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How to Give a Tantric Massage: A Guide for Men and Women

by Starielle Hope 9 min read

Starielle Hope
Relationship & Intimacy sex coach specializing in helping individuals and couples
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Relationship & Intimacy sex coach specializing in helping individuals and couples


Have you heard rumors about the incredible orgasmic states possible with tantra and want to know where to start?

Are you curious to explore what might be possible in sex beyond the purely physical, achievement-oriented experience?

If your curiosity is piqued, you probably want to know how tantric massage actually works.

Let's take a closer look.

Quick FAQs

No, tantric massage usually does not involve intercourse.

There is no set time for a tantric massage. You should allow for plenty of time so you can focus on your partner and the massage instead of time.

It is recommended to use natural oils like coconut or jojoba or massage oils that use these ingredients.

What Is Tantric Massage?

Tantric massage is all about dropping into a powerful level of presence.

As a result, you or your partner will be able to experience way more pleasure throughout the journey, hold more sexual energy in your body, and (as a bonus as opposed to the goal) have stronger full-body orgasms.

Western Neo-Tantra, the branch of tantra that I will discuss in this article, is, at its foundation the practice of intentionally building sexual energy and moving it throughout the body. 

When orgasm is not the primary target but merely a possible component of the interaction, people experience more freedom to be in the moment.

This allows for less worrying about whether or not they will accomplish any particular goal.

What is tantric massage?

The person giving the massage can be moving the receiver's energy through the body:

  • For a heightened state of bodily awareness
  • To promote emotional and physical healing by releasing stuck energy
  • As a means to generate a greater connection between the giver and receiver

While tantric massage can be incredibly pleasurable, orgasm is not the goal.

Instead, greater focus is placed on slowly, intentionally leaning into a pleasurable experience to connect with each other. 

Orgasm may happen as a natural part of the experience but is not a given, and even if there is an orgasm, the massage need not end.

Keep in mind, a tantric massage doesn't usually involve intercourse but can be amazing foreplay to tantric sex.

What To Expect From a Tantric Massage

Some tantric massage techniques involve more focus on the whole body, whereas more sensual or erotic massage can have a greater focus on stimulating the yoni (vulva) or the lingam (penis).

For this article, I’m going to focus on more erotic tantric massage techniques.

Here is a look at what to expect as a recipient as a man or a woman.

What to Expect During Tantric Massage for Men

Men who tend to be focused on getting to penetrative sex are often surprised to discover how much they enjoy receiving a tantric massage.

You will have the opportunity to enjoy being showered with attention and stimulation from your partner without expectation or pressure to perform in any way.

Instruction for men receiving a tantric massage

You can expect:

  • To feel totally relaxed 
  • To feel your arousal building and possibly waning during the massage; a physical erection may also come and go
  • To feel more in-tune with how much your partner enjoys being the giver of your pleasure

Another thing to note as a man, the experience may or may not involve ejaculation, and it is perfectly fine if it happens too soon or not at all.

Tantric massage can be foreplay for sex, but it’s important to release the expectation of intercourse to be able to be fully present with the massage experience.

What to Expect During Tantric Massage for Women

Women who may not always be so sexually driven as their male counterparts oftentimes appreciate the intrigue of tantric massage.

As a female, you get the opportunity to fully surrender into the enjoyment of receiving pleasure.

Instructions for women receiving a tantric massage

You can expect:

  • To achieve a heightened state of erotic relaxation as your partner touches your body in sensitive areas
  • To discover what points on your body invoke the most heightened arousal reactions
  • To feel a stronger, energy-fueled connection to your partner's joy of watching you receive pleasure

Just as it is for a man, your arousal can come and go during the massage. And, an orgasm doesn't have to be part of the encounter. 

Creating the Best Atmosphere for a Tantric Massage

Couple relaxing after completing a tantric massage

A key component of tantra massage is relaxation or comfort, so the proper environment plays a big part in the overall experience.

If you intend to try tantric massage with your partner, first take some time to set up the environment:

  1. Pick a private place, such as a bedroom, where the two of you feel most at ease
  2. Make sure the room is quiet and free from noise distractions; play some soft music or soothing sounds if desired
  3. Clear clutter from the space—if giving the massage on your bed, put on clean bedding and straighten the pillows
  4. Light a few candles, use an oil diffuser, and lower the lights

As a side note, create enough time for the massage to go on as long as it needs to.

A tantric massage doesn't work with time constraints as concerns around timing will keep you and your partner from being fully present. 

How to Give A Tantric Massage To Men - The "Lingam" Massage

With the atmosphere prepared, have the man get comfortable and begin deepening his breath to enter a deeper state of relaxation.

Bottle of massage oil on rose petals ready to be used for tantric massage

He should be on his back, legs apart, and knees slightly bent.

Give him a gentle reminder to focus on his breathing as you touch his body.

Be sure to have some natural massage oil on hand, as massage oil is going to be a must to allow your hands to glide over his body.

Natural oil without any added scents such as coconut or jojoba is best for this intimate massage.

Step 1

Begin by gently massaging his chest and shoulders, moving down his abdomen.

Then move down to his feet and work your way up to his legs, slowly teasing as you move closer to his penis.

Step 2

With your hands warmed and coated in massage oil, begin by massaging areas around his penis that can be most sensitive to touch, such as his thighs, perineum, and pubic bone.

Remember, slow, gentle strokes and movements.

Step 3

Focus momentarily on the testicles.

Massage and twirl them gently with your fingertips, cup the testicles in your hand while stroking other areas, and gently drag your fingernails across his scrotum.

Step 4

Lead into stroking the shaft of his penis.

Twist your hand around his shaft, do long, slow strokes along the full length, and then alternate to quick movements or switch to stroking with both hands.

Vary the intensity of your grip, the speed of strokes, and your methodology.

Step 5

Stroke the frenulum and head of the penis gently, but don't focus your attention here.

Remember, you want to prolong his climax, so if you realize he is getting close to orgasm, slow down, back off, and massage areas around the penis.

This edging technique keeps him at peak arousal and near a climax, but maximizes his sensitivity to your touch.

If you sense he’s getting close to an orgasm, encourage him to take deep breaths and experiment with breathing the energy up from his penis into the rest of his body.

Step 6

If he's comfortable with the idea, use a well-oiled finger to gently stimulate his prostate.

The prostate is also referred to as the "sacred spot" in tantra massage.

Step 7

When you've prolonged the energy of his arousal and you believe he is ready, encourage your partner to climax.

Some men have intense orgasms after edging.

Keep in mind, however, orgasm is not necessary, so even without ejaculation, encourage him to relax and fully enjoy the pleasure..

How to Give A Tantric Massage for Women - The "Yoni" Massage

Fingers touching fruit resembling vagina(Yoni)

Lead her into the prepared space for the massage.

You will need a nice, natural massage oil that is safe specifically for her delicate genitals such as coconut or jojoba.

Promescent makes three massage oils that contain these body friendly ingredients:

Have her lie on her back in a position that feels most comfortable for her, which will generally be with her legs parts, knees up, and feet flat on the bed or floor.

You may want to offer her a pillow to slightly elevate her hips or to prop up under her knees.

Guide her to breathe slow and steady as you rub her body.

Step 1

Begin the massage by gently massaging her breasts, back, legs, or other parts of her body. 

Step 2

Gravitate toward the area around her vulva; her legs, inner thighs, pubic bone.

Massage in slow, gentle strokes as if you are pushing the energy from her body toward her vulva.

Step 3

Use your fingertips to lightly stimulate the clitoris and the areas around the clitoris.

Circle slowly, gently push and then pull at the clitoral hood, lightly tap her vulva with your closed hand.

Step 4

Alternate your efforts as you massage, make sure you switch up techniques, speed, and pressure for contrast.

Light, a little heavier, light, barely touching at all. If she seems ready, slide in a finger and lightly stimulate her G-spot, and then pull away.

Step 5

Allow her to get extremely aroused—even close to orgasm—and then lighten your efforts, encouraging her to take deep breaths and stay relaxed.

Just as men can practice edging, so can your female massage recipient.

Step 6

After carefully bringing her to the edge of orgasm several times, if she seems ready, encourage her to surrender into a full climax.

However, she doesn't have to climax, and the massage doesn't have to stop even if she does.

What Are the Benefits of Tantric Massage?

1. Heightened Sexual Experiences

One of the biggest reasons people look into tantric massage is for heightened sexual gratification.

Some are surprised by the fact that tantric massage is not necessarily about intercourse at all. Nevertheless, practicing this form of erotic massage could indeed lead to having better sex.

Through tantric massage techniques, the giver gains a better understanding of how their partner responds to their touch and energy.

The recipient gains a new level of pleasure awareness. These newfound discoveries can easily be carried over into your sex life.

2. Deeper Intimate Connection with Your Partner

Couple experiencing a deeper connection because of tantric massage

Science has shown us that human touch is quite powerful, and even deemed as a fundamental of bonding.

Tantric touching is incredibly intimate.

The practice teaches you to better appreciate what your partner is experiencing with your touch as the giver—you experience their energy.

When reciprocated and you are a recipient, you feel the excitement of your own pleasure, but feel how much your massage partner enjoys creating that experience for you.

The encounter can create deeper, more meaningful connections with your partner.

3. Eliminate Stress of Orgasm-Focused Encounters

Tantric is never orgasm-centric.

It doesn't matter if anyone gets to a climax point because the focus is on the pleasure of the experience.

For men or women who may have problems reaching orgasm, tantric massage offers a safe erotic experience free from the stress of trying to reach a proverbial finish line.

The beauty of not making the orgasm the "be-all, end-all" is some people are easier able to actually experience an orgasm.

4. Clearing Emotional Blockages

Blockages can get in the way of typical sexual encounters.

Two people who have problems focusing on the pleasure of sex because of emotional trauma or relationship-related hindrances often benefit from tantric massage.

In the deep state of relaxation, letting go of boundaries and inhibitions becomes easier, emotional guards can naturally fall away.

As a further advantage, the keen awareness of the energy shared between giver and receiver can help create a clearer pathway of communication in other aspects of the relationship.

5. Gain A Deeper Understanding Of Your Body

Enjoy pleasure in spite of sexual dysfunction

Low sex drive, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness—a number of sexual challenges can affect both men and women.

About 40 percent of women experience symptoms that qualify as sexual dysfunction and erectile dysfunction could be an issue for about one-third of men.

Sometimes this can be the result of a medical issue that can be addressed by a doctor.

Oftentimes, however, the symptoms are psychosomatic and can be the result of your body not feeling fully safe and/or open to connecting with another.

By slowing down and listening to your body as you begin to become aroused, you can notice precisely when and how you begin to disconnect, become numb, or experience pain.

When approached with curiosity, you may learn what your body is trying to tell you and how to work with it instead of against it.

6. More Intense Orgasms

Edging, bringing someone close to climax repeatedly without release, can be an incredible tool to generate more intense orgasms.

When the body, male or female, reaches that heightened point of arousal repeatedly without climax, all the pent-up energy accumulates.

Therefore, the end result can be intense waves of orgasms that seem to ripple throughout the body.

Takeaways

Happy couple because they discovered the benefits of tantric massage

Tantric massage is all about creating a highly intimate, pleasurable experience.

The massage is not about intercourse or penetration, but heightened states of pleasure awareness.

It is important to stay focused on your own pleasure while giving, as well as that of your partner who is receiving.

Couples who learn how to give a tantric massage can reap many advantages to both their sex life and relationship.

Practicing tantra can be a good way for people with sexual challenges to experience extreme pleasure with their partner and even overcome certain hurdles that can usually be an issue.

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Starielle Hope
Starielle Hope

Starielle is a Sex, Relationship & Intimacy Coach who specializes in working with men and couples. She has a decade of experience studying relationships, sexuality, evolutionary psychology, communication techniques, masculine/feminine energy dynamics & tantra and is trained in the Somatica Method. She holistically teaches skills for deeper intimacy by addressing the emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual planes to empower individuals and couples to experience new depths of connection in their romantic relationships and broader communities.