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My Boyfriend is Bad in Bed: What Can I Do?

Boyfriend bad in bad? Don't worry, there's hope. We'll discuss your options below.

Dr. Jordan Soper
AASECT certified sex therapist specializing in sexual anxiety and trauma

por Dr. Jordan Soper Last updated 04/26/2022

Help my boyfriend is bad in bed

Help, I love my boyfriend but he's bad in bed!

He's great in every other respect, he's caring, fun, thoughtful—but when it comes to great sex, well, not so much.

You may be asking yourself:

  • What should you do about bad sex?
  • Can your relationship survive?
  • Are relationships doomed without a good sex life?

Bad sex doesn't necessarily make a man bad.

Thankfully, most men can be better lovers with a little open, candid conversation and possibly a few new tools, tactics, and changes.

Quick FAQs

Yes, there are things like over-the-counter delay sprays, delay wipes, and creams that are all available without a prescription.

Yes, exercises/techniques like Kegels, edging, or the start-stop method can significantly increase a man's time till ejaculation.

Yes, foods that are high in magnesium and zinc can help with testosterone support. Other foods can help increase libido like; oysters, spinach, dark chocolate, and almonds.

Help, My Boyfriend Sucks In Bed

When your everyday life and relationship are fine, you may feel complaints about sex are unwarranted.

Even worse, most people assume that good sex is split pretty evenly among men and women, but it's not by a long shot.

graphic showing 62% of women unhappy with their sex lives

In a survey conducted by Healthy Women, 62% of women admitted that they weren't happy with their sex life with their partners, and only about 1 in 4 were able to achieve orgasm during sex.

By contrast, studies have shown that a large majority of men (80%) are satisfied with their sex lives, and most men reach an orgasm during sex.

So, if you feel like your boyfriend is failing in the bedroom as your sexual partner, you're certainly not the only one dealing with bad sex.

So many things can lead to bad sex:

  • general relationship problems
  • health problems that effect sexual function or desire
  • sexual incongruency not matching

Top sexual complaints by women are lack of desire, not enough foreplay, inability to orgasm first

Some of the top complaints from most women include:

  • Lack of sexual desire on his part
  • Little/not enough foreplay
  • Inability to orgasm before him

Health issues that get in the way can also be a big deal.

For example, studies have found that men who have heart disease can be more prone to erectile dysfunction, which can absolutely make satisfying sex harder to achieve.

What can I do to help make him better?

What can you do to make your boyfriend better in bed

So, your relationship is great, and the sexual attraction is fine on your end—is the subpar sex a deal-breaker?

Good news! 

Your boyfriend is probably not a lost cause, even if he has a few sexual issues.

Pro Tip: Try these tips to spice up your sex life for some great bedroom ideas 

We’ll discuss ways you can help him out if he's bad in bed so that a good sex life can be a natural part of your relationship.

1. Talk about your sexual relationship

Communication to your boyfriend about being be better in bed

First and foremost, don't be afraid to tell your boyfriend the truth about how you feel when it comes to sex and intimacy.

Talking about sex with your partner can be a challenging step.

Many women avoid bringing up the topic for fear that their partner will take it as a personal insult. Others operate under the assumption he should know or hope that he’ll eventually get the point.

However, he may be sailing through sex, totally oblivious to the idea that it's not great sex unless you open up and tell the truth.

Even if you are not his first sexual partner, those partners before you didn't tell him what YOU like—that's totally up to you and your body.

How to talk openly about your sexual relationship

The key is to approach the conversation the right way or in a way that makes him feel good.

Don't just open the conversation with, "Hey, dude, sorry. You're bad in bed," or start by comparing his performance to other men and past partners.

Instead, let him know:

  1. how sexually attracted you are to him
  2. tell him you would like to talk about how you both could get more pleasure during sex

Communicate during sex

If you're fearful of a candid sex conversation, just communicate during sex. Make it an erotic attempt, but give him compliments and pointers.

For example, if you crave longer oral sex sessions, tell your boyfriend what feels good and how you want it.

2. Try delay sprays and wipes before sex

Try Promescent delay spray to make your boyfriend better in bed

There is already a relatively understood "orgasm gap" between man and woman orgasms—women tend to hit the finish line later than men.

If this happens to be the case with you and your partner, you may not get the time to thoroughly enjoy sex with him. Delay sprays and wipes may give you some hope.

Products like Promescent Delay Spray or delay wipes are formulated with desensitizing agents that are applied directly to the penis. The numbing agents sort of dull the sensations that encourage climax, which may help him last longer.

3. Check his diet

Certain foods may help deter premature ejaculation and even encourage an erection or have aphrodisiac properties.

Changing his diet can make your boyfriend better in bed. Consider beef, dark chocolate, spinach, and almonds

Foods rich in both magnesium and zinc are good options if your partner is a lackluster lover.

Some may help boost libido, while some may help with erectile functioning.

A few examples of foods to propose to your so-so lover include:

  • Oysters
  • Yogurt
  • Pumpkin seeds
  • Beef and lamb
  • Garlic
  • Dark chocolate
  • Spinach
  • Almonds
  • Wheat germ

For an added punch as you work with your partner on the road to good sex, consider getting him on a daily regimen of VitaFLUX for men.

Consider VitaFLUX daily supplement from Promescent to make you boyfriend better in bed

VitaFLUX is a clinically proven formula that may help maintain healthy testosterone and libido levels and increase erectile functioning by encouraging circulation.

4. Try these Exercises and Techniques

Physical activity is always an excellent way to keep the body in shape, which can carry over as positive outcomes in bed.

However, certain exercises and physical techniques are better suited to support good sex.

Kegels

Kegel exercises can help make your boyfriend better in bed.

Many women do Kegels to support a good sex life, but this exercise can be just as valuable for a man.

Kegels are basic pelvic floor exercises that may help give a man more control over ejaculation and movement during sex. 

The general technique looks something like this:

  1. Locate the pelvic floor muscles by practicing stopping urination mid-stream
  2. Tighten those muscles
  3. Hold for three seconds, release for three seconds
  4. Repeat the process

Over time, your boyfriend's pelvic floor will get stronger. As that happens, he will likely have more stamina and control during sex.

Like with any exercise regimen, you should discuss this with your doctor before beginning Kegel exercises.

Get in some cardio

Cardio exercise can make your boyfriend better in bed

Generally speaking, a man that's in good shape is physically capable of performing better in the bedroom, and cardio may have a big part to play here.

There is a significant correlation between heart conditions and erectile dysfunction.

The heart is the primary muscle of the circulatory system, so if it is not working as it should, there may not be enough blood flow to the penis.

Cardio is one of the best types of exercise to support the heart. So, in theory, cardio could also be one of the best exercises to support good sex.

Study showing 160 minutes of cardio over six months reduced erectile dysfunction problems

Studies have shown that men who get about 160 minutes of cardio every week for six months have decreased problems with ED and probably a better sexual relationship because of it.

If your guy is generally a couch-dweller or doesn't spend much time up and moving, try to get him up and active several times a week.

Exercising together can even be a great way to get some much-needed one-on-one time in the relationship.

Try edging with your partner

Edging, also referred to as the "start-stop" method, is a technique a man can use during sex to delay ejaculation.

Edging method can help your boyfriend be better in bed

Essentially, edging involves sexual stimulation or pleasure until a guy reaches a point when orgasm is imminent but then stops before that happens.

When the urge to ejaculate subsides, the guy can then proceed with sex with a partner. He can stop and start as many times as he needs to and extend sex with his partner.

It should be noted that when the “stop” happens, you may see a slight decline in your erection and that a change in sexual activity may be needed to re-engage said erection.

Try Some New Sex Positions

Is he still stuck on the same tried-and-true position that worked the first night you spent together? Maybe switching things up will help.

You don't have to get all Kama Sutra or bend your body in unimaginable angles to have better sex, but certain sex positions may be both fun to try and lead to a happy ending.

Here are a few your partner may be interested in trying out:

Reverse cowgirl - You're on top but facing away from him

Try reverse cowgirl to help your boyfriend last longer in bed

Doggy style - You're on all fours, and your boyfriend is on his knees from behind

Doggy Style sex position to make your boyfriend better at sex

Spooning - Lie in the bed on your sides, him behind you, your knees slightly bent and pulled upward

Spooning position can help make your boyfriend better in bed

Wheelbarrow - Woman face down, the man supporting her legs from behind and between her legs

Wheelbarrow sex position to make boyfriend good in bed 

Legs over shoulders - Woman on her back, legs on his shoulders while he kneels in front of her

Legs over the shoulders sex position to make your boyfriend better in bed

Work in a few new positions before just totally writing off your relationship partner as “bad in bed.”

You may find that the switch-up means you both enjoy sex so much more or even reach a new level of intimacy.

5. Talk to your guy about PE and ED pills

Prescription medications can help with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction

If you suspect your boyfriend is having issues with sexual function, there is still hope. Convince him to talk to a doctor or look for remedies that could help.

Don't forget; both problems are underdiagnosed because men don't like starting the conversation with their partners or care providers.

Certain pills—prescription medications and over-the-counter options—may help with PE or ED.

St. John’s Wort

Scientifically known as Hypericum Perforatum, St. John's Wort is an herbal supplement available over the counter that may help men who deal with PE.

St. John's Wort is known to generate similar actions as prescribed antidepressants, which means it may encourage serotonin levels in the brain and help delay ejaculation.

Study citing 5 minute increase in orgasm control from using St. John's wort

One study found that, on average, men experienced an increased intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT) from just over a minute to nearly six minutes when taking St. John's Wort.

SSRIs

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs, aka antidepressants) are sometimes prescribed to men dealing with sexual issues like PE.

A few of the most commonly prescribed include:

An important side note, SSRIs can impose sexual issues on many men, even though some men are fine.

Specifically, SSRIs may affect arousal levels and make it difficult for him to climax.

So, if your boyfriend is already on an SSRI and has the aforementioned sexual issues, it may be a good idea to speak to a doctor about potential alternatives.

Phosphodiesterase-5 Inhibitors (PDE-5)

If your boyfriend has difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection satisfactory enough for penetrative sex, your sexual relationship is most likely lacking.

With ED, no matter how sexually attracted he is to you, his body simply may not take the physiological steps to allow him to express those feelings to give you pleasure.

A prescription to help with ED may enhance sex. A few of the most commonly prescribed include:

Don't forget, while effective, pretty much every prescribed ED medication does come along with some risk of side effects. Therefore, it is essential to talk to a doctor in-depth about the risks before committing to treatment.

6. Stamina trainers

Male stamina trainer sex toys like the MYHIXEL can help your boyfriend be better in bed

If your boyfriend has issues with PE or simply can't last as long as you need him to for your pleasure reasons, a stamina trainer might be able to help.

Stamina trainers are tools that men can use to prolong the duration of time it takes to reach ejaculation during sex.

These tools may be in the form of something like a male masturbator or even an app that uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques. Some revolutionary stamina trainers use both.

MYHIXEL Device

The MYHIXEL is an app-enabled sleeve masturbator for men that offers a combination of heat and vibrations that mimic the sensations a man feels during sex.

The MYHIXEL trainer is obviously going to be a satisfying tool for your boyfriend to use on his own (or with your help during foreplay), but it may also enhance your pleasure in the end.

The masturbator comes with a proven training program that you use with the device. In studies, men who used MYHIXEL alongside the training program enhanced ejaculation time by a few minutes on average.

The PEA app

The PEA app from GetPea is a stamina-training app that takes a man through various step-by-step levels and exercises to help them better control ejaculation.

PEA works by:

  • Showing a man his "point of no return" during stimulation
  • Monitor arousal levels
  • Pinpoint the sensations that occur before climax

PEA is said to enhance time-to-ejaculation by 2.5 minutes just by mastering the first level of training.

7. Seek relationship counseling or talk to a sex therapist

Counseling can help make you boyfriend better in bed

Like women, men can have emotional elements and personal feelings that affect whether he is good or bad in bed.

Sometimes, talking through issues with a trained professional can be a good start toward a healthier sexual relationship or even great sex.

Talking to a relationship counselor about the problems that affect your relationship and doing a bit of relationship work could make a big difference where sexual attraction is concerned.

Likewise, sexual therapy may help. Even though working with a sex therapist may sound uncomfortable or taboo, it really isn't as uncomfortable as it sounds.

The sex therapist doesn't follow you and your partner into the bedroom; they are simply the person that talks you and your partner through your sex issues and offers recommendations to help strengthen your sexual connection.

Important Takeaways

Relationships are not built on a single element—sex is only one facet of life with your partner, albeit an important one.

A few steps, a few lifestyle changes, and a little conversation may make all the difference in the sex life department.

Whether it’s a lack of interest in the bedroom or some physical issues that are getting in the way, there’s likely something that can be done about it to make sure you have a good sex life.

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Dr. Jordan Soper
Dr. Jordan Soper

El Dr. Jordan Soper es un psicólogo licenciado, terapeuta sexual certificado por AASECT y propietario del Centro para la Salud Sexual y el Bienestar en Las Vegas, NV. Las áreas de experiencia de la Dra. Soper incluyen el tratamiento basado en la evidencia para la salud sexual y los trastornos de funcionamiento, la ansiedad y el trauma con diversas poblaciones, incluyendo militares / veteranos, los primeros en responder, los agentes de policía, los miembros de la comunidad LGBTQ +, los jóvenes profesionales, los estudiantes, los terapeutas, los sobrevivientes de asalto sexual, y los miembros de la comunidad BDSM / Kink / Fetish. Le apasiona la educación, la defensa y el uso del humor para disminuir la vergüenza y el estigma en torno a los problemas de salud mental y sexual.

Sources:

Absorption Pharmaceuticals LLC (Promescent) has strict informational citing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic or research institutions, medical associations, and medical experts. We attempt to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references and only citing trustworthy sources. Each article is reviewed, written, and updated by Medical Professionals or authoritative Experts in a specific, related field of practice. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

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The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.


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