How to Give Her an Orgasm: A Simple Guide On a Complex Matter for Men

Dr. Laura Berman
Human sexuality and relationship expert
by Dr. Laura Berman Last updated 12/07/2023
The Rub and Love

The Rub and Love



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You're looking to please your female partner during sex, so you Google: "how to make a girl orgasm."

Congratulations—you've just stepped into a rabbit hole of female orgasm information.

Some of what you read on other blogs may be the truth, but much of what you stumble across will be fiction.

It's really no wonder guys are bumbling and fumbling in the bedroom, trying desperately to get it right and just having no luck.

Percentage of women that have an orgasm during sex

In fact, studies have shown that only six percent of women always have an orgasm during sex, and the numbers have seemed to be on a decline since 1999.

Blame it on an overload of internet information, blame it on pornography, or blame it on what you will.

Fact is, if you really want to know how to give her an orgasm, you have to get your ego in check, realize there may be a lot to learn outside of "educational" porn clips, and settle in for an informative experience—don't worry, we've got you covered.

The G-spot is located just inside the front wall of the vagina and can be very difficult to find if she is not aroused. Once aroused, her urethral sponge or G-Spot will become swollen as blood rushes to it, making it much easier to locate.

There are several indicators that a woman is aroused, ranging from increased wetness, erect nipples, dilated pupils, and increased pulse, just to name a few.

Sight, smell, touch, communication... the list goes on, but Promescent makes a female arousal spray that is sure to help get things started.

Studies show that some women can find G-spot stimulation irritating. In contrast, others do not experience any pleasure from G-Spot stimulation during certain times of their monthly cycle. So, you may want to try at different times during the month to see if she is more sensitive to stimulation at different times of her cycle.

How to Make a Girl Orgasm

1. Try a Delay Spray to Last Longer

About one in three men experience premature ejaculation, and some men deal with the issue on a regular basis.

The problem is, it can take women longer to reach orgasm than men already, so premature ejaculation issues can make it even harder to help her get over the threshold when you've already finished.

If you consistently hit your climax point and the refractory period before she gets anywhere near the big bang, it may be wise to dry a delay spray to help you last longer in bed.

The average point of climax for a female is more than 13 minutes.

For example, Promescent Delay Spray for Men is applied to the most sensitive parts of your penis just before sex to help you slow down the process just enough to put you on an even keel with your female partner.

2. Learn How to Be Better at Foreplay

Women are more likely to need a little encouragement before their body starts to respond, which means foreplay is a huge factor in delivering better orgasms and maybe even delivering orgasms at all.

Foreplay is the warm-up phase for a female. This warm-up period builds anticipation, encourages blood flow to her lady parts, and triggers natural lubrication.

And, there is a direct link between foreplay and the intensity or satisfaction with her orgasm.

So, unless she seems all about a heat-of-the-moment throwdown, don't skip it.

Foreplay tips for men to use on a woman are relatively abundant, and even injecting just a few tricks can really make a difference in her ability to climax either before or during intercourse.

The top three tips to remember about foreplay:

  1. Don't rush it and don't act like it's just some obligatory act you're being forced to do. Let her see you enjoy the process just as much as she does.
  2. Start foreplay outside of the bedroom by stimulating her emotionally and mentally. Tell her how sexy she is, whisper something seductive in her ear, do something to take some stress out of her day.
  3. Be gentle and start slow. Don't just dive all in with your fingers and expect her to respond. Caress her, rub her, massage her, kiss her.

3. Mind Your Exercise and Diet

Stay in shape to help your partner reach orgasm

Yes, really.

BUT, if you really want to give her a better orgasm, getting in shape and increasing your stamina can be a REALLY big deal. Here are a few thoughts to explain why:

  • You overloaded on pizza and beer, and then you try to have sex with a bloated gut, making it harder to grind against her clitoris during penetration.
  • You've been slacking in the workout/diet department, gained some pounds, and lost some strength. She wants to try a new position to help her orgasm, but you're too out of shape to oblige.
  • You've followed a diet of caffeine and junk for weeks. She's slow to reach orgasm, and you just don't have the stamina to get her there.

4. Get the Conversation Started and Keep On Talking

Verbalizing about sex doesn't come naturally for everyone, but the more you can talk, exchange ideas, and give guidance in the bedroom, the more equipped you both will be to please each other.

It doesn't hurt to ask her what she likes, what really gets her to her breaking point, and even how she gets herself off when playing solo.

You may be amazed at what you learn and just how you've been doing it all wrong.

Once you've started talking about how to give her an orgasm, keep the communication lines flowing even when you make it to the bedroom.

Don't be afraid to:

  • Ask her if she likes it when you rub her this way
  • Ask her if you're hitting her G-spot
  • Ask her if she wants a new position to help her finish

All this sexy talk isn't all about getting guidance; it can also be a highly arousing exchange for both of you.

5. Don't Shy Away from Sex Toys

Ladies often reach for vibrators and other sex toys for some solo play, but there is nothing wrong with bringing them into the equation when it's the two of you.

If she's having a harder time getting there with just your stimulation alone (or if you just want to have fun), consider picking out some toys.

Sex toys can help a woman achieve an orgasm

The sex toy lineup out there these days is all-out impressive.

Wands meant to directly hit the G-spot, strap-in-place vibrators for ongoing clitoral stimulation, and even cock rings that have fancy protruding ticklers on top that wriggle and gyrate for her C-spot—the list could go on forever.

Make a game of picking out a toy you both want to try, and give it a go. You may find all-new ways to cause a female orgasm in the process.

6. Pick the Sexual Positions Most Apt to Encourage Orgasm

If you're shooting to make her orgasm in a certain way, taking advantage of certain positions can really help. Check out our guide on sex positions to last longer.

For example:

  • Missionary (you on top) can be good for clitoral orgasms because you can grind right against her clitoral area
  • Cowgirl (her on top) can be great for G-spot orgasms but also allows her to control pressure on her clitoral area for orgasmic control there too
  • Rear-Entry (doggy style) can be an awesome way to hit her G-spot

7. Use Lube for Frictionless Pleasure

When a female gets aroused, her body produces a natural lube, and she can create an abundance of it most of the time.

This lube keeps her vaginal opening and clitoris wet so there is no friction during play and intercourse and she can enjoy stimulation more and reach orgasm easier.

It is perfectly normal for the amount of natural lube for females to be lacking sometimes, so you may need a little help to deter friction at times.

Pick a high-quality lube like this premium organic lube from Promescent, which is pH-balanced and safe with condoms.

The Female Anatomy and Arousal Process Explained

Basically, most women can have two types of orgasms with the proper stimulation: an internal (vaginal) orgasm that usually happens during some type of penetration and an external clitoral (C-spot) orgasm.

To better understand the female orgasm, you have to first get familiar with two hot spots of the female anatomy.

The G-spot orgasm versus the C-spot orgasm

The G-spot

No doubt you've heard about it, you may have tried to find it, and it is a little elusive in the eyes of most men.

The G-spot is one of the most sensitive internal parts of the female anatomy and is suspected to play a role in the vaginal orgasm.

  • But, where is it?
  • What does it feel like?
  • Where can you find it?

You shouldn't feel bad if you have a hard time pinpointing the G-spot. The targeted "spot" can vary depending on the woman and her personal anatomy.

G-spot is short for the Gräfenberg spot.

How to locate the G-Spot

Most often, the spot is located no more than four inches inside the vaginal opening. The spot is actually facing her spinal column.

You may find it by using one or two fingers, palm up, and stroking in a "come-hither" motion.

Some say the spot feels a bit like a walnut because the skin is slightly tougher and maybe a bit wrinkly. However, your biggest indicator that you've found it is her reaction.

In fact, she can probably do a good job of pointing you in the right direction, so don't be afraid to ask.

The C-Spot

The C-spot is just a fancy way to refer to the clitoris, and any man learning how to give her an orgasm must get really educated about this part of the female anatomy.

How to locate the C-Spot

The clitoris is actually a wishbone-shaped area located above the vaginal opening.

Literally, thousands of nerve-endings make up the clitoral area, and the apex of the C-spot is the tiny pearl of flesh located just under the clitoral hood.

More women actually experience a clitoral orgasm than a vaginal orgasm, and it doesn't always happen during sexual intercourse.

A Look at Her Arousal Process and Setting the Mood

Guys are more likely to be standing at full attention and ready to roll right away. Women can need a little more encouragement.

The typical arousal process for a female usually looks something like what follows:

Typical arousal process for women

Desire - The desire to have sex is where it all starts. Her skin may flush, blood flow increases to her nipples and her clitoris, and her internal walls may start to produce lubrication and swell.

Arousal - Arousal is the state before orgasm. Her body is gaining sexual tension, so her muscles may become tenser, she will likely produce more lubrication, and her nipples may grow erect and her clitoris even more sensitive.

Orgasm - The peak point of arousal when the stars align, the heavens open up, and the angels sing. Okay, so physically speaking, her body is wracked with waves of pleasurable contractions, she takes in more oxygen, her blood pressure rises, and she reaches a point of release when the tension building to this point is finally released.

Resolution - Resolution is the finality, the blissful, relaxed time after an orgasm when all is right with the world. The body is enjoying those doses of oxytocin produced during orgasm and returning to normal.

Your process looks a lot the same but can happen in rapid-fire succession. She may need a little help from you to really work through the earliest stages.

Set the mood by:

  • Treating her well; making her happy
  • Caressing her lovingly
  • Kissing her
    • Lowering the lights
    • Showing her you're interested
    • Expressing what you want to do to her

      The Different Ways to Make Her Orgasm

      With your brushed-up knowledge on her anatomy and arousal process, you are almost ready to induce female orgasm. Nevertheless, you should also know, just like you, she can have an orgasm in different ways.

      Different ways to help a woman orgasm

      Orgasm from Finger/Hand Play

      Females usually use their own hands and fingers to make themselves orgasm during masturbation, and there's no doubt you can do the same with a little guidance from her.

      Using your hands and fingers to make her come gives you a little more control over the situation than during penetration, which may be necessary if she usually has a hard time getting there during sex.

      Orgasm from Penetration

      It is a common misconception that women should always have an orgasm during sex, but this is actually the hardest to pull off for a few reasons:

      • Inducing orgasm during penetration may require a specific position
      • Inducing orgasm during penetration may require simultaneous clitoral stimulation for a woman who has a harder time reaching vaginal orgasms
      • Inducing orgasm during penetration can be tough for guys who can't last as long as their female partner

      If the last item on the list is your biggest issue, try a Promescent delay spray to delay your own climax.

      Also, you can make use of those hands and fingers or your mouth during foreplay to get her closer to orgasm before you actually get started.

      Orgasm from Oral

      Oral sex is actually one of the easiest ways to make a woman orgasm, especially if you know what you're doing. Check our guide to the venus butterfly technique.

      Oral usually involves direct and indirect stimulation of her clitoris with your mouth and tongue, which can be wetter and gentler than your fingers.

      Of course, you can always do a combination of oral and finger play to bring her to her release.

      If you really want to heighten the potential for a mind-blowing orgasm, try the venus butterfly technique.


      • Get familiar with her anatomy and her arousal process
      • She can have more than one type of orgasm
      • Orgasms do not always happen during penetration
      • Every female is different; let her tell you what she likes
      • Delay spray can close the "orgasm gap" between you and your partner
      • Use foreplay to your advantage
      • When in doubt, let her guide you

      There you have it—a detailed, in-depth, truthful guide about how to make a girl orgasm.

      It's not as difficult as it can sound but definitely can be more complicated than what the movies make it.

      If you've paid attention, she'll likely be visiting O-Town with your help in nothing flat.

      If you didn't... well, this guide will be posted for repeat reference for the long haul.

      You'll get there. More importantly, you'll get her there!

        Dr. Laura Berman

        Dr. Laura Berman

        Dr. Laura Berman PhD is an acclaimed relationship expert, award-winning radio host on her show 'Uncovered Radio' and a NY Times best-selling author. Dr. Berman has a doctorate from New York University with an emphasis on human sexuality. She is also a member of AASECT, SSSS, the International Society for the study of Women's Sexual Health and the American Urologic Society.


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        • Roger Dobson. 2019 June 02. New study reveals average time for a woman to orgasm. NZ Herald. Accessed 26 Jan 2022.
        • Gregory A Broderick. 2006 September. Premature ejaculation: on defining and quantifying a common male sexual dysfunction. National Library of Medicine (pubmed).,of%2018%20and%2059%20years. Accessed 26 Jan 2022.
        • Osmo Kontula, Researcher Professor, PhD* and Anneli Miettinen, Researcher, MSSc. 2016 October 25. Determinants of female sexual orgasms. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI).,orgasms%20fairly%20infrequently%20at%20most. Accessed 26 Jan 2022.
        • Amber Brenza. 2015 August 07. 5 Types Of Orgasms—And How To Have More Of Each. Prevention. Accessed 26 Jan 2022
        The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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