during the act.

Showing your partner that you truly love going down on her will allow her to relish it more.

For help improving your oral sex skills, read our article: A Guide To Cunnilingus: Tips, Techniques, And More

12. Touch Her All Over

You may feel going to town on her clitoris is the sure-fire way to get her turned on, and it’s one of the best parts, but don’t neglect the rest of her body.

Women loved to be touched all over. Stroke her thighs, rub her back, and squeeze her behind.

Using a combination of all kinds of touching will truly get her hot and heavy into the moment to drive her wild with pleasure.

Takeaways

Having great sex regularly with the one you love is usually a work in progress.

Experimenting with these tips and tricks to find out what arouses your partner in bed will only lead to better sex overall. You’ll find out quickly what works and what doesn’t get the job done for the woman in your life.

The more engaged you are in her pleasure, the more pleasure you’re going to definitely get in return.

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Dr. Laura Berman
Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman PhD is an acclaimed relationship expert, award-winning radio host on her show 'Uncovered Radio' and a NY Times best-selling author. Dr. Berman has a doctorate from New York University with an emphasis on human sexuality. She is also a member of AASECT, SSSS, the International Society for the study of Women's Sexual Health and the American Urologic Society.